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Original poster

Work colleague raped me 5 years ago and I've finally snapped

348 replies

Twentypasttwelve · 12/02/2020 18:46

Just that really.

I can't take being near him a moment longer. I've been signed off with stress and anxiety for 2 weeks.

I have no idea what to do. If I tell my manager why I'm off, is it confidential? Would he have to follow it up? I don't think I can bear reporting it to the police. I am not sure I can bear telling anyone at work tbh.

Could I look for work elsewhere while I'm off? I don't feel up to it tbh. I've asked the GP for therapy, so I am on the waiting list for that.

Any thoughts or advice would be welcome. I'm feeling okay atm but have felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, and am sure I will again soon.

Please help.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 17/04/2020 10:18

Handheld for today xx

ChelseaCat · 17/04/2020 10:23

You’re so brave Flowers Stay strong x

Dontdragyourfeet · 17/04/2020 10:37

Hand hold here too OP Flowers, I hope the call goes well, and as others have said above, do what's right for you.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 17/04/2020 10:41

You are so brave Twenty. Hope the call goes well and the bastard gets what he deserves.

DoIneed1 · 17/04/2020 10:45

I believe you. .

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 17/04/2020 10:49

Wow thank you so much all of you, I wasn't expecting so many replies.

Some lovely words of support and some good practical advice too.

Anxiety is through the roof but I did venture out to Holland and Barrett today to get some lavender bath oils, which always calm me. I might have a soak before the call.

Thanks again all of you.

OP posts:
PerkyPomPoms · 17/04/2020 10:50

Thinking of you

Starlight1243 · 17/04/2020 10:55

Please report it to HR even if it happened 5 years ago he might have had similar incidents so at the very least there would be a record of it incase it's happened to someone else either another colleague or student.

MyNameIsJane · 17/04/2020 11:04

Hand hold from me too.

ohfourfoxache · 17/04/2020 11:10

You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever read about on here.

You have endured 5 years with this nasty, slimy piece of shit. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult this must have been.

Gentle hand hold, stay strong x

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 17/04/2020 11:13

Good advice on not having to say much. I will bear that in mind.

HR have also been informed. It's out there now and that is what's so terrifying. I know I am still in control, I know that logically. But I feel its out of my hands now and I'm feeling a little lost.

My line manager is a good friend and has my back 100% so that helps.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 17/04/2020 11:16

You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever read about on here.

This comment has made me very tearful, as has other words of support. I don't feel strong.

OP posts:
Weloveoptimus · 17/04/2020 11:23

You ARE strong and amazing! Keep on!

ChateauMargaux · 17/04/2020 11:25

Sniff the lavender during the call. Drink water before the meeting and during it, allow it to give you space to separate your thoughts and emotions. Imagine the water diluting your emotions and flushing them away. Soak them away in the bath later too. Good luck!

ohfourfoxache · 17/04/2020 11:26

It’s sometimes easier for an outsider to recognise our strengths than it is for us to do ourselves x

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 17/04/2020 11:27

I'm in the bath now listening to my chill out music. Feeling much better.

I have lavender roller ball things which I will roll on my wrists before the call. I'll have water there too.

Wine for after!!!

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 17/04/2020 11:39

Have something you can glance at to give you strength - a picture of a beautiful tiger, or a window where you can see the trees, doesn't matter what it is, just so you can be aware you are not trapped in the call and what's happening, stay in touch with something bigger. Very very best of luck. Flowers

Chickychickydodah · 17/04/2020 11:40

A similar thing happened to me and I went to my boss and he said as it hadn’t been reported to the police they could only offer me a transfer to another dept, he said he couldn’t get involved any more as nothing had been proven 🤯😥

Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 17/04/2020 11:41

Lovely idea. There is a beautiful blossom tree just outside my window. It brings me a sense of peace when I watch it blowing in the wind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twentypasttwelve · 17/04/2020 11:43

Chicky that's awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wonder if that's the way it'll go for me.

The song that's in repeat in my head atm is Que Sera Sera...

What will be will be

OP posts:
Smurfie12 · 17/04/2020 11:55

I've just picked up this thread and just wanted to say that I think what you are doing and have done is very brave. You should be very proud of yourself, you have shown great strength of character and I hope you will continue to do so. I hope your call goes okay for you today, and you manage to stay calm.

ChateauMargaux · 17/04/2020 12:02

open.spotify.com/album/5I8zpdGpSyY51QdUukAhf3?si=cql4PPWNQcKi_g0dWLpa2Q This is beautiful.. it says protect me, open my heart and I'll be free.

ChateauMargaux · 17/04/2020 12:04

Whatever happens, you have already freed yourself by talking about this.

Sally872 · 17/04/2020 12:07

You are being so brave. You are doing the right thing informing work even if they can't do anything about him yet. At least they can support you.

HR and management will be more likely to get rid of him at the earliest opportunity rather than support him in future.

justilou1 · 17/04/2020 12:10

Hi OP! You’re my hero. I’m currently unpicking the PTSD that has been circling my life since I was raped when I was given a spiked soft drink when I was 14. I will be 48 this year. (There are other contributing factors that make this complex as well, like family dysfunction, etc...) I am having EMDR treatment and am finding it both challenging (confrontational/enlightening) and fabulously effective. I know there is no hope for me to confront the people involved in my rape, and that is frustrating. I hope this brings you some ownership and power. I’m proud of you!