Work colleague raped me 5 years ago and I've finally snapped

[Twentypasttwelve]

Just that really.

I can't take being near him a moment longer. I've been signed off with stress and anxiety for 2 weeks.

I have no idea what to do. If I tell my manager why I'm off, is it confidential? Would he have to follow it up? I don't think I can bear reporting it to the police. I am not sure I can bear telling anyone at work tbh.

Could I look for work elsewhere while I'm off? I don't feel up to it tbh. I've asked the GP for therapy, so I am on the waiting list for that.

Any thoughts or advice would be welcome. I'm feeling okay atm but have felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, and am sure I will again soon.

Please help.

All the best for tomorrow, Twentypasttwelve. Whatever the outcome of tomorrow's hearing is, you know the truth, you have been believed.

Wishing you the best for tomorrow!

I'm having my healing bath now and feeling strangely calm and collected. Listening to the beautiful voice of Desree.

It's out of my hands now and nothing I think or do will change the outcome.

I'm going to get my paints out tomorrow and pass the time. I'll go for a walk. And when the call comes, it comes.

I hope tonight will be better in regards to sleep. But even if I don't get the best rest, it doesn't matter. I can catch up on sleep.

Feeling much more positive today.

Every day is such a roller-coaster of emotions. So so wonderful to feel and know I'm loved and believed, in RL and on here.

You sound very sorted and resilient. And you are believed. 💜💜

Hope you get some rest tonight

Sending you love Twenty xxx

I’ve just read your whole thread OP and am in total awe of your strength and bravery. And your grit and determination. What you have done is amazing and whatever the outcome, you can hold your head high.

You have shown incredible strength and resilience. You are a strong and resilient person.

Your colleagues believe you.
I believe you.
We believe you.

Whatever the outcome, you are loved, and supported.

With you in solidarity OP

Thank you everyone

Kentucky, your post got me, thank you for those words.

One minute I feel strong and resilient...the next I'm weak and teary.

Can't tell you what your support means to me.

I hope I've helped someone somehow somewhere with this thread.

Tomorrow will hopefully bring you a fresh start knowing you dont have to see him again. Good luck OP, well done for being so brave and strong throughout.

God. I've gone from feeling okay to feeling so fucking sad. My body and mind aches

Twenty Your words and actions have given me strength.

I’m no expert, but I think it’s so important to acknowledge how we feel and let ourselves feel it. It’s ok to feel weak and teary. This helps us process things and seek out the support we need. Feeling sad helps us heal. These feelings are normal and human. The main thing is to be kind to yourself. You’re doing amazingly. And we are all here in your corner

@KentuckyBlueberry

Twenty Your words and actions have given me strength.

I’m no expert, but I think it’s so important to acknowledge how we feel and let ourselves feel it. It’s ok to feel weak and teary. This helps us process things and seek out the support we need. Feeling sad helps us heal. These feelings are normal and human. The main thing is to be kind to yourself. You’re doing amazingly. And we are all here in your corner

If I have helped you, it's all been worth it

Sending you huge hugs, you're amazing and an absolute inspiration. I hope tomorrow is as manageable for you as it can be. Take as much care of yourself as you can x

@Twentypasttwelve

God. I've gone from feeling okay to feeling so fucking sad. My body and mind aches

It is sad, twenty. It's tragic. This should never have happened but it did. What counts now is making the absolute best you can of your life- as many baths as you can manage, and whatever else it takes to see you through. You're awesome.

You have done so well. One more day and you can start to put it behind you. Thinking of you for tomorrow.

We're right here behind you. We believe you x

I drank too much and stayed up extra late last night, to attempt to sleep through most of today... It didn't work. I did sleep well last ight (comatose) but here I am, been awake since 6am, still a bit tipsy, feeling sick and tired. The day seems so fucking long.

I keep re reading everyone's posts... So grateful for each and every one of them ❤️

Have decided in my head that no matter what the outcome today, I'm buying us an Indian delivery tonight.

That's a great plan. Having small pleasures lined up really helps with negotiating difficult times. Can you book some socially distanced meet ups?

A walk somewhere nice later today perhaps.
And putting headphones on full blast for a kitchen thrash disco has its moments too!

2 great ideas, pickle.

Going to message my best mate and see if she's around for a meet up today or tomorrow.

The fridge needs a deep clean so I'm going to do that later and listen to some ska on full blast.

Plus I'm going to paint on some canvas.

First though.... I need to get rid of this horrible hangover!!

Just wanted to send a hand hold. I think occupying yourself is a great plan -although I'm not convinced by fridge cleaning!

It is ok to feel every emotion under the sun. What a PP said before about how colleagues feel is right - there is no shame for you. If they find out, and there is no guarantee they will, the main thing they will feel is likely to be utter disgust at having worked with him. I can promise there will be no one thinks badly of you
💐

Bacon and eggs prescribed with cold fizzy drink

Good luck today. Sounds like there are plenty of grounds for dismissal. Hope you never have to see him again.

Stay strong x

Have had 2 sausage rolls and a pint of pineapple juice. Feeling better.

Watching judge judy... She always helps 😊

Thanks everyone xx

Just read your thread this morning, I can’t even begin to imagine how tough this has been for you. Hope it all goes well today. Whatever the outcome, none of this is your fault, you have nothing to be ashamed of