Work colleague raped me 5 years ago and I've finally snapped

[Twentypasttwelve]

Just that really.

I can't take being near him a moment longer. I've been signed off with stress and anxiety for 2 weeks.

I have no idea what to do. If I tell my manager why I'm off, is it confidential? Would he have to follow it up? I don't think I can bear reporting it to the police. I am not sure I can bear telling anyone at work tbh.

Could I look for work elsewhere while I'm off? I don't feel up to it tbh. I've asked the GP for therapy, so I am on the waiting list for that.

Any thoughts or advice would be welcome. I'm feeling okay atm but have felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, and am sure I will again soon.

Please help.

Hey thanks for the update. I'm a little concerned by your post - does it mean he has a case to answer, or you have a case against him?

Fingers still crossed for you, I hope your employer has the courage to deal appropriately and doesn't weasel out.

Just received an email from the big big boss... Copied and pasted a couple of lines which should clarify...

This investigation concluded on 21 May 2020 and I have received a report of those findings. Those findings concluded that there was a case to answer in respect of the allegations. I have carefully considered this report and have also concluded that there is a case to answer

Fingers crossed it is the right outcome, and WR gets his comeuppance.

Be aware, however, that if he doesn't leave, and you feel, as a result, that you have to, you may be able to take them to an employment tribunal for constructive dismissal, which they won't want to have bandied about the place, given the nature of the case. It's a whole new process to undergo, so hopefully it won't come to this.

Really hope this works out for you xx

Thank you

I do feel confident that he will be leaving in the next couple of weeks and that I will be able to go back to work. I just can't see them keeping him on in any respect whatsoever. Even my line manager said if they keep him on he'd have to leave. He said there's no way he'd work with him after this.

so glad there is light at the end of the tunnel, you have truly been an inspiration throughout.

All the best for the future and your return to work.

OP you rock. It must have taken a huge amount of courage for you to do this, and I have the utmost respect for you. So glad it seems to be going your way.

Great update op..

All during this process PP on here have been telling me how brave I am and how strong I must be. My husband and mum and close friends have also been saying this. But I never felt it at all. I felt broken and scared and weak. There have been times I wished I hadn't opened my big mouth and just sloped off quietly.

This has been such a long, slow, painful process. But I've had such amazing support in real life and on here. I feel so fortunate in that respect. I've been believed the whole way through...not once have I felt that anyone thought I was lying.

I can't believe I am in this position. Never in a million years did I ever think I would tell anyone, let alone begin an investigation against him. This is really beyond the realms of reality... I feel I'm in a dream.

But I'm glad I did it. I am starting to realise that yes I am fucking strong and brave. I acknowledge I am a bad ass survivor and no matter how the disciplinary process ends up, I am so fucking PROUD OF MYSELF!

YES! You are an inspiration!

All throughout an employment tribunal I felt weak and small, and scared, and vulnerable despite friends and family telling me otherwise. Years later I feel like I could stand up to anybody, and that I was a hero to other women.

Like a PP said you bloody well rock OP. In years to come you will know that you have done the right thing.

Good luck OP, you deserve it! X

The language the email uses is odd. However feud the disciplinary processes I’m used to dealing with split the investigation role (investigates and sets out findings) from the decision maker role (decides what action should be taken against the employee) following a hearing. It sounds like this might be what they mean.

That's exactly what they mean, Upper

GoKart... Thank you. Well done to you too. Feeling small and vulnerable like that is very familiar and I know how awful it is. I hope I'm over the hump of it and never to feel that way again. once a final decision is reached I can begin to heal properly at last
..

Ime dealing with it will help you in moving on.
I never reported my exh raping me.
Wish I had had your courage op
Good luck massively with the job op..
new beginnings.

Well done. Well done for having the courage. You are a lioness.

Thanks both

Lioness... I like that. Roar!!!!!

In my mind that's what being brave is - feeling small and scared, and doing it anyway!

You are an amazing and inspirational woman. Strength to you.

Great news OP 🙌

Hope you start to feel something like normal again soon.

Have just sat in bed reading this whole thread from the start with tears in my eyes and I just have to say you are so brave and although a complete stranger I'm so proud of you, for standing up for yourself and even though scared and a whole host of other emotions you still did it! Now that's being strong and brave!!

So happy for you OP, I know it hasn't been easy and that comes from someone unable (for various reasons) to make a similar report.

Wear that big smile with pride....

I've only just seen this, but wanted to tell you how glad I am the university is being supportive. I also work at a university and they're often risk averse so try to ignore things for a while so they can drag out - so I'm pleased for you, and your fast reaction by the Uni and good experience with them! looking forward to your email that he's been fired! Well done for being so brave!

'In my mind that's what being brave is - feeling small and scared, and doing it anyway!'

Yes to this. If you're not frightened, no courage is required.

Well done.

Goodness, I wasn't expecting any more replies. Honestly these messages have brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much. I had a call from women's Trust today, regarding counselling sessions. It was almost 2 hours long. I admitted that I have been experiencing abuse all my life. From witnessing my mother's rape, to believing I was a product of rape. Seeing my mother beaten and being beaten myself. My first boyfriend groomed me and raped me and was violent. My second relationship was also abusive. It made me realise what I've been through. It's been a tough day, which ended in me snapping at my lovely husband for absolutely no reason (over a TV programme!!) and I feel like shit. So these messages mean so much to me. Thank you xxx

Can't stop bloody crying.

I miss my mum so much.