So working mums (part time or otherwise), how do you cope with the guilt?

[charmkin]

?

Manamana - my problem is I do want to work and be a good mother but somehow feel that I end up doing niether particularly well. However, I am never sure whether this is my objective judgement or a subjective view born out of the idealised images that some people portray of their lives.

Likewise I think everyone else must be supermum, no one suffers and they're having a fabulous time. It's we who fall short ..

No guilt, just too much to do!

Buuuuut, one of my colleagues has just gone (not very) part-time because her DCs had pestered her to give up work for years to look after them. Don't know if I could have withstood it for as long as she did, frankly. My DSs are too little to mount serious campaigns for that sort of thing.

Gooseyloosey - i think lots of wohm have impression that being a sahm would be great and you'd be a much better mum, i know i wouldn't - i can't be full on enthusiastic mum 24/7 and i can't offer all the mates/games/crafts etc he gets at nursery, and i do find it mind-numbing that he can't talk! (god i sound evil don't i - he is fantastic and a v v cuddly and funny 19mo). similarly i know that i am a much more loyal employee now and will go the extra mile for them becuase they allow me to be flexible and stay at home if ds is sick or come in late/leave arly to co-ordinate nursery drop off etc with dh. I think you always think you could do your job better - even people without dc at home. Give yourself a bit of a break and don't expect to be perfect.

I don't think you have to create lots of activities for them all the time, be tied to the house and not talk to intelligent adults.

Agree with rebelmum. Don't need activities. That is what nursery is for. I don't do : sticking, painting, playdoh, water, sand, sticklebricks etc etc cetc - nursery does all of that.
What I do do is load washing machine, tidy up, washing up, playing, reading books, trip to park.

I've never felt guilty. Why in doing something that is better for children (than staying home) would there be guilt? The children benefit hugely.

Anyone who feels guilty just needs to come on the Xenia re-education course in 10 stages which sets out the ways you benefit your children if you work and damage them if you don't complete with hypnosis takes and modules on how sexist press manipulate studies. Guaranteed to increase your income by hundresd of thousands over a 40 year career and ensure your children grow up happy and proud of their lving working mother.

Gosh you must be amazing, an example to us all.

I work 28 hrs a week and lots of overtime.
I rarely feel guilty as my children have a very rich life and spend a lot of time with DH and their grandparents.
The only time I would rather be at home is when i have to work weekends or I cannot get home in time for bed.
But I know i am a better Mum because I work.
If I was at home all the time I would be a right grump.

I don't.

If I didn't work, we wouldn't have a roof over our heads.

End of.

I must live on a different plain. An alternate reality.

LOL Xenia!

She's right, you know! Esp about the sexist press.

I do often feel frustated. I would like to be able to take all school hols off work. I would like to drop DS off at school and then do the shopping in a civilsed way, and maybe prepare some food for the evening. (I know these things are frustrating for different multi-tasking reasons ofr mothers with babies and toddlers at home). I would like to be able to go on all the work trips abroad, and to a lot more of the evening activities my job involves. I would like to ba able to have a working cooker (in the absence of cooker-menders who work weekends and evenings).

DP feels exactly the same about the same sorts of issues.

But I have avoided guilt about non-particpation in PTA committee by nominating DP.

I did the SAHM thing and was rubbish at it. Now I work full-time and know that my children are better off - therefore, no guilt!!!! I don't know if I would feel guilt if I hadn't tried (and failed) at being a SAHM.

I really love working - it's great.

what guilt?

now off to read the thread in the hope that there are 64 responses exactly like mine

hoooorah

mwah mwah mwah I love you lot

Am I supposed to feel guilty about not being available to my family when I'm working, or about not working enough hours?

A mother's place is in the wrong, so they say.

Exactly EW, I gave up my job to try and get rid of my guilt at not being around more etc. Now my DD1 has started saying she wants to be a "mummy" when she grows up...last month she wanted to be a doctor.

guilt ?

well you must be one heck of a strong unwavering group of women.

After kids, I've always worked part time and now full time and I have had many moments of guilt.

Maybe you know the same feeling by another name?

My dd said, when she was about 9, that she did not want to have babies because of the yukky nappies, but she might like to foster a 10 year old.

Guilt goes with the territory (parenting I mean, not working)Coming from a long line of working class heroes I have a very strong work ethic - believe that everyone who is not ill or old should work - I'd deffo feel very guilty and a failure as a parent if DH (who also works and feels no guilt )& I did not bring my DC up to expect to work , to look forward to long and rewarding working lives, and show them what to expect by example...

maybe it's the childcare you use

my mum and dad look after ds and pick up dd from school

often get teh
you're in late comment
like i am sat drinking coffee or summat
but if i leave early
then I feel guilty cos of that

can't win
permanently knackered
career compromised being part time
house tidy and food cooked only half the week

o no - just as much guilt at least with non-relative childcare.

oh? why that then
i thought if you were paying for it then at least you would feel liek it was their job and not something you should be doing