So working mums (part time or otherwise), how do you cope with the guilt?

[charmkin]

?

Did anyone else read this as "how do you cope with the QUILT"? I was going to say, "she just pulls it over her side and leaves me to freeze my nads off."

Xenia?????????? where are you?

no guilt. I try very hard to ensure that I am always available for my children when they really need me. I don't work during school holidays and only work three days a week.

I think it is healthy for my children to see that I am capable of doing a responsible job as well as being a mother to them

What guilt?

Hmm difficult one. Yes sometimes I feel guilty like today dropping DD2 (2.5) @ nursery and she was crying, took DD1 to school then to work - reverse @ 5 o'clock tonight x 5 dys a wk! But lucky I enjoy my job - I think Tinker is spot on, having too much to do is different to guilt, its stress & yep to oliveoil - pulled in serveral directions. Me time? no chance. DH & I just make sure the weekends are quality time for the DD's which in turn gives us warm and fuzzy feelings that we are superparents yeah right...........

UD

snorts at 'nads off'

Ds (3.3) is fascinated that I have a job.
That is a healthy view.
If he only knew what people actually did at work, I'm sure he'd be alot less interested !!

There are two ways to think about this. One is that i should be at home with my child, giving him all the attention he needs and wants etc but that would involve being unemployed and having someone else provide for me. The second is that I am quite capable of working and therefore should support myself and DS consequently i go out to work full time. I drop DS at school at 8.35 - 8.45 and then pick him up from playcare between 5.30 - 6.00. Yes I wish that he didn't have to go to playcare and it would be nice if I didn't have to work but what are the alternatives? I have too much respect to scrounge and I am intelligent enough to be able to get a decent job so therefore I should. I can provide a better lifestyle and more comforts for him by working and earning a living surely than having to scrimp and save constantly. Plus if I didn't work, what on earth do I do from 8.45 - 3.15 every day???? It would drive me mad!

Don't get me wrong, lottery wins would ensure that I never worked again except through choice rather than necessity but that day is not today.

I look on it that there is a welfare system in place for those who need it rather than those who are too bone idle lazy. One day I might need it - you can't predict the future and very few jobs are for life these days - so I think that I should work while I can and help those who can't and then if it is needed working folk can help me out in my time of need.

lucyellensmum stop it!...

I feel terribly guilty, but I have only been back at work for two weeks, and now have a few days of cos I am sick! I feel guilty because I am leaving my DD with strangers, feel guilty that I am apart from her, feel guilty that I cam not in a position to be a SAHM.

However, as I said, I am new to this, I know, for sure that once I have settled back into work, I will not feelt guilty. It is the right thing to do, as mentioned by someone else here, it will show my DD that it is possible to be a good parent and work, shows responsibility, leads by example etc, and she socialises with other children more than with me, and I will hopefully be at home for 1.5 days in the week, and at weekends.

I think my guilt will become regret at having to work, not guilt.

No guilt. I am the only person who suffers as far as I can see...I'm the only one who runs round like a blue-arsed fly and gets frazzled after all.

No guilt from me either. I love my job, DS loves nursery and we love the time we have together. I miss him sometimes when I see other mothers in the mall at lunchtime with their kids, but I don't feel guilty about my choice.

I feel absolutely no guilt. When I dropped DTS sons off at nursery this morning, as I was leaving I turned to wave goodbye and they just ran off to get their breakfast. They never wave goodbye to me (boo-hoo!).

I work 3 days a week in my main part time job plus I work 2 to 3 days a month as a Non Executive Director for a NHS trust. I believe I have the best of both worlds - time for myself and time with my boys. Best of all, they are happy, content, feel secure and know that they are loved and wanted.

I work 3 days a week.
When I'm at work my DD1 is at school and after school she is picked up by Grandad and taken to Nana's and has a lovely few hours with them.
DD2 is at a childminders where she gets to play with other kids, a dog, 2 guinea pigs and a rabbit.
I get to have a break from being at home and do a job I enjoy.

What's to feel guilty about?

Same as that speedy. Mine kids never look back either. They are both very confident, happy kids. They are happy to see me when I pick them up but they have never, ever minded being left.

No guilt.
When I am at work I use my time efficiently (MN-ing aside, of course) and plan around parenting activities as much as possible - i.e flexi to accommodate school assemblies / nativity etc. When I am at home I focus on DS and family time.

Stress cracks appear - when school don't give notice of events, or complete info etc, or I have a period of lots of w/e or abroad events - but DP and I bear the brunt of all that, our respective employers are more than happy with us, our child is deliriously happy - he tells us so...so guilt doesn't enter into the equation - haven't time or energy for it.

I, by contrast to others, have lots of guilt.

I feel guilty cos I don't really do as good a job for my employers as I did pre-child and I feel guilty when my children say to me "don't go to work mummy".

However, I get over it on both counts. My employer continues to choose to employ me so they can clearly live with the arrangement. My children would actually not be happier with me at home as I personally would go nuts creating an unpleasant environment for all of us.

I think my feelings of guilt come from other people's expectations rather than what I intrinsically know is right!

When I pick them up, they nearly always send me flying as they run to me shouting "Mummy, Mummy". They then tell me about what they have been doing in the excitable way that toddlers chatter and it always makes me laugh. They are sociable, confident and happy. I would not have it any other way.

"I think my feelings of guilt come from other people's expectations rather than what I intrinsically know is right! "

Read that three times over, Charmkin!

i think i would have more guilt if i was at home all the time. when i do have biggish lumps of time with ds i seam to run out of inspiration and end up grumpy, ignoring him etc. Now that makes me feel guilty.

I'm in the minority too.

I haven't had the bit where ds says :
"don't go to work mummy". like
Goosey has. Maybe I will feel totally different when ds (3.3) does.

I certainly don't feel like I should be at work when I am not. They pay me for 3 days and I work 3 days. If they paid me for 5 days and I worked 3 I might feel guilty.

no guilt here either. stress, yes, plenty of that with trying to fit in a fulltime job into 4days a week and having to organise things way in advance to co-ordinate childcare for when d/h or i have to travle on business. But, I like working, like my job, enjoying being 'me' on my own sometimes rather than mum f/t and ds loves nursery. And we get to have a great time in morning/evenings/weekends/my day off.... Also means that ds sees that women can work too which I like. BUT, if you don't want to work or you're unhappy with idea of other people looking after your dcs then try and work out an alternative if at all possible financially - Ah, that's what all those trailblazing women fought for - so we can have the choice

I feel bad when I have to wake dd up to get ready for nursery, tell her to hurry up and shove her out the door, when I pick her up and she's exhausted and when I'm late and she's the only one there. I especially feel bad when I'm knacked on my days off and don't feel like playing..