Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

re all the discussion about being at home or working, just found this comment on another website - what do you think?

216 replies

ssd · 11/04/2007 09:15

"Just thought I'd point out that parents who spend more time at work than they do with their kids - whether through choice or compulsion is irrelevant really - are going to be relatively inexperienced at childcare. How is a parent who puts their first baby in nursery - or with a nanny - or other paid servant - from 8.30-6.30 five days a week - going to be able judge how that care has or has not affected their child? They can barely manage the little tyke themselves at the weekend. Plenty of high-achievers have had miserable childhoods at the hands of paid carers. Peter Ustinov, raised largely by nannies, noted in his autobiography how vulnerable children are to being the brunt of a servant's frustrations, and how unlikely this is to come to either the parent or the child's attention as being abnormal or even wrong. Read the first chapter of Mary Poppins and laugh (or cry!) Like all things, if you want to ensure that the job is well done, do it yourself or entrust it to someone you know really well and trust; otherwise it is really the blind leading the blind."

actually makes a lot of sense to me, what do others think?

OP posts:
NorksBride · 17/04/2007 11:39

I agree with the point about new parents finding it difficult to know what they want/need from childcare. I had hardly any experience of babies/children before I had DCs of my own so I would have settled for a nanny that was kind, hygienic, punctual etc.

However, now that I know what I'm doing (?!) I'd want an energetic nanny that liked ball games and walking the dog, that didn't go home if we had stomach bug. And I probably wouldn't have considered the importance of a childcare provider doing role-play, or having a set routine, doing tidy-up time or teaching them to hold a pencil correctly and put their boots on etc. But we all learn as we go along, SAHMs and WOHMs alike, so you could change your childcare if you thought it was failing your DC.

I think the article is extreme but I do think this point is valid.

PeachyChocolateEClair · 17/04/2007 12:52

I'd want a nanny good at toddler groups, ball games, routines- the stuff I'm crap at. to balance it. I am fine on the arty / hippy / gardening / emotional stuff though.

'we had no holidays abroad in fact often no holiday at all, no telephone, no sky TV, minimum heating to save money, no luxuries'

Oops I ams everely letting them down then. We have a home phone, access to a shared mobile which we can never be arsed to top up; no interest in Sky TV; heating only when necessary because of money AND other things (personally think excess heating bad thing- I didnt miss a day of senior school from illness nd we only ahd a small gas heater); no holidays abroad (though we camp here a lot).

Or perhaps my total lack of interest in these things illustrates the whole each to their own debate??????

preggerspoppet · 17/04/2007 12:53

just for the record, I have never left fathers out of this discussion. I think it would be great for fathers to stay at home if they feel they want to, and for mothers to work if that is what they want but is the choice that is lacking for lots of families.

taylormum I just have to pick up on your point about your income -you have huge travel to work costs.....
that would surely go toward you sah income? presuming you have a partner who works (or it could be the other way round)?
There are lots of hidden costs when you work, we too, make a lot of personal sacrifice to sah (as cc does) but also we found it quite surprising how much money is saved by one of us not working.

Huge mortguages etc, again to some extent a lifestyle choice -FAIR ENOUGH, your decision, but some people genuinely don't have the choice and that is a big problem.

cc you talk sense.

as for needing xenia! come on -I think we all know what script she would start running -or will as soon as she spots this thread, but I think her 'argument' does more to fuel a devide than to contribute toward any kind of posiive discussion.

I challenge you to discuss how we could make it easier for mothers to choose rather than defending your own decisions and attacking other people's decisions......

anniemac · 17/04/2007 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PanicPants · 17/04/2007 13:00

"If you are fortunate that you earn more than the tc threashold meaning that you don't qualify for childcare help then I might argue that you do have some kind of choice?"

Words fail me actually.

We do earn more, but we also have dp's daughter from a previous relationships' csa payments to pay for. They are actually far more than our mortgage.

Hence I have to work full time.

Maybe, instead of a generalised sweeping statement, preggerspoppit, you need to realise everyone has individual circumstances. I agree with you in theory - I desparately want to be at home with ds, we have tried every which way to balance the books to find a way - but no, we can't. But how insulting you are, for all of us which have absolutley no choice.

I have spent a sleepless night worrying how I'm harming ds by working. I have worked from home this morning, since 7 o'clock - solidly. And I'm now off to collect ds shortly to spend an afternoon together. Does this meet your aproval Preggerspoppet?

mamma2kids · 17/04/2007 13:02

I work part time so that DH does not have to increase his work commitments (ie work over time, travel etc) so that he also gets to see the kids. How many kids have lovely SAHM but never see dad as he's always working to pay for it all?

preggerspoppet · 17/04/2007 13:02

well done anniemac -helping to fel the deide also I see.

I did not say that did I I am assuming you are intellegent enough to know that you have just taken that comment and twisted it wonderfully to suit you.

PanicPants · 17/04/2007 13:02

And interestingly preggerspoppet - what are your children doing while you are on mumsnet?

anniemac · 17/04/2007 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GameGirly · 17/04/2007 13:05

There are some crap carers out there ... and plenty of crap parents too.
Whether you go out to work or stay at home to look after your children, you can't win - someone is always going to judge you.

anniemac · 17/04/2007 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 17/04/2007 13:08

mamma2kids - that is a good point. Currently I work 30 hours and DH works full time but takes quite a bit of time off for childcare duties and as he's self-employed that reduces his income quite a bit. My job is safe, family-friendly, close to home but not well paid. If I worked full time in a better paid job and commuted an hour or so a day I could earn as much as we both earn atm. But for now it seems better that both of us get some time with the kids.

anniemac · 17/04/2007 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

preggerspoppet · 17/04/2007 13:14

I am someone who is and does make personal and finnancial sacrifice in order to sah.

simply because we feel it is the right decision for us as a family.

some people absolutely DO choose holidays, big mortguages, cars, meals out etc over being sahp, that is FINE by me, whatever suits you.. but there is a choice in alot of cases.

for those who dont have a choice I think it is something our government needs to address. whether they earn enough for tc or whether they earn £1000 over the threashold (as someone on here does) if they genuinely don't have a choice then that is what is so wrong.

preggerspoppet · 17/04/2007 13:15

sleeping in bed panicpants, is that ok with you!?

preggerspoppet · 17/04/2007 13:15

(oh and the other is at school)
may I continue panic?

FloatingLikeALeadBalloon · 17/04/2007 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

preggerspoppet · 17/04/2007 13:18

sorry anniemac, call me stupid but your sarcasm is completely lost on me, I don't understand it and have no idea what 'side' you ar argueing for!!

preggerspoppet · 17/04/2007 13:19

agree totally floating, and that attitude should be adopted by the government too imo.

kks · 17/04/2007 13:20

I don't know why you would put your baby in childcare from 8.30am - 6.30pm. Aint that abit extream?

PanicPants · 17/04/2007 13:22

Ah get it now. Preggerspoppit you have made a SACRIFICE.

Of course, none of us have bothered to.

Can't believe I'm even arguing on mn with someone who has deliberately come on here to hurt as many people as she can.

(Think this is a first. Never been sarcastic or argued with anyone on here before)

Will leave this thread now and let Preggerspoppet carry on feeling superior becuase she has the luxury of choice.

PeachyChocolateEClair · 17/04/2007 13:23

I agree with floating, but fo the time Dh was a sahd, very few other people seemed to- job centre didnt see it as a very valid alternative (he asked them would they hassle me if I were home- answer probably not), playgroup used to hang on to notes addressed as Mum instead of giving them (although after a few years of school Ia dmit to having learned they wouldn't reach me if they ahd done- testified to by DS3 and I making a fish at 8 last night after fiding one needed today...). Frankly, he felt toher people found his status (not chosen) as a bit weird. I do admit though we lived iin a not particularly up to date area!

PeachyChocolateEClair · 17/04/2007 13:26

kks wouldn't that depend on the job? My sister does exactly that, there aren't enough people qualified in her field atm for her to find a likely candidate for a job share. So it is work FT or not at all for her, and she has still got PND (after the most terrible of PG / deliveries involving 4 weeks in NICU I should add) after 3 years, so its good that she gets a break. essential, really.

kks · 17/04/2007 13:26

With me it wouldn't be logical to put my baby in childcare all day and go to work because i worked out that i would just be working to pay for the childcare so there's no point.

PeachyChocolateEClair · 17/04/2007 13:28

Her childcare is mainly my Mum (not completely- 2 days aa week at nursery) but also is often a longer day than 8.30 - 6.30 tbh, and often on days you wouldn't exoect- she manages a Nursery herself (Ironically) so if other parents need to work, she has to be there. Its the other side of the picture I guess.