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Original poster

will prib regret this, and won't be here all evening to discuss, but just want to knbow why i am not a good role model for the kids if i choose to stay home with them

244 replies

mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 19:28

i am interested in why certain people think that staying home with the kids is not a good role model.
I am university educvated and post grad qualified and have had a professinal role for 20yrs. I have managed and i have taught undergraduates.
I think staying at home for a while with my children is what i want to choose now.
I don't feel that i am teaching them not to expect the best from themsleves in any way- could you explain how I am doing this?

I feel it is the best for me and my kids and i may well change later when they are at school full tjme.
Surely your job is not the only thing that identifies you as a strong role model to children??
i can't really believe this to be the case.... it would seem a somewhat narrow minded way to exist in the world.
I think it is interesting that when you meet people they often ask what you do for a living. The shallow people are not interested if you are a SHAM, the more interesting and dynamic and less conventional people accpet that at some points in one's life different priorities take precedent.
I am still ME and i am still a strong and powerful woman whether or not I go out to work outside the house... and why would it be otherwise ?

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 19:29

ps, i will do some saturday work maybe once a month- will that be a strong enough message to send them that i am of value?

OP posts:
McCadburysDreamyegg · 07/04/2007 19:29

Mrsjohn I am in the same position as you and I am going to read the answers to your very interesting post with interest. Happy Easter

Hulababy · 07/04/2007 19:30

I agree with you entirely. It is those who can't understand that being a SAHM is just as worthwhile as being a working mum.

Twiglett · 07/04/2007 19:32

'ave you got a chip on your shoulder?

don't feel I need to explain to anyone else my decision to be a SAHM .. nor do I need their approval

if I'm honest, people who are even slightly scathing of my being a SAHM are showing their own ridiculous sides .. I don't impact on them and I have a fabulous life

I don't feel the need to defend myself with any CV ..

why are you letting them get to you?

Roseanna · 07/04/2007 19:33

If you and your loved ones are happy with your choice then you do not need to justify yourself to anyone else.

Twiglett · 07/04/2007 19:33

although if this is directed at the weird poster who insists on going back to work when her children are 2 weeks old and believes that money is the root of all things valuable then I can't help smirking

Original poster
mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 19:39

yep, i suppose i have a few glasses of wine inside me and io am feeling a bit punchy

i am pretty chuffed with my decision and don't have a chip on my shoulder about it, but am interested to see why this could diminish my positive impressioon, as i ahve read on other threads here...
am interested but certainly not stressed.

OP posts:
DaphneHarvey · 07/04/2007 19:40

Not everyone is as robust as Twiglett.

I also find it ... mystifying??? ... that anyone can think staying at home with one's children when they are little is not worthwhile.

I think it has something to do with not making the most of one's education/earning power and making a mark in the world.

I have been on Mumsnet quite a long time (recent name-changer, not newbie) and I know it is infamous for SAHM/WOHM slanging matches.

I watch them with interest, but so far have only seen the SAHMs take a real bashing. The people who work seem to get respect from all sides.

Baffles me. I don't feel defensive, either. Just genuinely curious as to why it seems to get so many backs up.

So I'll be watching your replies with interest, too, MrsSimnel.

Freckle · 07/04/2007 19:41

I am a SAHM. Well, I don't actually get to stay at home much really. I worked for 16 years prior to starting my family. I gave up work when I had DS1. Since the children have gone to school full-time, I have done a part-time job, valuable voluntary work and have just acquired another accolade to my CV (not that I needed one). I teach my boys to do housework and to cook and explain that this is not just female work. I have explained that staying at home was a joint decision with DH, but that it might not be a choice available to them in the future and therefore how DH and I organise things between us now should not become an expectation for their future lives.

I like to teach them that choices are what we make when we are fortunate enough to have a choice (not all people do) and that, if they want to have as many choices open to them in the future, they need to start working towards that now. Probably goes right over their heads, but hopefully some of it will filter through.

Am I a role model for them? Possibly not as I am their mother and they are all boys, so my choices are unlikely to be theirs in any case. But I hope I am showing them that there are all sorts of ways to be a wife and mother in this world.

Judy1234 · 07/04/2007 19:42

I put my answer to your question on the other thread. As I said there so short a time after we have legislation banning discrimination on grounds of sex etc we are in a key stage in terms of domestic and sexual politics where women could in effect lose much of what they've gained if 99% of the time it's only women who request flexible work or give up work. We need to consolidate our position as women and continue to show hiring a woman isn't a bad deal for employers and that as much as men we want to run this country and all its insitutions. I am afraid now is not a time on an individual basis to be slacking off and putting your child before your nation. That's one point. I can think of a huge lot more.

Original poster
mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 19:42

freckel- you rock

OP posts:
Twiglett · 07/04/2007 19:43

I've never felt bashed

should I have? have I been unaware of low-flying insults?

I've always felt kind of lucky in my life-choices

.. admit to being particularly mellow and robust after a whole week's holiday including a few days of just DH and I .. ..

Snaf · 07/04/2007 19:43

Snort!

Oh, Xenia. You are a card.

Twiglett · 07/04/2007 19:44

oh it is about Xenia .. rofl

well not even worth entering that particular argument

because that's one weird set of values right there if you ask me

McCadburysDreamyegg · 07/04/2007 19:44

"slacking off"

Judy1234 · 07/04/2007 19:44

A second point... example at home - mummies don't work. Their role is to clean floors, nourish and cherish, care, give service sexual and domestic, wash men's shirts, worship and serve men in submissive fashion as they are forced to do over much of the globe - that example that women serve and men lead. Nasty piece of propaganda which keeps many women down. You have a moral duty to ensure it is not so in your home.

NadineBaggott · 07/04/2007 19:45

I'm as robust as Twiglett - completely agree

Original poster
mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 19:45

i just do want to put my children before my nation-- err what does that actually mean?

and i work in an industry that used to be a very male domain and i have trained some of the feckless young wippernappers to have to bloody respect fro women... a university role is a good one in this way.
SO am am not worried about whether or not i have made a difference. I KNOW i have.. so where's the problem with spending osme time making a difference with MY family?

OP posts:
Freckle · 07/04/2007 19:45

Ah bless. But I am truly shocked at Xenia's post. There is absolutely no way I am putting my nation before my children. Aren't we all a global nation now anyway??

I want to bring up boys who will be strong men who respect women and their choices - and, as the maternal instinct is so strong in some women, those choices might well include staying at home with the most vulnerable in society to ensure that they too grow up to be caring, tolerant human beings.

Twiglett · 07/04/2007 19:45

case proved

NadineBaggott · 07/04/2007 19:46

"to be slacking off and putting your child before your nation"

OH MY GOOD GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roseanna · 07/04/2007 19:46

That would have been a fabulous war-time slogan

zippitippitoes · 07/04/2007 19:47

in whole life terms i think it is much easier to work first and get a good set of credentials and cash behind you and then be an sahm than to be a sahm for x years during which your p climbs the work ladder

Original poster
mrsjohnsimnelcake · 07/04/2007 19:47

xenai- i assure you that this role is not in my home- my dh ironing his work shirst is a sommon occurrence- I just don't GET ironing tbh.

and My relationship isn't so pathetic... never was when i earned twice what dh earned and isn't now

maybe your veiw that other people's lives fill a certain stereotype needs a little investigation- maybe you are a little worried that this cuuld happen to you coz it certainyl hasn't happened to me...

OP posts:
Freckle · 07/04/2007 19:47

I do think that Xenia sees herself as some sort of modern-day Emmeline Pankhurst - obviously without chaining herself to any railings to make her point as she would then not be able to earn any money.......

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