will prib regret this, and won't be here all evening to discuss, but just want to knbow why i am not a good role model for the kids if i choose to stay home with them

[mrsjohnsimnelcake]

i am interested in why certain people think that staying home with the kids is not a good role model.
I am university educvated and post grad qualified and have had a professinal role for 20yrs. I have managed and i have taught undergraduates.
I think staying at home for a while with my children is what i want to choose now.
I don't feel that i am teaching them not to expect the best from themsleves in any way- could you explain how I am doing this?

I feel it is the best for me and my kids and i may well change later when they are at school full tjme.
Surely your job is not the only thing that identifies you as a strong role model to children??
i can't really believe this to be the case.... it would seem a somewhat narrow minded way to exist in the world.
I think it is interesting that when you meet people they often ask what you do for a living. The shallow people are not interested if you are a SHAM, the more interesting and dynamic and less conventional people accpet that at some points in one's life different priorities take precedent.
I am still ME and i am still a strong and powerful woman whether or not I go out to work outside the house... and why would it be otherwise ?

Some women feel guilty about giving up bf. I don't because I did it for eons, and am not subject to guilt trips.

But then I thought, oh but I did wimp out and finish work at 30 wks pg instead of going on to about 36 as planned. I know other women who carried on working to the bitter end; dh's boss was emailing the office 2 hours before and after giving birth (elective cs I presume).

The fact that some women eg Xenia are superheroes in the world of breadwinning work doesn't mean we all can or have to be.
I've read Xenia's posts on the subject with interest and am impressed by the amount of attention she gets (from eg Twiglett) for them.

Yes, women have struggled to gain greater political equality. I'm happy for Xenia to take advantage of our more recent rights and freedoms. But personally I don't want the right to be constantly exhausted, doing 2 demanding jobs, neither of them well.

Mrs john, I was agreeing with mrsjohn.

McC - - no need for

here's some for you.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

hmmm, i see yolur point.
I am in a different situation, i could well earn more than dh if i worked full time. but he is in a flakier indusrty than me- and if he were to elave work now to stay home for any stretch of time, then he will prob never work again- age and technology passing him by...
i can go back to work at some point full time/pt as necc, so can also stay home too IYSWIM.

i think we are being as responsible and sharing the load in the way that suits us....
but my point still stands that i am concerned that feminism here is just equating to being able to earn as much money and command as much respect as a man in the board room.
how many of us have ever been in a board room? or want to go to a board room anyway?

Id bloody love to be in the boardroom, bt fat chance

thank yo for the s

so if your dh left work to sahp he might never work again....yes it is not always the case that you can get a job after being a sahp

rantinghousewife... gald you agree...great name btw..
i ahve changed from oops recently but will prob not be mrsjohnsimm much lonegr- i really donw't want to identify myslef as the wife of another person- i just need a name for myself...

Don't worry mrsjohn, I won't judge you on it!!

Well if a man at home is a work shy git so are women. Let's not be sexist about it.

You're really getting into what is the purpose of life on earth, aren't you, very appropriate for Easter Eve. I was asked about "example" or role model and I think given how women have been abused and kept down and denied legal rights on this planet in the last 10,000 or 5000 years women can't slacken off now and go home and bake cakes. They still have battles to fight, just like people left their homes and jobs and followed Jesus or leave family now, male and female soldiers and risk their lives. Sometimes the greater good demands sacrifice of your own family. Personally I would see it as anyway the family getting more money and ahappier mother too so women working full time is win win win but others may see it as a bit of sacrifice adn if you see it as that I say make the sacrifice for the greater political good and don't wimp out now in 2007 when we are really only just getting 50% of women doing XYZ.

But if you think a woman's place is outside of the economy, in the home and doing volunatary work then of course you'll take a different view.

well, zip, he will prob not go back to work in the same place as before etc... i know, it is terrible isn't it?
and it happens to men and women... with him it would be a case of ageism and the fact he is in the sort of technology that changes month by month...

not sure what that goes to prove, but there it is- we have talked about how it all works with us and feel lucky that we have cjoices....

my OP is really regarding the fact that i don't feel that i am any less a person becuase of our/my choice

my role models are all sorts of people, and mostly they arent high achievers in the conventional sense, bt they are all people who have stepped ot of their own lives to inflence other peoples'.

eg the woman who showed me that Christianity is more than going to chrch. the woman who went ot of her way to help the sikh commnity in her town feel at home in the 70s. The woman who got that award recently for her work with deprived children. and many others. Together, they make a patchwork of behavior that I look up to. (bog off pedants btw!)

Nothing to stop anyone being in the board room. You can buy a company tonight on line and be in the board room tomorrow if you want. Just form your own if you can't find one to join. More women under 40 are millionaires in the UK than men.

I think looking after your family is the important thing- for different famillies that varies as to what is the best way to achieve that. Me being home when Dh is sometimes (bearing in mind he leaves for work at 7 pm) is a huge part of that for us, and of course the lack of childcare that will accept a 7 year old with SN and aggression problems!.

The message I want my boys to have is that you can make a sucess of your life in so many ways. Perhaps we learned the hard way- we lost our house years ago (whilst we were both working, couldnt clear remnants of the me pg / Dh ill problem mentioned earlier) and I have learned that being on benefits won't hurt me, but losing my family would. And my family would fall apart if I was working right now. Doesn't mean I never will- i will for sure work again- but not now.

he he xenia I thoght I was making the point in a sbtle way

'Well if a man at home is a work shy git so are women. Let's not be sexist about it. '

Let me amend that

'Well if some men at home are work shy gits so are some women. Let's not be sexist about it. '

are wone who work in the boardroom really good politically?
do you mena party politics? or just genrally.
i don't think of my role as baking cakes- though i did bake rather a spiffy cake yesterday
i would like th=o think there is more going on in my life than that.

the same as i am sure that people who work in abnking don't really want me to think all they do all day is count money... err, they do actually do something else don't they?

Not everyone has the wherewithal and the desire to be in the boardroom, Xenia. Someone has to do the "little" jobs or our infrastructure would grind to a halt.

xenia, I feel held back by lack of knowledge. Im a technical expert, and know nowt abot bsiness. Realistically, I will only make it on my own if I am lcky enogh to spot the chance and know the right people to get it off the grond with.

So nightynight and Xenia- what about women who don't work, but do charity work? Not only do they achieve many of the things listed in your post, but they do it in a way that often saves the economy thousands (we worked out that £8 spent on a volunteer saved Social Services £80- money they couldnt have afforded)

Lapin I pointed that out to her before. She ignored me then.

I am not sure that i want to do something for a political point...

i want top do stuff becuase it makes me happy...

and i am not the sort of person who is blissfully ignorant. I have been a political animal and am now less niave about politics- well party politics especially.

Well, you never address the points you can't argue with. Just listen to the politicians on the Today programme for prime examples!

peachy
my ex is a workshy git!
I woldnt dream of applying that term to the mother of a SN child.

Xenia I don't want to be a millionaire. It would take too much time away from my mothering and being a family type of a girl.

Also, I like my heart. I don't want to abuse it. It comes in hand for cuddles and the like.