will prib regret this, and won't be here all evening to discuss, but just want to knbow why i am not a good role model for the kids if i choose to stay home with them

[mrsjohnsimnelcake]

i am interested in why certain people think that staying home with the kids is not a good role model.
I am university educvated and post grad qualified and have had a professinal role for 20yrs. I have managed and i have taught undergraduates.
I think staying at home for a while with my children is what i want to choose now.
I don't feel that i am teaching them not to expect the best from themsleves in any way- could you explain how I am doing this?

I feel it is the best for me and my kids and i may well change later when they are at school full tjme.
Surely your job is not the only thing that identifies you as a strong role model to children??
i can't really believe this to be the case.... it would seem a somewhat narrow minded way to exist in the world.
I think it is interesting that when you meet people they often ask what you do for a living. The shallow people are not interested if you are a SHAM, the more interesting and dynamic and less conventional people accpet that at some points in one's life different priorities take precedent.
I am still ME and i am still a strong and powerful woman whether or not I go out to work outside the house... and why would it be otherwise ?

but nighty night, just becuase your mother was not a good role model as a SAHM I don't feel this is a reason that women HAVE to do something other than SAH if they are mothers. WHy can't they stay at home and do the job of bringing up the kids well?

And do we differentiate between SAHM whose children are at school, and those who are not?

NN - doesnt sound like your mother did anything bad to anyone, why on earth are you so negative about her?

god forbid anyone should ever actually have the time, freedom and sheer audacity to follow their own interests...

not enough, mrsjohn!
looking after an average size family and house is not a f/t job when your children are at school, or even before (I did a p/t course while my eldest 2 were babies)
Also, you dont opt out of being a member of society just because you have children.

there are loads of useful things to do, eg classroom help or visiting old people, or volunteering for the CAB, or anything that contributes to society.

Actually, when I did work, we were almost totally reliant on SAHM's to keep the charity going (I owrked for homestart ifd anyone knows them?) we had a few older women too, but generally it was SAHM's. They needed both the energy and the time.

So far from not achieving and making no contribution, they were literally keeping many famillies afloat at times. What a wonderful thing!

And many of those did have school aged kids, they needed to be that age for them to have the time.

boysontoast - Im not going into my life history, but believe me she is bone selfish. Of course anyone has the right to follow their interests and do what they want - the question was, are they a good role model though.

But it is possible to give something to society without earning a penny by it. Superficially, my mum would fit the same pattern as yours, Nightynight - she was a nurse until she got married, then had four children & afterwards devoted herself to her hobbies and did minimal housework, and never had a paid job. But she was the most amazing woman & I am so glad that she was around until DD was 10 to be a role model for her, as well as her own four. Her hobbies were sewing & other crafts & she passed on her skills to dozens, probably hundreds of people in WI classes, her general knowledge was incredible,and she passed much of it on to me & my children - not just knowledge but a love of knowledge for its own sake,as well as for what it can get you.
(She also passed on her disinclination to do housework, which has probably enriched my life as much as anything else )

i suppsoe it is as big as you make it... you can do the bare minimum and find it boring and not stimulating enough- same as any job IMO.
If you are prepared to put in the extra effort and challenge yourself and the kids then it becomes more interesting and eciting.
And, yes, some of those things can be helping at school, doing voluntary work. Or those things can be someting else.

I suppose life within the home can be cruised, the same as any job...
still doesn't mean you HVAE to do those things IMO

It can be enough to do just that!

I mean, not all famillies 9-5 types, if I wasn't at home in the day I'd never see my permanent night shift working DH, and our marriage would collapse (we always struggle if we don't see each toher- we're the opposite of most poelpe, space we don't need).

Isn't wanting to maintain a marriage enough?

And not even ,mentioning poeple whose kids have Sn and have to be home for whatever time the bus drops them off that day- and no childcare- oops I mentined it LOL.

My MIL was a military nurse before she had her children. She has not worked since.

She's raised almost £1m for charity singlehanded, but she's a no-one on the career ladder... Dh is sooo ashamed of her...

another point, this is presupposing that your dh earns enough to support you all, and is not at risk of losing his job. if either of those is not true, then you'd be a better role model if you took some financial responsibility.

Righty ho, Maggie!!

LL

well NN, if she is truly selfish, then dislike her for that if you wish. but i dont think its particularly helpful to make sweeping judgements/statements about women who dont work based on her alone.

no, my point was that I dont think that you are a very good role model if you only look after your children and house.
That isnt to say that people who do are bad, or anything like that. just that they could be better

so I stand by what I said.

McCadbury - you do know I'm joking about the ashamed bit, right?!

no missed that sarcasm and I'm usually so switched on must be tme or bed. Just saw the military nurse and became all defensive as I used to be one too

i really don't agree that it should all boil down to financial responsibilty ie you shoudl go out to work... why?

can't you teach financial responsibilty by showing children how money work, how to add up and account for their financial actions.
i just don't see that if your partner earns enough so that you can stay home...then the nautral thing to do it to go to work mto show the children that is what one should do..

why is work sooo important?
really?
why?

Are we not important as people, as thinkers, as teachers of our children, as lovers, as friends?

or does it just boil down to the fact that actually feminism has changed our lives such that to be of any value we need to be able to earn money?

is that really what is going on here?

McCadbury - - DH is Navy, as is his dad AND my sister... we do not denigrate the military in our house!

sorry

Yes Mrs John, I think you're absolutely correct, that is exactly what is happening.

That sounds sooo f+cking liberal- sorry to those people who do have to work for financial security, my post is aimed at the theory that if you are finacnially secure for reasons other than work, then why is it important to work yourself?

i am acutely and sadly aware that this is not the case for many people and certainly isn't the case for me either- as i said, i will ahve to do some saturday stuff to contribute, but am no longer a "career woman" for now.

mrs john, I think yore looking at it from a slightly different angle from me.
I have always been the sole breadwinner, in an indstry where redndancy is really common.
I wold have loved it if my ex had shared that responsibility - being the sole earner is a bloody scary lonely place to be.

as it happened, he prefered staying at home. work shy git.

so I think it makes yo a better role model becase yo are sharing responsibility, not becase yo are valeing yorself in solely financial terms. (have yo worked ot which letter on my keyboard isnt working tonight lol)

I don't agree with that thinking BTW, just agreeing with you!!