will prib regret this, and won't be here all evening to discuss, but just want to knbow why i am not a good role model for the kids if i choose to stay home with them

[mrsjohnsimnelcake]

i am interested in why certain people think that staying home with the kids is not a good role model.
I am university educvated and post grad qualified and have had a professinal role for 20yrs. I have managed and i have taught undergraduates.
I think staying at home for a while with my children is what i want to choose now.
I don't feel that i am teaching them not to expect the best from themsleves in any way- could you explain how I am doing this?

I feel it is the best for me and my kids and i may well change later when they are at school full tjme.
Surely your job is not the only thing that identifies you as a strong role model to children??
i can't really believe this to be the case.... it would seem a somewhat narrow minded way to exist in the world.
I think it is interesting that when you meet people they often ask what you do for a living. The shallow people are not interested if you are a SHAM, the more interesting and dynamic and less conventional people accpet that at some points in one's life different priorities take precedent.
I am still ME and i am still a strong and powerful woman whether or not I go out to work outside the house... and why would it be otherwise ?

and . slcking off and putting my children before the nation--- er don't you pay people to do that for you?

ie the sahms on mumsnet are very often people who are following a successful work experience with sahm

Thread hijack .... Twiglett, how did your dsis cope with your bratletts whilst you were enjoying a few days with just you and dh???

if your nation means that much to you surely you would sacrifice having a family.

i am cureently growing vegetables as part of this war type effort, what are you lot doing?

rofpmsl at Xenia. That's one of the most ridiculous things I've heard for a while. Because funnily enough not every woman does want to run the country

Xenia ~ I have to say I feel sorry for you. The amount of Xenia bashing I have seen lately is childish and uncalled for.

Fwiw I would never have gone back to work and still get people saying to me that I should go back now that all of my children are at school. For me being at home is my job and it works for me.

I'm joining the Land Army. Mum's the word, eh?

hmmm, i am sorry if i am being childish... i suppose i was interested in an intellectual discussion, but ended up laughing at some of the things that were said.

If i was sitting across the table with xenia at a pub or at a friends' house i am sure we would be having an interesting and lively debate and we would be enjoying it- i am not a mean person and enjoy humour and a lively discussion.
SO xenia- if you ahev taken offence as has been suggested, i offer my hand to shake on an equal basisi and an apology.
If you aren't offended, then lets carry on and have a debate and deal with the fall out in a grown up and humerous way.

I suppsoe what happens on MN is one gets comfortable and enjoys the debate without thinking that people may be offended.

Xenia I have served my nation - in Bosnia, Kosovo, The Falklands, the Gulf - would you like me to go on? I have seen some terrible things that happen in this world. Please don't ever tell me I am slacking off to bring up my children.

If Xenia was that easily offended she'd have flounced long ago......

Returning to the original post, I'm saddened that anyone should feel doubt about making a decision to stay at home and bring up their own kids. I can only assume that some WMs who feel contemptuous to SAHMs feel that we're not contributing to the exchequer in some way. Well, we all know Gordon Brown. Fuck 'im, I say!!!!!! .

I think a lot of it comes down to the modern-day valuation of a person being solely related to their earning power. If you don't earn a salary, then you are worthless, ergo SAHMs are worthless. Which is just so wrong on all levels.

Couldn't agree more freckle, IMO there is something very wrong about measuring your self worth in your career. After all, take it from me, once you've popped your clogs, your boss won't be sitting there mourning you, he'll be looking for the next prospective candidate to take up the slack. Personally, I think it does women a great disservice to think that once they give up work to look after their children, then they are obsolete in the workplace. Any fool knows that a full time mother has skills that transfer equally well to the modern workplace. What the womens movement (if there is such a thing, anymore) should be concentrating on, is making it easier for women to re-enter the workplace after they have cared for their children, not trying to make themselves feel inadequate for their choices.

Ok, deep breath!!!

Choosing to either stay at home or go to work subsequent to having children is a personal decision and should be bugger all to do with the nation. I choose to work as that is who I am but I've also applied and achieved flexible working - I wanted the best of both and didn't see why I should compromise on either. To me, the whole purpose behind womens rights and equal opportunities was never about forcing women into work it was about giving women the right to choose. If a woman wishes to stay in the home and raise her children then thats her right, just as if a woman wants to go out and work whilst raising children, that too is her right. Flexible working isn't just about having kids - its about having a work life balance and it shouldn't be just about women needing it - plenty of men have it too. Personally I think its more important that every woman votes more than whether she irons shirts or not!!

I'm a sahm and i don't feel worthless. I think my job is a very damanding,tiring yet forfilling job to do. People sometimes just assume that sahm's just sit round the house all day!

Freckle, that's the debate about whether women take on men in a mens' world or whether we reject patriarchy and capitalism and perhaps set up some form of communist female share all group either with or without men. I think women have a huge and valuable part to play in the cabinet on the battle field and in the City and at least for now that's where you do better, not minding your babies at home, unless we have 50% of directors, the cabinet female etc when we could move back to women taking choices that suit them.

I just never liked that model - the hand that rocks the cradle rocks the crown, behind every strong man is a strong woman, US presidents whose wives serve and lobby. Why can't the president herself be female... hopefully will be in our life time.

Also in a society where status and earnings are regarded as key to many and where your children however much you guard them against TV and capitalism will probably also view them as so, if you do nothing but clean and care and your husband leads and rules isn't that a pretty nasty example to present to the childre - mother just looks after the home and does stuff any domestic servant could do on the minimum wage but daddy does the real hard stuff leading companies and institutions because really women can't do that, the Victorians were right all along, a woman's brain can't cope with meidicen and law etc and pregnancy addles the brain which is why you're better off retreating to some domestic nest once you're a mother glacnging through Martha Stewart cataglogues and your interests being sole kinder kuche and I hope at least tomorrow kirche.

You're right, Freckle. And I have always been uneasy when people sidle up to me and say 'and what do you do?' I worked for 23 years before I had my ds, but never felt I had to define myself by the fact that I sat in an office slaving for someone else's directorship. The only people who are ever going to remember you for any length of time when you're dead and buried are your own kids ... not your bosses - and I don't think many kids are ever going to reminisce with disappointment because their mothers chose to stay at home and be with them when they were small enough to need them. And if that's controversial, than the world has gone quite mad.

Xenia, where do you get this idea that SAHMs only cook, clean and serve their husbands??? It may happen in some households, but not in mine and, I dare say, many others.

counttoten,,hurrah,, sensible poster - well ok an opinion i agree with anyway .Horses for courses, whatever works for you and your family should be respected

Anyway, Xenia, shall we all go back to work and pay some poor woman, the minimum wage so that she can look after our kids, instead of us. Girl power (cringe), I don't think so!!

Ah, work, don't work, tis all the same as long as you're happy and the children are happy.

Happy mum, happy baby, eh?

Interesting article
from last Wednesday's Guardian. I think us SAHMs are doing more to serve the nation than you realise Xenia.