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Original poster

Anyone fancy a thread for mums who work full-time?

334 replies

Oly5 · 30/09/2015 18:00

Hello, just wondered if any other mums work full-time and fancy a bit of a thread?
I adore my kids but enjoy working full-time too. I feel it's a massive taboo to say so. This thread is for people who feel like me, who are struggling to make it work, who wish they could work less. Anyone really!

OP posts:
Original poster
Oly5 · 08/10/2015 17:31

Are you a lawyer Want2be? Do they not offer any sort of flexible working/working from home at all? You poor thing

OP posts:
Mindysgotswag · 08/10/2015 17:32

Hamster-wheel feeling?? Yes, can totally relate to that too...Sad

Want2bSupermum · 08/10/2015 18:38

Worse. I'm an auditor.

NK5BM3 · 08/10/2015 19:32

Still at work. Been here since 8.30. Only grace is home is 5 min away. I'm so tired and have mentally checked out of this place. I need a change.

stoopstofolly · 08/10/2015 19:53

Arichvernacular- I think a lot of my frustration around my second shift is the fact that I don't get any real acknowledgement. By the time DH comes home the clubs and homework are done, dinner cooked and children are sitting peacefully. He doesn't see the rush between work- home- school- tennis- swimming- piano and all the homework and friendship issues I navigate- in addition to starting work at 7.30am and then having to catch up in the evenings. It's brilliant that my boss is happy for me to do my work wherever and whenever, but it also tends to mean I'm never "off".
I did a timetable yesterday (colour coded by child!) DH looked at it and said "Christ". Not terribly useful.
This week I forgot photo day, school trip money, packed lunch for said school trip and lost a cycling helmet on a park bench. Not a great home week, but conversely a brilliant one at work- the kind of week that reminds me why I'm doing this (aside from the cash obv!)
Onwards.....

Original poster
Oly5 · 08/10/2015 20:09

Stoops, have you asked your DH for help with all the extra stuff? I understand he's not home for the ferrying to clubs and the homework but surely he could take on the school admin/lunches/buying PE kit and all that other stuff? I think it's unacceptable when two people work full time for one person (usually the woman) to be left to run the house too. There must be a way of divvying up chores a bit more easily.

OP posts:
Grapefruit8 · 08/10/2015 20:15

I'm so glad I've found this thread! I am currently pregnant with my first child and although it's early days we know ill be going back to work full time when baby is about 6 months. I earn more than my partner so it just makes sense, plus the company do a return to work incentive so we are keen to take advantage of that. I am hoping to do my hours over 4 days, we won't have to pay for childcare as between my partner and our parents we will be able to cover the full week. It's still so frightening and I feel so worried about telling people, like I'll be judged for going back full time but I know it's the best for our family. Just lovely to read about you all and how you find various ways to manage Thanks

anothernumberone · 08/10/2015 20:28

Yes oly I think it can easily slip into women taking on extra family work. I would find that DH is great but he can slide backwards from time to time. It has made things very even for him to take the morning breakfast shift and me the evening. I feel like it has really taken a load off and the kids love having him bring them to school.

The cleaner coming in a second day has made our lives much better. One day is laundry changing beds, putting the kids clothes away and ironing and one is a top to bottom clean it is fantastic. The au pair does our children's laundry and makes one evening meal per week on my longest day. I do think a gardener would be a good idea during the summer as DH ends up doing it at the weekend although I am off at that stage so I do everything else over the summer so maybe not Smile.

anothernumberone · 08/10/2015 20:30

grapefruit you will be judged for going back full time..... Or staying at home full time .....or working part time. One thing you can be guaranteed as a mother mainly in the world of Mumsnet, you will be judged Grin.

originalmavis · 08/10/2015 20:31

My question is... When I'm put of the house by 7am, home by 6pm... Who the hell is leaving piles of laundry, mountains of dishes and piles of crap everywhere?

SellFridges · 08/10/2015 20:45

Checking in as I'm a full timer usually. I'm on Mat leave with DD at the moment but will be going back full time after Christmas even though this time we could probably afford for me to do less.

I'm lucky to work for a very flexible company and will finish early two days so I can meet DD from school on those days. She's just getting busy out of school though so it won't be a break for me! We're definitely getting a cleaner this time and I need to find a regular baby sitter too or DH and I are going to be like ships that pass in the night!

Nice to know there are others out there. Most people in my work do 4 days or 4.5 in 4. In fact most people I know who do full time are teachers!

SellFridges · 08/10/2015 20:46

I'm on Mat leave with DS. To still be on mat leave with DD would be impressive slacking! She's almost five!

Littlepinkpear · 08/10/2015 21:05

Finally replying.

I'm a very senior manager in a very specialist role. DH works from home, does school pick up, I do nursery drop off and run.

It would never occur to me, especially due to my income to not work. I never even considered it. 10+ years of further education and exams I guess.

I was also raised by strong women, damn strong women who worked nights and put me to shame right now.

However, I'm knackered. I am so bored. I am fine for money but I have no time to go shopping, have my hair done etc.

I want to make my life easier but DH refuses to outsource housework and chores.

How do I get him to accept a cleaner or ironing lady? I'd happily pay for it myself.

How do I get off the hamster wheel of the constant churn churn churn of chores, places to be, homework, dinners that I just don't want to think about let alone make?????

My family are happy, work is amazing but it just feels all a bit like I'm riding by the seat of my pants every day.

Kennington · 08/10/2015 21:10

Little pink pear you have to persuade him to have some help with chores. The difference if huge. I work full time, with slight flexibility of hours some days and the additional home help is essential.

anothernumberone · 08/10/2015 21:11

littlepink you cannot get off the hamster wheel without outsourcing the drudge work. We were not in a position financially to do that until now. It has made a huge difference to my ability to come onto Mumsnet mainly

Want2bSupermum · 08/10/2015 21:22

pinkpear you do what I did and just hire someone! I had three arguments about the DCs evening routine. When I was going back to work this summer I just hired help and told DH in a matter of fact way. He knew better than to argue with me.

Now he sees what a difference it makes there are zero complaints. I also don't tell him about ordering food in. I just do it.

Littlepinkpear · 08/10/2015 21:28

Sorry, not enough detail, my fault.

We split the work, DH cooks dinner and then does baths. I load the dishwasher and clean round, pack bags, layout clothes, do admin.

I do ironing and washing. I fucking hate washing.

I clean the bathrooms, he cuts the grass.

But my laptops back out when the kids are in bed and my chores are done. Leave it for a few days and the house is so untidy or behind it upsets me.

Weekends seem to be spent cooking, cleaning, food shopping, swimming lessons, bloody birthday parties, getting some fresh air, replacing clothes/shoes lost and outgrown, library visit, coffee with friends etc.

It's always the same Sad

Littlepinkpear · 08/10/2015 21:31

I think I'm pinning my hopes on a cleaner making everything else go away.

It's so dull and I realise I have so little to moan about. However, so much energy is invested in just standing still.

Littlepinkpear · 08/10/2015 21:32

I would just like a daily person to come in, do the chores, still a dinner on the stove and leave Grin

stoopstofolly · 08/10/2015 21:36

Oly5- DH does do a lot at weekends but my issue is that as he's not there in the week he misses knowing about things things that need doing. He ferries them around at the weekend and does a lot of household jobs- it's just that I have to tell him what needs to be done as he doesn't see it and doesn't know enough about what's happening on a day to day basis in order to know what's required. For example he did sort out the uniform prior to school- but I was the one who went to all the meetings about the new uniform requirements and knew all the sizes so I had to be very specific about what he had to go and get... It was only just easier than doing it myself!

My job involves managing massive global projects and I feel that this spills over into my home life.

Littlepinkpear · 08/10/2015 22:00

Stoops, I sometimes call this brain babysitting. DH helps all the time but I am in charge of the organisation, who goes where, forms, jobs etc.

'Tell me what to do' is the standard ask. I want someone else to remember and do it, not just me.

I run massive projects in work and there is no respite from it at home.

I just don't have to capitalise my monthly spend from the family budget.

Wings13 · 09/10/2015 07:14

Place marking too. Going back soon after 18 mths off so need to read this thread!

Lucidlady · 09/10/2015 08:54

So pleased to have found you all!

I have 2 DC, 4 yo DD and 1 yo DS. I work FT in a Big 4 role. Have a husband who is also FT and works long hours/travels a lot, so I'm on my own quite often.

I always feel like I am no more than one missed laundry load from disaster. I have a routine, dishwasher on every night, washing machine on too then dryer in the morning. Try to clean as I go rather than let it get out of control. All it takes though is one ball to drop and the whole caboodle comes crashing down!

Helenagrace · 09/10/2015 11:59

Littlepinkpear what's his objection to outsourcing cleaning and ironing? Maybe we can help think of something that will make him see sense. In the end I told my husband we'd have better sex if I wasn't so knackered!

Is there a ironing service you can use where you drop the clothes off and pick them up later? I use one like this and there are several near me so I think it's a popular model. What about a Saturday cleaner? There must be someone who wants to clean on a Saturday? At least one of you would be there then (I'm assuming this is the issue?).

Lucidlady I hear you when you talk about it only takes one ball to drop and it all comes crashing down! I constantly feel like a circus plate spinner!

I just had an email from the recruiter I turned down last week who wants to talk to me again about the same job. It's an hour commute but it's an organisation I'd love to work for and it would be a fantastic job for me. Gah!

SellFridges · 09/10/2015 16:15

I love the phrase brain babysitting! DH is like this - wants to help but either

A) needs telling what to do (I don't want to just eat a dinner he's cooked, I'd like to not think about it AT ALL!)

B) or he does things too in depth. Instead of just hoovering quickly and making the place presentable he will start emptying cupboards. Gah!

I'm going to come up with a plan for when I go back because I want to really get on quickly. I don't want to be thinking of some of this stuff when I should be concentrating at work!

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