Anyone fancy a thread for mums who work full-time?

[Oly5]

Hello, just wondered if any other mums work full-time and fancy a bit of a thread?
I adore my kids but enjoy working full-time too. I feel it's a massive taboo to say so. This thread is for people who feel like me, who are struggling to make it work, who wish they could work less. Anyone really!

Morning!

I work ft too. Just returned after being a sahm for 3 years. Not by choice anyway. Have been back for 7 months now, and love it. So much more rewarding for me mentally (that's a whole thread in itself)
I have always worked, so found it really difficult being at home.
I'm doing really well in my career, even though it's one that I'd never really would have thought to do, and am heading to management level, as after 4 months my manager has seen my potential and have been on a few courses, and been actively involved in management conference calls. I have a few more courses and then I'm fully qualified in other areas and in for a pay rise.
All this has really boosted my confidence too. I didn't like being at home, as felt that I was forced into the sahm role. So it wasn't fun.
My dd's have wrap around care it school, and it's brilliant. They still miss me, but they're used to it now.
And as pp, cleaning has gone to shit...meh!

Place marking as too sleepy to post properly! I will be returninv to work in a months time and have been told I have ro return full time. Not looking forward to it so interested to read through these comments.

Place marking as have been woken by dd who has had a bad dream. I need to get off MN as I have a conference call at 7.30am

OP I agree that being a stay at home parent doesn't equal a better parent. As I say a lot of my friends are sahm for a few days a week and I don't know what they do with their children. I feel very comfortable knowing that my nursery is providing a good variety and structure for dc. They do great things including lots of messy play which I don't always do at home. Plus I do feel it is important for them to have the social element of being with lots of other children as it prepares them for school. But I would say that!
I feel extremely confident in our choice of childcare and I do think that helps to appease the guilt! I do have moments of feeling guilty about not being at home more- it was worse when I first started back at work. But I also enjoy working and I need to work for my own well being and our lifestyle. We could afford for me not to work but we would have to compromise on our lifestyle and we want to do the best for dc and give them a better life than we had. I would have gone crazy if I'd had to be a sahm as I simply don't have enough patience for babies/toddlers. Plus I have a poor napper so do a lot of walking/pushing/driving for sleeps and I hated that!
I do think you have to be super organised if you work full time with children though and there is a lot of juggling that goes on. But I think you have to do what right for you and your family and that's what's most important. Hats off to anyone who is working ft and a single parent though as that must be tough.

Another FT mum here. I do flexible hours so I do have Mondays off, but work 9.5 hours Tues-Fri... Does that count?

I'm currently 14 wks pg with DC2. DD is 22mo. I haven't really thought about what I will do after maternity leave, it all depends on childcare costs. DH is FT too and I am the higher earner so it makes more sense for me to be FT.

Before I had DD i was certain that I could never be a SAHM but I was so surprised at how much my attitude changed. Now I really would love it if we could afford it, but if we want to live where we do we just can't.

I do take comfort in the fact I'm relatively young so when I worry, friends tell me I have plenty of time to advance my career when my kids are in school, but I'm not so sure...

Starting full-time in November having been p/t freelance for nearly 15 years. Am terrified. I figure running the house takes about 4 hours per day on average (shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc) that's not to mention psychiatric nursing chauffeuring etc. I'll have about 2 hours travelling per day. Any tips for keeping on top of things? Presumably it will involve getting DS (16) and DD (12) to do more ...

My career plans don't extend beyond 3 years as that's the next point in time I will be up for promotion. It's a pretty huge promotion though and I need to demonstrate readiness for it. To get there I need to start the work now.

As for woking FT, you figure out what's important and what isn't. My house is clean not spotless. I paid a fortune for a dyson vacuum stick as it takes too long to use the proper vacuum cleaner. I'm ok with spending $500 on the tool rather than a cleaning lady.

I'm currently on ML with DS2 but due back full time in Nov. I'm feeling guilty because not only will DS2 be 4 months younger than DS1 was when he starts nursery, I was able to go back PT with DS1 but that's not an option now. I'm looking forward to the adult conversation, luxury wees, good coffee. So not looking forward to leaving my boy. But I do like my job, just need to get used to the new status quo.

MI6Agent
Place marking as have been woken by dd who has had a bad dream. I need to get off MN as I have a conference call at 7.30am

With Jethro Gibbs? Q? Carrie Mathison? Jack Ryan? Harry Pearce?

I work FT, we all leave the house at 7.45 and get home at 6pm, five days a week.

From a work perspective I love it, I've been part time (job share) and it didn't work for me, I missed loads when I was off (v fast moving job)

From a home perspective, well dd1 gets home from school at 4.30 and is on her own for 1.5 hours, not ideal as she's only just started secondary school, good job she's a laid back sort of kid really. DD2 goes to breakfast club at school and then CM after school and is permanently knackered bless her, she struggles more than any of us i think. DH works away sometimes and when he's home does longer hours than I do.

Our house is a tip, I can't keep up with the washing, I'm too knackered to do much with the kids at the weekend, I am developing too much of a fondness for wine (I KNOW this doesn't help AT ALL).

School holidays are a nightmare and if one of the children is ill it has to be me to take time off as dh is out of the country... no family near enough to step in at short notice.

Since I started full time work all my "friends" that I had from toddler groups etc seem to have fallen by the wayside - I'm no longer invited on nights out etc, out of sight out of mind I suppose.

It's a good job I like my job and it pays well enough to give us a reasonably comfortable life - coz tbh I am really struggling with the rest of it.

Zone, can you get some help even if a few hours a week? My experience is that the standards for cleanliness lower. But because I am a single parent most of the time, and I am relatively well paid, and my children are very small, I have outsourced most of the household chores during the week. Otherwise, it would be even more difficult. I just see it as a temporary expense for my peace of mind.

IKnow, your post really resonated with me. I love my job and really like being in the office but the rest is stressful. I used to dread weekends but now I have hired babysitters both Safurday and Sunday afternoons so I can have some time for myself and one on one with the children. I posted some time ago about feeling guilty about it, but now I am happy with the decision, it really helps

I think we should all give ourselves a massive pat on the back!!! Everyone is juggling and doing well. Some bits are more rewarding than others, but that's life in general too.
I do think being organised (big diary!) and outsourcing as much of the shit jobs as possible is a good idea. My £20 a week on a cleaner is worth every penny to me. We iron what we can and pay for the rest doing when we can afford it. Having a supportive partner helps if you have one, somebody who sees the house and the chikdcare as 50% their responsibility too.
This is why I have so much admiration for single parents... Amazing!!!
I think it must be really hard working full time if you don't at least enjoy your job. But I do think we have to let go of the 'female guilt' that says we're bad mothers because we're not at home with our offspring. The quality of time with your kids is really the most important part. And good childcare that your trust.
I agree with the poster above who says they're just a rubbish stay at home mum. I am too! I don't do messy play, I find full time with the kids difficult and, dare I say it, boring?! I see them for four hours a day in total (I start really early) and find I'm a better parent in those hours than I would be all day at home with them. I simply need to work... It's just part of who I am. I am slowly learning not to apologise for this... Men and fathers don't apologise for it, or feel a need to justify FT working.

Oly thank you for the thread! I find it inspiring and useful to see how other mums do it.

The quality of time with your kids is really the most important part. And good childcare that your trust.

Definitely.

I know a lot about my son because I have conversations with him and take an interest on his life and the things he likes. He trusts me and feels confident in telling me about his thoughts. This is more important to me than how much time I actually spend with him.

I didn't know much about his homework because he was somewhere I trusted to check it with him and let me know what was going on. It leaves time to spending time together.

Another slightly isolated ft wohm amongst a crowd of pt wohm or sahms. I've now met two other ft wohm. I hadn't realised it was unusual until I got questions like 'oh wouldn't they let you go part-time?' when I said I was going back full-time.

I manage luckily through a cleaner and a student who spends three hours a week cooking food/changing their beds/putting away clothes for my children to eat so I can just bung it in the microwave when we get home and through doing a 7:30 to 4pm working day.

Can I join? Just gone full time after working 4 days a week for the past 9 years. Youngest son now at school so it made sense for me to go FT and be paid for all the additional hours I've been doing over the past 9 years. I think 4 days was disastrous from a work perspective- the stigma of "part time" without my company actually making my previous full time job that I returned to any smaller. Basically Ive been doing a full time job for 9 years for 20% less money so being full time feels good!

I'm very fortunate(?) that I'm able to start and finish early, which has me at work at 7.30 but able to leave in time to do 2 school pickups and be back for 4.30-5.30 the other nights. However it makes for a long day- I'm just finishing the second "shift" about 8.30 pm when DH gets back so I am tired. Children are pleased with the set up and my work are happy but occasionally I feel a bit overwhelmed!

It was Xenia that planted the seed of having a housekeeper/babysitter once your DC start school. I've hired a girl for 2.5 hours the days I am working. She picks the kids up at daycare/school and gets the kids fed, through the bath and starts calm down time. DH was useless so I just took him out of the equation. I would come home at 8pm with 2 kids running around in a frenzy and spend 2 hours getting dd asleep before passing out myself.

I've asked her to come in an hour earlier and get some cleaning done from next week onwards.

I don't feel like I'm missing out at all. I go out with friends once a week as does DH. We try to do date night twice a month. DH travels a lot but does day trips most of the time. We have hired help for days when he isn't able to make home by 6pm.

DH is out of the house by 6am most days and I'm out with the kids at 7:25am. I get to my client at 9am and work until 7pm returning home at 8pm. Luckily I'm just outside of NyC and there is plenty going on at 8pm. It's not too late to grab dinner and drinks with a friend and still be in bed for 10pm.

It's when kids reach school age that the real divisions begin. Whilst private nurseries are geared towards working parents, state schools most definitely are not.

I feel like asking the DfE what the point is of educating girls if the expectation is they'll be reliant on a partner to be the main earner, not necessarily because they want to but because both work and school hours are set up to make it very difficult for both parents to work full time.

Add house prices and commute times into the mix and its nigh on impossible.

After a particularly guilt inducing period recently I was wondering whether we should just move somewhere greener and cheaper and I should give up work. Then two things happened to remind me why I shouldn't:
One, a friend confessed she sometimes had to ask her Dh for money and found it humiliating ( through no fault of his); and
Dp was made redundant.

I'm particularly glad right now I can support dp and dd financially.

I'm so thankful I'm in the US and not in the UK. Here there is a mix of SAHP and those who are working. In DDs class we have everything from a doctor to a train driver as well as parents who have decided to stay home. We could put dd in aftercare only which would mean she is at school from 7:30am - 6pm. That doesn't work well for us and we sign up for the 1 hr before and 1 hr after only. What's awesome is that the school have brought in activity providers. We sign up DD for music, ballet, Spanish and soccer so at weekends we only have logic class and tap.

Stopsto, I went back four days and I think it was disastrous from a career perspective soon. The image of a part-time mother is not a good one as far as many companies are concerned. I also ended up doing extra hours that were unpaid. Working full time is hard but far better from the view of having career prospects/being able to change companies easily

Exactly Oly- I was pigeon holed as "part time" but somehow had to do a full time job in four days. It was worth it (just about) for one day at home a week with both of the children, but I don't miss it now- from a work perspective I'm doing the same job better and being paid more!
I do however spend a lot of this salary increase on a cleaner, ironer and a before and after school nanny. TBH the nanny is what keeps us afloat- I can leave the house at 7 and she gets the kids breakfast and does teeth, lunches, school bag etc and gets them to school. I always found this bit of the day the least rewarding and most stressful so it works. I do 2 pickups and she does the other 3, but I am usually home by about 5.00 on those days. I like spending the evening with the children, but I do feel a bit resentful,about my "second shift"- getting home at 5 means by the time DH gets back I've done dinner, washing, homework, play dates, clubs, and all home admin. He has a long commute and a much more traditional job so isn't at home between 7.30 and 7.30, but I am feeling a bit cross. However, I don't know what the solution is- realistically he can't start doing this when he gets in, and I've been home for a few hours by then (10 minute commute!)
Weekends are spend on quality family time (ferrying 2 sporty children to endless activities). Feels like a treadmill sometimes

Went back to work FT earlier this year when DD was 7 months-didn't really have a choice money - wise . But have enjoyed it and been promoted since going back though have been stressed at times. Childcare is good, DH does an equal share of everything and DD is easygoing and laid back. I worry about a) when she gets older (school holidays, support with homework etc), turns into tantrummy toddler etc and b) we'd like another child, but that would definitely add complicate the current easy arrangements. Feels like it's workable now but don't want to feel stressed /time deprived....

With Jethro Gibbs? Q? Carrie Mathison? Jack Ryan? Harry Pearce?

It was with Harry Pearce lweji he's my secret crush that I don't tell people about

I will post properly on this thread but had a night out yesterday and still quite drunk

Sense the thread could be derailed but definitely agree with Harry Pearce, although Adam was always a favourite before he got blown up.