Anyone fancy a thread for mums who work full-time?

[Oly5]

Hello, just wondered if any other mums work full-time and fancy a bit of a thread?
I adore my kids but enjoy working full-time too. I feel it's a massive taboo to say so. This thread is for people who feel like me, who are struggling to make it work, who wish they could work less. Anyone really!

Just about to start working FT in 2 weeks' time and I feel terrified. I know it is going to work out eventually, but 7-year-old DS really enjoyed me being unemployed for a few months and burst into tears at the news. DH has just got a huge promotion, so he is not going to be able to help more. But I need it for my self-esteem and not to starve to death in old age. (DS offered me £5 a week pocket money as pension if I stay at home now ). It is a job I really want with more money than I asked for. Nice people and pleasant surroundings. Plus there are hardly any jobs where we live. It is a no-brainer to accept, isn't it?

Can I join the thread, please?

I would say it's a no brainier ginger but I am not cut out to be at home all the time. Everything sounds great about this job, if you say no who knows when you may get another opportunity? What is it specifically that your son is worried about? I find that if you can alleviate their fears, children are much more accepting. For example, I try not to talk about work to my kids just in terms of money. I don't want them to think work is something depressing that is only about cash. So I try to show them what I do, how I enjoy it. I try to make work sound positive. Then I make sure I big up all the things we will do on weekends. What does your son like to do? Could you say, look, there'S work and those days are not so bad coz you're mostly at school, then there's all this time at the weekend for fun stuff. Make sure you spend some of your new-found cash on a cleaner!

Ginger - totally no brainer. Your son will adjust, particularly when he sees that he will benefit from it when he has more toys or able to go on short breaks etc. And that mummy is happier!! :)

Good luck. And yes, do get a cleaner.

Thank you Oly5 and NK5BN3 for your advice.

He quite enjoyed all the time we spent together like walking to and from school and activities, which we could never do previously as I worked since he was 7 months old. I genuinely think he just knows he'll see less of me. He wants me to go part-time. There will be less holidays from now on as well, he seems to have clocked that, too.

Today he was more accepting when he found out the office is not far from Toys'r'us.

A cleaner sounds a great idea

Aw, it breaks your heart, like when my son says "mummy can you take me to nursery?"
Once you are in the new job see if there is any way you can structure things so that you can collect him occasionally or take him to school. But big up the weekends massively... Make a chart of the lovely things you can do.
Get a cleaner and/or help with laundry!

Hi, am about to stash my new job tomorrow after being at home for two years. It's in the same field as before I decided to stay at home but in a much bigger scale & I am nervous/excited.

I'll miss my kids so much especially my two year old as we've never been apart for more than a few hours. I've been explaining to him that I'll be working & he keeps saying "No Mummy, stay at home please" :(

I know in the long run it will be worth it but short term I have so many reservations.

Plus it's full time shift work so work/life balance is so hard. DH & I where like passing ships the last time I worked, it could be the sane this time.

Oly Thanks.

LadyMary Good luck.

Hi nrft but I've not long started working ft. Dp is a sahp which makes it easier I think.

I do much prefer it to sahming, I hated that and was useless at it!

But it is quite tiring and I have had to cut down on dcs out of school activities as I don't have the time/energy to be out and about in the car in the evenings and weekends.

I'll have to get used to online shopping too.

Thanks Ginger

Can someone please tell me this gets better! I've worked 4 10 hr shifts this week already. & I haven't seen my kids in two days & won't see them until Saturday morning. I feel like a shitty shitty mum.

I always feel like a shitty Mom and I have not even started yet. Comes with the territory. You can never do enough.

Sending you and . Oh and .

I think everyone feels shitty from
Time to time and like they don't spend any time with their kids. Focus on quality - what do they want to do this weekend? Can you indulge them with a special day out and ice cream somewhere? Create special moments and lots of cuddles

When do you full-timers clean the house? Do you think realistically I clean a room each day after work, or is it a pie in the sky and I should just straight away get a cleaner? We live in a tiny house.... My Mom calls it a doll's house.

Plan on getting a cleaner myself gingercat. Am only back a matter of weeks but just cannot stay on top of it ( house is teeny also, I think it nearly makes it worse!). Also have to start online shopping for groceries as the thought of going to the supermarket tomorrow is horrendous! Am exhausted tonight and willing the train to move faster to get me to collect the kids and get home and get the wine open. And it is definitely take away tonight! Cannot face cooking.

Enjoying my one day off with the kids & DH by doing very little as the kids have the cold. We're all snuggled up on the sofas watching movies :)

Deffo get the cleaner, our house is small too & we can't keep in top of it without a cleaner. It's worth it to have the extra time to ourselves.

I think if you're not at home all day looking at the mess you can lower your standards of cleanliness!

I've never had a cleaner but then I don't mind if the carpets are I hoovered for a month etc.

For me a cleaner is a must, even just a few hours a week. Life is TOO short. I also do online food shopping so weekends are free for fun. Ocado is my personal favourite!

after 10 years working from home am thinking about going back to a new job FT or FTE.

My children are 10 and nearly 13. They will be horrified...

What do you do about childcare for this sort of age group? What's a good arrangement?

I currently walk the 10 year old to school but he could walk himself - he's old enough.

Oh god maybe I'm not ready for this....

Hello! In not sure about childcare for older children. Have you considered an au pair, a part time before and after school nanny, a term time only nanny etc? People are very put off by the cost of nannies but they are not all £12 an hour. Don't let worries about logistics put you off working if it's what you want to do. Things will work out, you just have to be creative. Is there any flexibility in the job, can you start really early and finish early, can you work from home at all, can you do compressed hours? These things might mean you can work full time but still be home quite a lot, at least until you all get used to it. Does your DH have flexibility in his job, even just once a week? You've got to see this as a shared responsibility... Not just your task to sort out childcare for the kids. Good luck

Hello all, thought I would resurrect this thread to see how all are doing in the new year. I am finding it tough going at the moment, really busy in work after year end and trying to stay on top of things with the kids being sick is tough- feel like I am not giving either the family or my job the full commitment. . Had a couple of evenings this week where I just sat down and cried as I feel so hopeless. Have to come up with a plan to change cause otherwise it's not worth it!

Hi all - can I join too please?

About me.... I'm due to start new FT job in a couple of weeks. Role and team sound awesome, salary is finally what I think I'm worth and overall I can't wait to start

However I'm also a bit nervous about the impact bit will have ok us as a family as it means a lot of big changes. DDs are 4 and 18mth. I've been off work for 18mths (maternity plus redundancy) and prior to that my last full time role being office based was over 5 years ago. I'll have some flexibility due to fab flexible-work initiatives and relative seniority but also a 1.5hr each way commute to contend with.

DH will drop down to 3 days per week so will have our girls 2 days and then our parents will cover the rest. I am definitely grateful for the free childcare but I do get awfully frustrated with the way the grandparents do things. I'm also feeling The Guilt (already!) - my DM worked FT whilst I was younger and it's only really now I'm older can I see/feel how it did negatively impact on me and my brother and in my more panic-stricken moments I'm worried I'm just repeating the same cycle....

I haven't particular enjoyed being a temporary SAHM tbh. I know I want to work and really enjoy my funny little niche of a career but I'm worried it's going to be a case of "the grass is always greener" in that I've spent the last year craving a better job and feeling frustrated at home with the kids, and now I'll get the better job and miss essentially doing our own thing and zipping round town going to groups and activities. That is me though, I'm not massively good at just finding positives and taking stock and enjoying what I've got.

GrillPan I'm really interested to know how and why you feel your mum working ft when you were younger impacted negatively on you and your brother? I work ft and have done for past 10 months. My DD is now 21mo and I'm so worried that it's going to affect her in the future. PT isn't an option at my place but I do have some flexibility in that I work from home so pick dd up from nursery at 4.30pm.

I have horrible guilt about not spending a day or two per week with her though. Not helped as all my friends do 4 days or less. Plus we spent 2 weeks with DD at Christmas and she went back to nursery this week and had a huge paddy on Friday morning clinging onto me as I left her. I felt awful! She was fine when I collected her but still the guilt is horrible

This dropped off my list but glad I found it again. So just marking place.

Good luck to all of you considering ft work again. It's fine - very daunting before you get into it, but if you have a supportive partner or family, it will work out and it will be ok. Really.

My parents worked ft when I was growing up (in the 70s) and I think my brother and I both turned out Ok!! We were taken care of by our grandma and then when we were still school, we were dropped off at gran's place before or after school.

jonesey I think my mum has narc traits which probably muddies some of this. But overall I think she was too detached from our day-to-day lives. She really struggles to remember stuff about our school days, which is no biggie in the great scheme of things, but I also don't really associate her with any of my school life. I was quite academic, in top sets etc but got lazy as I got older so would be awful at doing homework and because we had a nanny I could basically blag her and say I didn't have any or that I'd already done it. And mum didn't ever really seem to challenge me or the nanny over it. My brother was just lazy and I didn't do great at school and I'm convinced that he would've done better if he'd had more nurturing at home - he needed prodding and whilst we had some lovely nannies, they can't prod in the same way a mother can - IMVHO.

I also never stuck at much - I'd try different groups or activities for a half term then stop and I often wonder whether I would've felt more motivated to carry on if I knew there was a genuine interest from DM, rather than the nanny dropping me off and picking me up then asking how it was as a kind of rote conversation. But, as I say, perhaps that was just my DM. My parents split up when I was 7 too so I suspect that's had an impact too, in that my overall home/family unit was somewhat fractured.

I am determined to be as involved in my DC's school lives as I can be. I am on the preschool committee, I'll join the PTA, I'll take time off to help with day trips or whatever, and I'm keen to do the school run a couple of times a week, if I can....

I hope I don't make you feel guilty jonesey, I don't think as a rule that working FT is detrimental to children but I'm immersed in a lot of confused emotions from my relationship with DM so this clouds my view on how I feel I'm doing as a parent.

I actually want my girls to grow up in a world where both men and women, mums and dads, both work. I don't think the SAHM role model is necessarily a good one for them to aspire to, and I don't want them to think it's always just women who make career sacrifices or compromises.

Changing the subject, a little rant from me now... My new job will mean I'll be out of the house 7:15am-6:15pm. DH will be out 8ish-5ish which will be when the grandparents have the children. We've been trying to get the grandparents to get their heads around the fact that it will be DH who will be their main point of contact as he'll be home more but MIL simply cannot grasp this and keeps asking me about times and logistics; doesn't matter how many times I say "that will be for you and DH to discuss". I know it's all coming from a good place but I hate the hidden message that they are doing me a favour rather than us as a family. It's not me who needs childcare, it's us. Grrr.

Ps wings apologies for completely missing your post, especially as you're struggling a bit. Is it's just a horribly busy time for you? Did you have time off over Xmas? I'm imagining that it must be tough to get back in the swing of things after a bit if a break, specially if it's all v full on.... Hope this coming week is better for you and you've had a good weekend with your family.

Thanks for replying GrillPan. Oh no don't worry you don't make me feel any more guilty than I do anyway! To be honest I think the issue is more about me and what kind of mother other people think I am for working full time! People just always assume you work part time and I do get some shocked looks from other mothers when I say I work full time. As I say it's just not the norm with my group of friends or with the local mums in my area. DH thinks I'm the one with the issue not other people and he reminds me he also works ft...