Anyone fancy a thread for mums who work full-time?

[Oly5]

Hello, just wondered if any other mums work full-time and fancy a bit of a thread?
I adore my kids but enjoy working full-time too. I feel it's a massive taboo to say so. This thread is for people who feel like me, who are struggling to make it work, who wish they could work less. Anyone really!

Want2 didn't you say you're in big4? That must be incredibly tough - I switched from law firm to in-house and I'm sure as hell not missing it! No idea how I would do my previous job with small kids - current one is demanding, but a bloody spa break in comparison.

Yeah I am. Its hard work but I am in a good department now in terms of busy season. I only have 60 days of craziness! It's more like 45 as the client takes 2 weeks to close their books. My old group was far harder with never ending year ends. At least with SEC clients they all finish up on 12/31!

Although I am ft, I have purposley chosen a speciality which allows me a reasonable work/life balance. (Hospital dr).

Hello. Am in a grump at the moment. Not even hormonal as just had the period. I can't cope with all the extra bullshit that I have to deal with outside of work.
This morning woke up with horror as realised that there was a clash of schedules in a couple of weeks with me travelling across the world for work, ds at a tournament an hour away (which h would usually take him to) and dd invited to a birthday party (which I would ordinarily take her to). I'm sure I can sort something out, ask a friend to take her but somehow all this is my problem. H had no solution.

Tonight having Halloween party at friends. Have been asked to bring some food along. Again not a problem but something for me to figure out and put on shopping list.

H is at a haircut now and even though ds has been at this tennis class for over a year at the same time, H didn't remember what time it was. And managed to book it at the same time
Which has meant that I've had to stay and wait at tennis.

Why???? Why can't he be a grown up and make my life easy the way I make his life easy?!!! Every god damn thing is down to me to allocate, shop, organise.

This morning a made a list of "weekend jobs" everyone got to add to it, and put their name against the Jobs they were going to do. Including shopping and making Halloween treats :)

NK have you ever read 'Wifework'?

NK, surely next time your DH will have to cancel his hair cut appointment, or make up today by making lunch or going shopping?

I've managed to sort out some long standing sewing jobs while the cleaning lady sorts the rest of the house. Bliss.

This is why you need a command center. It forced DH into taking part in getting things done or at least not complaining when I outsource the task.

DH has decided to go for a haircut when DS has soccer and I told him he would have to reschedule as we are already committed per the command center. I'm now 18 weeks pregnant and I'm not running around after DS for his half hour soccer practice.

Just read the OP. Misread 'struggling to make it work' for 'struggling to make it to work' and thought - yeah, that's me! Not that I even get to do the school run (I would love to). But all the morning's tasks seem to take forever.

Sorry for dropping off the thread! DH has now gone off on his trip so I'm alone with the two DC and the dog. We have got an after-school nanny starting for 5 weeks from next Monday so I just need to get through this week! This morning was rubbish - ended up shouting at DD as she was moving so slowly, not listening etc and now I feel terrible. I've apologised to her but still....

Agree with command centre idea. I've got an organised mum life diary, that we write everything down in. DH was even heard complaining that we were too organised because he couldn't just sneak off for a round of golf at the weekend

Happy Monday everyone. May we get through this week with our sanities intact!

Monday started well, DS refused to get dressed, clothes are apparently not acceptable. When i was trying to get ready, DD decided she's hungry RIGHT NOW and when I was trying to feed her, DS jumped all over the bed, which does not help much. Sigh. Luckily I'm in the management so working hours are flexible and nobody has any complaints if I show up later than usual.

That's one thing you always hear about mothers (always mothers, dads can do whatever they want) and working, that you can't have a proper career because of the demands. I disagree - sure, it's demanding and stressful and I always have one eye on the blackberry. But on the other hand, if I need to work from home, I do. If I need a couple of hours to take DC to doctor, I can also fit this into my day. People working in less demanding roles usually don't have this flexibility.

hello,
I'm back. Not read wifework but I do that sort of work and dare I say personal research (that's kind of related to my real work) on this sort of thing. I was pretty much just grumpy though that day and when I had a few hours in the evening to myself (the kids and DH went off to a Halloween party - I cried off as I was coming down with something, and sure enough I've got a pretty bad cold at the moment), I felt a lot more sane.

I think it's the constant relentlessness of things and I need to learn to take a break. It was unbelievably nice to just have 3 hours eating my own food, watching my own movies, and not having to do anything else, in my own home. Often I have to 'go out' to have time to myself but it's nice to do it at home. it's even better dare I say.

I'm quite poorly now, so I'll probably stick around for another couple of hours (I have a couple of meetings I can't cancel) and then might head home to have more lemsip.

Katharina you are right about the higher up jobs having more flexibility. My administrators complain about not being able to 'leave' when they want whereas I can. I guess the flip side is we have the blackberry and all the gadgets on all the time so even when we are 'ill', we can 'keep tabs'!!

happy Monday everyone.

Sorry you're not feeling so great, NK.
It is annoying when you're the 'default parent' who organises everything and thinks about everything. And it's so difficult to avoid becoming one (nothing wrong with families who work like that, of course, it just wouldn't be fair in our case).
On similar vein, the threads on MN abut poor helpless husbands who simply are not able to take care of children always irritate me. So you're saying he has a responsible job, he manages to use a computer, keep the car serviced - but can't figure out how to put socks on baby or dishes in diswasher?

Hi all. Could I join in? (More than) full time lawyer, 1 DC, 2nd arriving imminently. I recognise so much of what you've posted about. I love the Command Center idea!

Don't want to hijack, but I'm struggling with what to do about mat leave and work. I launched a new team/business last year- it's going well and I just got a big new client in. Trouble is the first bit of work I have won will run past my due date. I really, really want to just stay involved and manage the work through the end of the project (so until baby is about 3 weeks) then take some proper leave. I wouldn't go to the office, would be at home and have lots of help (family and paid at home, junior support at the office). Am I nuts? I've been awake all night worrying about it. Can't really hand over to anyone else (and not sure I want to unless it is in the client's best interests - the shark tank of private practice!). Having another ELCS (private) so I'm being closely monitored, date is booked in and all looking good to be a repeat of last time, which was very straightforward and I could have definitely kept my hand in at work if I had wanted to then. I do appreciate there are no guarantees in life. Any thoughts?

ask I don't think you're nuts - I was positively bored with DC2, she slept all the time as a newborn. Is your first in school/childcare? I can easily work with DC2 around, not so much with DC1 though (he's 2).

Thanks! DC1 is 3, has a full time nanny and goes to pre-school 2 days a week. While this work is going on I should have the nanny to help with the baby the 2 days DC1 is in nursery, plus DP on paternity leave plus a selection of (genuinely helpful) family members. My gut tells me it's do-able but then I worry I'm missing something that I have blocked out from when DC1 was a baby!

ask I think if you have the support network then there's no harm in suggesting all this. so when you are in surgery and the couple of days after, the junior staff will take the calls (or you can schedule it such that it's the time they'll take to do the research/back office stuff). schedule your first meetings with the staff say a week after the birth (they come to your house or you Skype). and work out a schedule of meetings/activities that can be done with little input from you except from checking in.

I had a friend who was a lawyer who posted on fb that she had to cancel a court appearance whilst she was in labour. funny - but I guess true. :)

I would suggest though, that you make a Plan B, so just in case something majorly goes wrong...

NK I know exactly how you feel and it took me getting to that stage to make changes at home. I saw myself getting worn down by having to do everything and I wasn't going to accept this. DH, bless him, just doesn't see the amount of work that needs to be done. He is also exhausted from it as am I. DH has slowly realized that his life has changed and he can't go out drinking like he use to. Those parties were great but that time has passed. DH struggles because his buddy is a SAHD who gets away with murder. The breaking point for DH was going out on a Sunday night with his SAHD buddy and being woken up by DS at 5am on Monday morning! It took DH about a week to recover from 4 hours of sleep and his hangover. You need to look after yourself and put yourself first when it comes to your health (emotional as well as physical).

ask I did what you are planning to do. Make sure your hospital has wifi (they all do here in the US) and I stayed in for 5 days post surgery. The first day you will not be available but after that you should be fine. I would see if you can be scheduled for first thing Monday morning (mine was 7am) and, if everything goes to plan, you should be able to answer emails by 9pm.

katharina DH is in a mgmt position and he has so much flexibility. I have excellent flexibility as an auditor in that I can work anywhere. My issue is finding enough time to put the hours in.

I do not miss recording my day in 6 minute increments

Thanks for all the responses and advice. I will go for it, with a clear back up plan in case of a true emergency. SO glad I don't have to explain myself to a judge though!

I get in trouble all the time because I split my time between my clients and book all the time to 'other'. We are supposed to break out our time further into what we worked on. I told the managing partner that I know exactly what the people working under me are doing and they are meeting deadlines. If he wants to keep these star players he needs to let me focus on the important stuff, like getting the work done and look at the report I send him weekly with any overruns. I know when we are over and when we can hit the client up for more $$. He backed off and has never said a word since.

We had a stupid team exercise where we had to come up with superhero names for each other. I excused myself and the Partner interrupted and said I was 'the Momster'. He said he believes I have eyes in the back of my head as I always know what my subordinates are up to even if 3000 miles away and I am the only person to turn him telling me off to him being told off without him realizing it (he was referring to my time entry).

Just read this entire thread and I have to say it's very inspiring and supportive. I work full time as a civil servant so employer is good in terms of flexible working / not crazy hours. I also have it pretty easy with the housework compared to a lot of you as my husband is a SAHD and an excellent cook (ex chef), he's less good with cleaning but our flat is reasonably clean. I do the laundry tho, dunno how I got stuck with that really! I also have a very short 20 min cycle to work. I have a 3.5 year old DS and 14 month old DD. it was so inspiring to read about mums still bf for a long time after working - I bf DS til he was 2 and want to do the same for DD but God I'm TIRED as not managed to crack the night weaning yet. I had managed it with DS by this age so maybe I need to give it another crack. We cosleep, best way to maximise the sleep in my book, plus it does help to ease the guilt about being absent in the day, as I have been since she was 7 months. I think my main problem with working FT is that I don't really want to - my job is fine but it's more that I earn more and DH was setting up a business, plans went aray and I had to go back to work for the dosh. it's not that bad but when I compare myself to friends and colleagues who generally had much longer mat leaves and most work PT I get a bit huffy (hence why it's so nice to read this thread). I think maybe I want to be at home more cos that's society's expectation (as it is for dad to work), I'm not sure I could really handle being home all the time. When I went back to work after DD I changed department for a much more interesting job but annoyingly they have much better mat leave so people could not believe I was back with a baby so young, plus I'm annoyed I couldn't take advantage of it. Grrr.

Sigh the guilt. I'm not feeling guilty for working as such, my mum always did and I've always been very proud of her career. But there are those moments - childminder said that DD was giving her trouble yesterday as she didn't want to eat properly. DS was a total bottle refuser and DD keeps changing her mind - was fine, then refused, then fine again, yesterday apparently not good. And of course not only up half the night and feeding, but I was all teary that I leave my poor baby to starve.. Well, not literally, but still..

bread I'm abroad and went back with both when they were just 3 months old, that's all the leave you get here. In my home country, the leave is 3 years, so everybody there is judging me for going back so early. And everybody here is judging me for working full time..

But they're not offering to pay my mortgage, funny that

I don't feel guilty at all. I love my kids so much but to be the best mother I can be I have to take care of myself and that means working for me. I tried not working and it wasn't for me or my marriage.

People love to judge but honestly walk a mile in my shoes and then judge. I get a lot of 'Oh but your DH earns so much you don't have to work. That is terrible that you work anyway.' It isn't terrible. It is extremely smart. DH is a meal ticket for younger women who don't think twice about hitting on him because they see a man with $$$. If DH did leave me I am not reliant on alimony payments. I have a career that enables me to provide enough for my DC and assets in my name that enable me to house my DC. No one is going to take that away from me. I don't feel guilty at all. In fact I feel empowered that I am doing what is best for my family. (P.S. - Not saying that DH would leave me but I have seen it happen and the poor ex wife is left up the creek with NOTHING plus 3-4 kids to support).

working mum with 2 DDs 12 & 14. Had two 4 month mat leaves. DH stopped work when DDs were 1 & 3 and we moved out of London. His salary equalled what we had been paying for nursery fees x 2, so never felt worse off. 11 years on - we have two happy confident girls who are appreciative of their lifestyle & are definitely planning to have careers. DH happy & involved in community - school governor & cricket groundsman & does some local IT work. However we have no cleaner and house is a complete tip. Now girls are older and pretty self sufficient, I would love DH to look for paid work and or keep the house clean, but am finding it difficult to talk to him about it. I enjoy my job but I do worry about being sole breadwinner when redundancy talk comes round.. Majority of the time I remind myself that girls are happy so all is good.