“Sex is more complicated than you think”

[InSlovakiaTheCapitalOfCourseIsBratislava]

Minor rant, not sure if it’s the right place, but oh my days, the perpetual gotchas of the SRY and embryos starting off female and the whataboutery of intersex (never DSD)
If it wasn’t unladylike I’d hit something

Or catgender, which involves being ridiculously demanding, changing your mind constantly and being attracted to mice and birds (although not in a good way).

@Kate8889 thank you for your perspective, it's very interesting to hear from a woman with Turner Syndrome.

Here in the UK our National Health Service stopped using the term 'intersex' around 20 years ago because it misleadingly implies that sex is a spectrum.

Sadly trans activists resurrected the term because they are so desperate to pretend that sex is 'complicated' and therefore men should be able to get their dicks out in women's changing rooms. A significant number of men who claim they are women also lie about being 'intersex' because they don't understand what the word means.

This has left many women like me in a position where we're a tad suspicious of men who use the term 'intersex'. But obviously that doesn't include you.

If you feel comfortable to talk about your condition, I would really like to hear more about how you found out about it and how it has affected your life. But only if you're happy to share.

Brilliant!

Sure! I was diagnosed at 4 years old and it's affected my learning to drive (was more difficult than for the average person) and I am very short and will never have biological children.

I never went through puberty until I was given HRT at 17 which was isolating because it's generally a pretty universal experience.

I am happy to answer any questions you have! I am an open book on this topic.

I don't have any particular questions, but I admire you for being open. Talking to a bunch of strangers about your life could be a difficult thing to manage, so my hat is off to you.

(And anything you feel like sharing I'd be interested to hear/read, because knowing things is better than blundering about and possibly causing hurt or offence by accident.)

One doesn't identify as Farrow and Ball elephant breath. One simply is Farrow and Ball elephant breath.

Thank you Kate8889, and I'm glad you stuck around for posters to dispel the idea that you're not welcome here, or that you're not accepted as a woman.
It was just the use of the word 'intersex' instead of DSD which was questioned, for reasons that have been explained.
You're definitely welcome!

One thing that I really appreciated about moving out of my country of birth (Russia) is that I was not treated like I was sick or frail or an invalid anymore.

It was SUCH a breath of fresh air to be able to go to gym class and not have my condition mentioned at all to the point where I felt almost normal.

In Russia there was a big emphasis on protecting me and making sure I didn't hurt myself to the point where I didn't feel capable or strong. People there still give up their seat a lot of times when they see me on a bus/subway which I LOATHE but I try to not take it out on them because they mean well.

So it's a good idea to ask you rather than assume if you might want help or special treatment? I mean, I'm assuming you're not fragile or likely to break bones more readily than, say, I would, so it amounts to just treating you the way I'd treat everyone else?

Yes, or just let me go about my day would be great too (if you're thinking of offering help when you see me out and about)

I probably wouldn't offer help if not asked, unless I saw someone absolutely struggling with something and I could do a very simple thing like hold a door open while they manoeuvred a huge box through it or something of the sort, but it's reassuring to feel that I am not being a pita by being that way! Thank you.

I almost spat my drink out. I mean, this is exactly what they sound like. It’s absurd.

Was it in a Pratchett book that there was a contingency of dwarves and both sexes had facial hair etc, and the initial stages of courtship were basically trying to figure out what sex each other was?

Yup, that was Pterry.

That is very generous of you Kate

@Kate8889 I was never able to have children either (but it was endometriosis in my case). You sound incredibly brave. How did you cope with not going through puberty till so late?

Like most things, sex can be complicated and nuanced in the case of rare DSDs. There are a small number of people whose sex is not reflected in their bodily development and an even smaller number for whom their sex is truly difficult to define.

We should have compassion and empathy for these people, who had no choice about being born with a medical condition affecting their development. It is still stigmatised and there are still serious human rights abuses inflicted on people with DSDs, such as the irreversible removal of erogenous genital tissue to normalise appearance before an age at which they can consent.

None of this has anything to do with men claiming to be women, or means that such men deserve access to female facilities and services. The abuse and appropriation of DSD conditions by men who developed entirely normally is infuriating.

I read a lot of books and focused on school, tried to excel in one area I was able to make headway in. Maybe escaping into stories wasn't healthy but it made things more tolerable.

Reading is extremely healthy! Cultivating imagination is surely one of the very best things to do (and you may end up like Terry Pratchett, bursting with ideas that make a lot of people happy). I'm really glad there was something for you to excel at.

I am not sure if this link works as it looks odd but YT LGB Alliance 2022 Conference - Social Media - How did we get here, explains a lot of this.

• Blurgender: Also called gender fuss, blurgender means having more than one gender identities that blur into each other so that no particular type of gender identity is clear

Surely blurgender is someone who was firmly on the Blur and not the Oasis side of the great 90s Britpop divide.

If HR tell you off for misgendering, tell them one person’s misgendering is another person’s correctly sexing. I’m very good at correctly sexing, or so I’ve been told.

There are two sexes, and as many genders as you can dream up, seeing as gender is completely abstract, a bunch of made up stuff based on social norms and stereotypes. Gender is a social construct. Sex is biology, and can be tested for and proved, even if you have chromosomal differences.

So THAT'S why it's never Dave from accounts that MN husbands are constantly texting/meeting to go to the gym/joining for late work meetings.

As others have said, your experience and input is very welcome, you have insight that most just don’t have. Thank you for your openness and honesty.