Today I discovered that Hinge can delete your account if as a straight male you complain about males appearing in your dating queue…

[SingleSexSpacesInSchools]

I only discovered this after having made two reports, and it’s Sunday, so I suppose I’ll find out tomorrow if they are going to follow through.

• [This paragraph has been removed at the OP's request]

I'm sure someone will be along in a minute and ask why it has to be a thing in a relationship at all but given the case I’m following through it sort of has to be out there!

At least this time he isn't butchering the German language to do so.

I think you may be confusing the OP with someone else?

I would welcome seeing that on a profile but, as with others here, agree that a simple GC should be just as effective at warding off TRAs and less open to misinterpretation. Good luck finding a nice terf.

Well well. This blew up.

I am certain nobody knows who I am and any threat to unmask me is an empty threat. It’s also one that would be even more illegal than usual.

anyway. The point I was trying to make is one about actual choice and sexuality. I don’t have any issues with trans identifying males being on Hinge, not even them saying they should be in the female section, my problem is Hinge and all the others make it impossible to say you are (in my example) attracted to the female sex not the “woman” gender.

as for the other speculations and judgements, I think I they reveal far far more about the authors than they do about me!!

feedback on that little paragraph is useful though, in one case it’s worked just as intended, and a date I was looking forward to (small aside, a dog walking date and “getting your end away” do not go hand in hand. If you just want to get laid there are far quicker ways, and apps for that matter like Feeld) - is probably off the cards now. But better to know in advance if a possible date genuinely thinks women shouldn’t be allowed to say no to men - that’s genuinely how I see it post court case!

on the off chance anyone saw any real information. Please PM me

Not sure this is an entirely fair characterisation of the OP from Lexi (an ex-con who has no respect for anyone who is poor and law-abiding).

You’re in Brighton aren’t you so I would say - good on you for adding that extra bit to filter out the non critical thinking omnicause set which Brighten is full of.

As for Hinge deleting your account for stating your preference that as a single heterosexual man you don’t want to date men 🙄 as a dating app they need to get the basics right and understand the meaning of heterosexual!!

Aa a woman who has been in the most vulnerable legal position any woman can arguably be, I think I'm pretty well positioned to speak about male character.

But notably, not my character.

I've followed your threads and I think you've been really tenacious about advocating for girls in your dc's school. I admire that.

I wish you all the best in your dating endeavour so I'm saying this to be helpful - the comment is too much as it will put off "ordinary" women who are sex realist by default but not politically minded. I think that's the silent majority of women, maybe less so in Brighton but certainly in the UK at large. I'm thinking of my mum friends or my lovely SIL.

I've seen suggested on similar threads to have a coded thing like a Robert Galbraith novel on your shelf behind you. That will put off the True Believers but won't put off Ms Ordinary.

This is unless you are specifically looking for someone politically minded who will campaign with you. In which case maybe you'd be better joining a political group to find a partner rather than Hinge.

Maybe sometimes it’s better to stick to the subject of the post rather than character assassination of the poster.

I mean I recognise the type being described, obviously, but discussing whether OP is or isn’t, it probably isn’t relevant to the post.

Play the ball not the player might be the phrase.

Thank you. Honestly I didn't think at first I needed advice on that paragraph, but it turns out I really do and who better to do it than actual women rather than me, a man - so genuinely thank you.

it's 225 characters limited, so any suggestions to fill it :D

I don't want to say "massive campaigning TERF" as this really does not fill my life, just fills my posts here. In the real world it's not a day to day battle ground. But, it is there.

Hi OP, you have done sterling work to protect your daughter and force bloody Brighton to start protecting women's and girls rights. Thank you. I think you may have outed yourself as a search for the text you have posted above may be searchable on Hinge. I don't know if you care as a lot of your posts have been very specific. I agree with others that the word 'sex' is ambiguous in your statement. Sadly there is a type of man who performs being a 'feminist' while actually still being a misogynist. He sees women as a 'cause' not as individual people. I'm not saying at all that this is who you are but that's why feminist statements from men sound alarm bells for some women. I don't know the solution to your dilemma. Very few people in my life know my gender critical beliefs and it's not something I feel it's necessary to share. Even my husband, while being largely sympathetic, doesn't understand the depth of the problem if you erase what the word woman means in society.. I think if I were looking for a relationship I wouldn't bring up the issue at all for a while then perhaps mention that you are trying to get your daughter's school to ensure boys can't use the girl's changing rooms because your daughter has been distressed when that happened. This is a Dad defending his daughter, not a wider cultural crusade and may be more palatable to a 'be kind' woman. Remember, a lot of people have swallowed the 'be kind' 'it's the new gay rights' line without really thinking about it. So someone may start from that point and then become very terfy once they realise what the slogans actually mean. It's not intrinsically bad to support 'trans rights'. It just means that you haven't thought very much about what it means for women. Good luck in your quest for a lovely date. I hope it goes well.

Reading this thread, has made me think how lucky I am, having been married to a lovely woman for thirty five years and all without using a dating app.
Have people stopped socialising, meeting people in real life situations?

Thank you. That was my plan actually, I tried that in the last relationship then when the court case came out, it all blew up in a few days. but, yes, I did think that was the best plan.

ThinkI will get Mumsnet to change the post...

Yes I found those character assassination of the OP posts very unHinged. What’s going on?

@SingleSexSpacesInSchools I’ve been following your campaign with some skin in the game myself and really really admire your tenacity and hard work. Thank you so much for speaking up so loudly on behalf of all girls in Brighton.

Honestly I find it hard to sympathise with a man annoyed that trans women show up in his dating suggestions when, any bi or lesbian woman can confirm, plenty of cis men show up in your dating suggestions if you are a woman only looking for women. And plenty of cis men have tried to convince gay women that they don't know their own sexual preferences. So if women can't say "I'm not into men" and be left alone, then ya know 🤷

I don't think the concern about women's rights is men's rights to women. Women should be entitled to women only spaces for themselves. Not because men want access to only women.

But yeah dating sites should have an option for dating only cis, just as it does for dating only women and you should be able to report a user for mis identifying their sex and gender.

My suggestion would be don't have any political ideas in writing at all, and I say this as a fairly politically-minded woman myself. If you've got an extra paragraph to fill, put more hobbies and interests. If I were on the apps, I'd be looking out to avoid any wokiness but I'd also avoid any man saying he'd like to "discuss women's rights" as you have done, I know I'm paraphrasing, but I'd be afraid you'd be a bore and looking to "educate" me.

Green flags for me would be hobbies related to science or animals or even farming as I'd imagine those people are more grounded in reality.

If I saw someone wrote "I love crime thrillers such as Robert Galbraith" I'd be happy because I've read them all and you couldn't be a TRA either, but you might just be an ordinary fan.

Just don't imply you're hoping to lecture your date, every woman hates that. I'm not saying you do want to lecture her, but that's what your current paragraph means

Having seen some, not all, of the deleted posts, it does seem as if a man wanting to safeguard his daughter from having to undress in front of teenage boys claiming to be girls, attracts a lot of fury from men over keen on the idea. There was a lot of sneering and implications of bad faith (similar to several posts still standing from a different poster).

Advanced search is always useful to check whether these are new to Mumsnet / likely PB posters and MNHQ are evidently very quick to get rid of them judging by their response on here.

I find it hard to sympathise with anyone who uses the term cis.

OP I think you're being too wordy and it's confusing. There are plenty of women who are going to be thinking that when you say 'sex matters' that you're talking about having sex. The paragraph sounds like you want a good discussion about having sex and that you expect there to be some disagreement (perhaps down to your dodgy kinks) but you hope they will be open and curious towards them.

I agree with being more straightforward ie just saying GC or sex realist - unless that sort of thing gets you banned? Or you're a fan of JKR perhaps.

That's a whole lot of whataboutery, I don't think the OP can be held accountable for any of it. No such thing as cis by the way.

Im sure OP won’t want a 2nd campaign but surely having an account deleted for wanting to specify sexual orientation will be Discrimination under the Equality Act?

ETA Its the converse of that gay wedding cake case from years ago?

He doesnt want to specify sexual orientation. He doesn't want trans women to show up in his matches. He doesn't want to cut out anyone bisexual for instance.

“Cis” is a highly contested and imo offensive term so please don’t be campaigning for that label. If Ive to respect other people’s identities then they can jolly well respect my dislike of “cis”. Fair’s fair.

Oh thats interesting. I’ll need to think about this. Im not in the dating market but I’d probably tend to be wary of bisexual people just because of the bridge effect/increased risk of HIV. Is that not a thing now? Or is that another thing we are not allowed to mention?

That’s not the impression I got. I think that OP wants to filter out anyone who is in the TWAW camp as it’s unlikely they would be compatible.