How to respond he/she?

[Manchesteruser]

Out with friends. One friend's son has a TIM friend. Obviously male but fake boobs and wearing a dress, about 25. Everyone refers to him 'as she'. I asked one, 'why do you refer to him as 'her/she' rather than 'he' and was told that that was what he prefers.

How would you have responded?

I must be missing something, but I can't figure out how anyone would be referred to as he or she in company with that person. Surely you would name them as you address them, or are people breaking off and saying things about the person, thus the "she" reference?

If I am missing a point here, could someone give me an example of this.

Fuck me, that was a quick deletion. I’d barely finished reading it. Someone’s got their fingers on the report button.

As for incorrect pronouns, “I’d rather be rude than a fucking liar”.

Happens all the time.

3 people present - Jane, Barry, Anne.

Jane: Barry, did Anne tell you she's got a new job?
or
Jane: Barry, did Anne tell you about her new job?

Abusing?! If you think calling a man 'he' is abuse, you've led an extremely privileged, charmed life.

Or "Barry, did you hear about Anne's new job?" Anne, tell Barry about your new job.

Look I'm probably nit picking, and I know it can happen as you described, but still, it's avoidable if someone doesn't want to use "she". Just have to think it through first!

It's avoidable, mostly, though not always easy. But that still requires policing your own language rather than saying what comes naturally to you. "Think it through first" isn't how conversation goes, really, and it shouldn't have to. It's an increase in mental load and in my case often leads to me not bothering to say anything.

…which is exactly what is wanted. Join in the affirmation or shut up.

Yep.

I too would rather be rude than a fucking liar.

Isn’t a man wearing fake boobs and wanting to be called ‘she’ being just a little bit rude to women?

Most women wouldn't find it "rude" but most women aren't terribly fragile creatures who can't possibly spend the evening being basically civil to a trans person.

Why do you think it's 'civil' to lie about what sex someone is?

There are only males and females. Males are "he" and females are "she". It's really easy. "trans" is an ideology, so therefore not real, just a belief system thst anyone can choose not to believe in.

Nope. I'm a working-class cis woman living on carer's allowance who objects to people being transphobic, hi there. We are legion.

By the persons name since you obviously have a issue with it anyway?!
I hate being referred to as she or her ....I have a name.

I would mostly avoid pronouns and if necessary use "they/them" for the friend.

Your friends probably feel a bit daft using "she" for someone they know perfectly well is a bloke but don't want to offend their son (or indeed the friend). You're at one remove so you can go one step away from the nonsense.

Let civility swop sides in this case.

Privilege comes in many forms.
Calling correct-sex wording abusive is pretty offensive.

It's also an utterly absurd position. Stating basic facts that were absolutely uncontroversial until 5 minutes ago 'abusive'? It's straight out of 1984.

Cos you are the only person here ever to have lived with someone trans.

The comparison with being gay is deeply offensive for many reasons which have been documented here many times. Not least to gay people. The Tavistock had so many gay kids it became an internal sick running joke about 'transing away the gay'.

You are homophobic and tone deaf. Well done.

If you think referencing sex is offensive, I'm sorry but you need to be prosecuting all biologists, all feminists, all doctors, anyone who has ever had a biological child through sex...

...or it could be you spouting utter guff to uphold disturbing and potentially dangerous delusions in someone who has avoidant type behaviour which is just about the worst thing you can do because eventually it WILL catch up with them and there will be a point where sex matters and they won't be able to avoid it and they will have a meltdown over it.

When even the SC are saying that failure to acknowledge sex whilst screaming transphobia is a form of homophobia in certain situations, you aren't on a winner.

I’d just call them by their name.

I suggest you go and read detrans Reddit to see the pain that this ridiculous ideology is causing people. Poster after poster realising they were lied to and mourning the very real damage that has been done to their bodies.