Daughter in early 20s lonely due to GC views

[Currentquandry]

My daughter is in her early twenties. She is GC and is struggling because so few of her peers have similar opinions. She is very lonely because of this. Are there any online groups she could join to give her a sense of community? She is also ND. Thank you in advance for your advice…

Most people, rightly or wrongly, keep their mouth shut if they think their GC views will affect them negatively, whether socially or at work etc. Sad, but true I think.
Would groups for ND people work?

Nobody likes anyone who is fixated on a subject to the detriment of all other conversation. It doesnt matter if they agree with you or not.

There should be so much else going on for a young woman in her 20s that her views on this sole topic shouldn't be holding her back. It isnt even something that should be coming up regularly in conversation.

As a family, why not shut down all discussion of this topic. You all know how each of you feels about it. There isnt anything left to discuss. Instead work on developing other aspects of your personality and find other things to speak about. Get a hobby.

I agree with @GlovedhandsCecilia. Find groups that are based on activities - sport or board games maybe. Or volunteering. Perhaps with a range of age groups? I know what some of my friends think about this issue but in most cases it’s a long time since it came up. You can hold views without having to talk about them.

How often are trans issues really coming up? I'm GC and friends with people who aren't, it's come up maybe once.

Most people are also not as taken with TWAW as the media would like you to believe. Once you scratch the surface with a few hints, and they feel safe that they're not going to be shunned for being a transphobic bigot, you'll often discover that their actual views also lean towards GC.

I am horrified by the idea of telling someone to shut down all discussion of this topic!

That is absolutely not the way to solve the current challenges facing women because of this bizarre ideology that most people don't believe in but have had forced onto us.

Encourage discussion amongst your family where it is safe for her to talk about it, where she can express how she feels without fear, especially if she's having to hide her feelings elsewhere (like so many women do if they even just want to stay employed!)

At the same time, do encourage her to get involved with perhaps other interest groups so that she can make friends where this topic is unlikely to even come up. I have found that being involved in an activity is often enough to get some other basis for friendships to grow, regardless of other people's views about this.

I think that if your fixation on a topic is driving people away from you, it's healthier for you to try and find other things to think about and develop other interests.

I’m in my 20s and no part of the TRA brigade but I’m not lonely. How often is she talking about this with her friends?

Nobody said she was fixated or unhealthy!!! As women, women’s rights are fundamental to who we are. Your daughter sounds amazing OP – it’s so hard at that age (and older!) not to follow the herd. And I can see why she might find it hard to trust people who are prepared to distort her identity for a trend.

That said, a lot of my adult friendships are built on shared interests such as volunteering, sport, my work and church (there were lots of young women in a local church I joined and I felt more able to be myself with them than elsewhere). I think I see GC as something I don’t always need to discuss with others unless it comes up, but when it does I am ready to support people (often women) who have needed it. And I talk about it regularly with my family and on here – it sounds as if she’s able to do that with you. Others who know more than me might also be able to suggest joining the WRN or a relevant SEEN network. Being in your twenties can be quite challenging for friendships anyway, as you move on from the structures of education etc but I often think it’s good to take your time and find the right friends, even if that can feel difficult at times. Good luck to her.

The OP has said that her views are isolating her from her peers. She seems lonely, depressed and obsessed with gender ideology. It isnt normal or healthy. It isnt how the majority of GC people are living. She should be able to interact about other things than trans related issues. She needs some sort of psychological support.

It sounds like she or you are blaming something irrelevant for her loneliness. People aren't lonely because they hold particular views - in many cases it can actually be a great way to meet like minded people. If she is lonely then it runs deeper than her views. Autistic people do tend to struggle socially so maybe it's more related to the difficulties she faces there. Is she working? What are her hobbies and interests? Does she chat to people on line?

A friend of my daughter got forced out of a friendship group (not one my daughter was in) at school for refusing to put pronouns in her social media profiles. She wasn't talking about it all the time, that's all it took, not complying with demands to fall fully into line.

It's not necessarily the OP's DD who's bringing up the topic. Given her age there could be constant rainbow stuff going on with her peers.

I am GC and know lots of people who have different views to me. I choose who I discuss it with. On the whole, if I think someone will be unwilling to hear me out and just label me a TERF, I won’t bring it up at all.

It isnt normal or healthy. It isnt how the majority of GC people are living

How long ago is it that you have been in your early 20s?

Maybe she could just not talk about it? Bizarre it’s causing issues unless she is bringing it up all the time. Why doesnt she do some hobbies / activities so that is the focus.

You seem to be obsessed with the idea that she is obsessed!

@GlovedhandsCecilia

I have children at 21 (4th year uni) and 18 (starting uni in September) and I can see how someone can be isolated for holding GC views in this age group without banging on about it all the time.

Some people have no fucking idea what is going on in that age group.

Really not that long ago..additionally, my culture is pretty much universally GC.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1DzutftypB/

Quite.

Full-scale trans ideology is militant and evangelical in the extreme. Not to mention totally insane. And the OP's DD is in the cohort who are the most captured.

You're not allowed to dissent - anything less than total affirmation is seen as bigotry - and they have no compunction about instantly labelling you a TERF, etc.

No, you only have an idea what happens in your own homogeneous bubble and don't realise that the rest of us aren't dealing with the same shit.

Yes among white, middle and upper class young people, this whole trans stuff is a major part of their lives irrespective of their views. Other demographics of young people have other concerns and priorities and even if they do have fixed views, it doesn't dominate their entire personality so much so that their peers can't stand to be around them.

I'm GC but it doesn't come up day to day. I have friends with NB and trans children with whom I get on well. I know a couple of middle aged women in the pink hair/ allies Brigade. I tend to think of them as I do of someone right wing or pro brexit as not a view I share so we don't discuss it but I don't try and challenge them.

This is just normal social interaction where not everyone shares same views but we can still get on. My best friends are similar to me in some but not all views.

Your dd just needs to make new friends. What is she interested in? Perhaps you can suggest something she could do to make friends. Tell her not to air controversial views until she is certain it won't offend.

I'm early 20s and I haven't found this. Yes, some people my age are militant TRAs, but a lot aren't.

I’m so sorry OP that your daughter feels unable to just be herself and to chat about things that others are determined to ostracise her for. Her views are valid and no one should shun her for them.

Maybe she could find groups with common interests such as hobbies that are structured and focused on an activity rather than just conversation.