Daughter in early 20s lonely due to GC views

[Currentquandry]

My daughter is in her early twenties. She is GC and is struggling because so few of her peers have similar opinions. She is very lonely because of this. Are there any online groups she could join to give her a sense of community? She is also ND. Thank you in advance for your advice…

Look @GlovedhandsCecilia this is all it takes to ruin it for OP's daughter. One AidaP to focus on her and there will be very few in that age group with the backbone to stand up for her.

Yes, this is a very clear example of exactly why having differing views, even if you only mention in passing, can cause isolation. You get called all sorts of things for just having the belief. Do you now see the issue playing out, Cecilia?

Ruin what?

...no

Does that user know the OP's daughter?

Do you?

Friendships

No i have no idea why people are telling ne to read their posts.

How?

This advice might work with a regular situation but not for someone neurodivergent (ND).

In the same way that lots of trans people are ND and therefore hyper focused on tgat topic, so too are many ND people/kids on the GC side.

Good luck telling someone to stop being hyper focused and “get a hobby”. That is their hobby and they have little control about giving it up 🤣

You are calling a ND young person struggling with loneliness names and laughing

what is actually wrong with you?

@Currentquandry

I'm sorry that your thread has been commandeered by a pile on, including by an agressive man who freely expresses violent threats against women and laughs at their upset.

I am sorry for your daughter, finding herself at that age trying to navigate a world where young people are told they have to believe things that cannot be true - that men can magically turn into women if they say they are - just to fit in. She will be surrounded by peers who are ill-informed, or just too frightened, to stand up to this particularly pernicious social contagion. It is even more difficult to live a lie if you are ND.

It might help people give advice if you could say, with no identifying details of course, where she is in life. Work? University? Does she have any specific areas of interest?

AidaP is the trans identifying man who posted various comments on Bluesky, including,
"...And let's send a clear message to the world: fuck bigots and especially nazirowling with a splintery rolling pin."

That is what is wrong with him.

And i agree with *Igneococcus

perfect example of the type of bullying behaviour that would mean that a young person could be kept out of social groups by saying just one thing

OP hasn’t even said what her daughter thinks for goodness sake

That explains a lot!

ooohhhhh i get what people mean when they say reverse ferret

this is an example of it……gotcha

Whereas views forced upon you by your peer group upon threat of ostracisation are just totally grande.

Any ND person will be helped by learning to vary their discussion points.

Particularly pernicious social contagion?

Wow. I had no idea mumsnet was so transphobic.

I’m not particularly evangelical one way or another ( completely agree with the latest rules on banning trans people from sport etc ) but this all seems a bit aggressive to me.

the majority of young people are fairly welcoming to trans people. If the OP’s daughter wants to fit in she might want to consider that.

oh, and ‘ be kind ‘ is always good advice…

be kind is often terrible advice. Used coercively too.

I have no idea what my friends views are on this as it’s not something we talk about. Is she talking about it a lot?

Most young people will swerve them though. People with similar views are friends. It’s how people gel. So you either find your tribe or you are lonely. Being vocal about anything that’s controversial polarises people. So you either learn to keep quiet (difficult if you feel strongly) or find similar minded friends. My DDs would chat with anyone but their friends are like them. So they accept people but not as close friends.

Sigh.

Ok then. Be unkind if you want. See where it gets you.

you catch more flies with sugar than vinegar as they say.

Apropos of nothing in particular, Victoria Smith (author of “Hags”) has a brilliant book called “Unkind” about the weaponisation of “be kind,” and how it is predominantly used to silence women.

If they'd been "unkind" in the Olympics there wouldn't have been the horrible spectacle of male boxers hitting female boxers in the face.

Having #bekind as a default has served women very badly in resisting gender ideology.