Daughter in early 20s lonely due to GC views

[Currentquandry]

My daughter is in her early twenties. She is GC and is struggling because so few of her peers have similar opinions. She is very lonely because of this. Are there any online groups she could join to give her a sense of community? She is also ND. Thank you in advance for your advice…

Changing your views in order to fit in with a certain peer group is the opposite to the advice most people give their teen and young adult children isn’t it? I would never advise my children to change their views. (If I thought their views were abhorrent, I would tell them so).

@IggyPopsPlasticTrousers do you think @AidaP is ‘being kind’ when he calls for ‘corrective rape’ of GC women. He’s on the thread so perhaps you could tell him to be kinder?

"Be kind" - let this boy into your girl's sports team or he will feel sad. Don't worry about the girl who therefore loses her place, cos be kind.

"Be kind" - let men who identify as woman onto your female hospital ward (where you are undressed and vulnerable) because that's where they want to go. Don't worry about the woman who is distraught because this is bringing back her experience of MVAWG, cos be kind.

"Be kind" - agree that the words "woman" and "female" can include men/males who want to identify into your sex class. Don't worry about no longer being able to be identified or defined or organised as a sex class for the needs of females, because... well, just BE KIND!

That’s fine until Waynetta goes into the women’s loos with them, or the group are talking about Waynetta in Waynetta’s absence and the GC young person refers to Waynetta as ‘he’.

You honestly can’t see how problems arise? Is the young person in question supposed to just accept Waynetta transgressing boundaries and change their language to validate Waynetta?

There are a couple of other threads on mumsnet atm complaining that people seem to lack consideration for each other. The general consensus is that people are becoming ruder and less tolerant.

I fail to see how not being kind helps with that.

I’ve seen some pretty vicious vitriol from both sides of the trans debate - including on this thread.

im sure it’s possible to be GC without being unpleasant. That would be my advice to the OP’s daughter.

If the OP’s child is coming across people like Aida who make statements like "...And let's send a clear message to the world: fuck bigots and especially nazirowling with a splintery rolling pin.", there is a valid reason for any girl or woman to be concerned about having a dissenting opinion* to *Aida. I don’t think I agree with Aida parenting advice considering how Aida behaves.

I should have been clearer in my opening post—apologies for the lack of clarity and details.

My daughter is in her last year of university. She doesn’t talk about her GC views except at home or in very rare circumstances. But she recently liked a video on social media (not a particularly controversial one but linked to women’s rights/trans issues) and that was enough for two longstanding friends to condemn her. My daughter is happy to “agree to disagree” with people and discuss thoughts but that is not always an option as PP have correctly highlighted.

My daughter is autistic but masks well and has excellent people skills. However her anxiety is severe and so getting out to meet people doing a hobby is challenging for her. And she currently has little time because of university work. I thought that joining a women’s rights/feminist group of some kind might make her feel more connected and supported in an area where she can feel very alone.

She really isn’t fixated on this and is so far from being “repellant” that the comment made me smile—if you could meet her you would understand :)

I will look into the groups suggested, thanks so much for those. When she finishes university I hope to see her develop confidence and more friends off line but for the forthcoming months it isn’t realistic.

im sure it’s possible to be GC without being unpleasant. That would be my advice to the OP’s daughter

what if she is being ‘GC’ without being unpleasant and then someone like aida calls her a rabid transphobe anyway

This is my approach, especially with my 20 something DC and their partners.
As DH says, "I often disagree with people but don't feel the need to tell them".

@Currentquandry , if she’s at uni, and not at the uni I mentioned above, she could try contacting the group I mentioned - they would surely know of other similar groups in other universities.

current

thank you for clarifying, so sorry your daughter is struggling

maybe people should be kind to her…only seems to go one way

I haven’t seen that comment.

‘Fuck nazis ‘ seems pretty unproblematic.

and I have no love for Rowling, though that’s more because of her crimes against literature than her GC views.

You are right
But for many people on this board it does seem to br their whole world

Post by @aidap.bsky.social — Bluesky

This is the post they claim says so. Strong rhetoric's are only ok when they are aimed at trans, our families and kids, obviously 😂. When it's flung at transphobes, it automatically becomes crime against humanity.

Perhaps you missed it when it was quoted earlier on this thread. AidaP states:

"...And let's send a clear message to the world: fuck bigots and especially nazirowling with a splintery rolling pin."

I don’t see anything about corrective rape.

did you really say that??

Sometimes you don't share core values with people and you're best apart. Your daughter might not feel so strongly but the issue, but they obviously do. Probably to their own detriment.

Many SM sites make it so other people can't see what you've reacted to unless it is their post. It's usually a function in the privacy settings. I've turned mine off for related reasons (mostly brigading).

Thank you so much. I will pass this on. And thanks to the posters who answered my question with compassion and understanding.

No, trans people have not been "banned from sport".
They've been told to participate in the correct birth sex category.
If that's what you agree with, you're as "transphobic" as most people on here.
Not very kind, are you?

Of course not, but that's the words they are twisting into whatever fits transphobic narrative, why would truth matter?

Don’t be silly. You knew what I meant.

I accept they haven’t been banned from sport, exactly as you say.

Actually, ‘be kind’ as a blanket statement is not always good advice.

I'd just stay quiet on Waynetta and go to the toilets alone.

In fact, here's the screenshot.

Aida disappeared quickly off the thread it was originally posted on to have a foot stamping tantrum on Bluesky and Twitter because he was called out for it.

For all the 'be kind' 'both sides are as bad as each other's - you might find 'fuck nazis' unproblematic but what about the rest? (Which you neatly sidestepped)

Yes, the girls who started the Cambridge Uni Society of Women were shunned by their peers simply because it was known that they were GC (e.g. someone spotted that one of them had a GC book in her room, and told loads of people)

genderblog.net/cambridge-students-launch-single-sex-society-for-women/