Daughter in early 20s lonely due to GC views

[Currentquandry]

My daughter is in her early twenties. She is GC and is struggling because so few of her peers have similar opinions. She is very lonely because of this. Are there any online groups she could join to give her a sense of community? She is also ND. Thank you in advance for your advice…

@Currentquandry, if your daughter is uni-aged, she may be able to find actual women’s groups at whatever your closest uni is (even if she’s not at uni). I say may - she will need to check carefully. I’m thinking of the Cambridge-based Society of Women, which is staunchly GC; others seem to be popping up more and more at other unis. They hold events that are open to the public.

So the trans activists gets to spout their views but everyone else has to shut up? Wow! Or maybe the transactivist should not raise the topic?

I dont have a bias. The OP has said her daughter is very lonely. That is likely because people don't want to be around her. It isn't rocket science.

Sports is the best way to make friends. And while she shouldn’t shout about her GC views, she will find like minded friends there.

A lot of ND young adults don't have the social skills to "change the topic to something less divisive". Think about how many women on here ask "there's a TIM at work, how do I approach pronouns". And those are older women with probably no ND.
But even more than that, it's not just "Hey do you want to go on this march with us" "no thanks" but "oh this is Waynetta [enter obvious bloke] and her pronouns are she/her" and the DD will stumble in all of the following conversation even if she doesn't bring up her views.

Id say the same to anyone who is so entrenched in a subject that it drives people away from them, even those who agree with them. It isnt about what your views are, it is about the intensity and frequency of your discussion of the topic. That is what people find intolerable.

So DD says "Hi Waynetta" and then talks about the new Beyonce album or the price of olive oil.

THIS. The smallest comment could lead to social exclusion especially within this age group who are generally very anti GC, JKR is a bigot, cancel culture etc.

You wouldn't need to be banging on about it or obsessive- a comment here or there would label you do good.

I'm sure the OP realises that getting a hobby etc would be of benefit to her DF. Ditto keeping her mouth shut. But are we talking about how to make friends or a different problem ie how uncomfortable it must be to effectively live a lie in order to have any social life at all. Trans ideology is difficult to avoid and be young and GC must be a tricky place to be these days.

Anyone who is so self centred that they think their views on a topic are the most important and must be heard at all times is going to be unpopular with likable people.

I think slightly older adults can usually get away with these differences of opinion by simply not talking about it, but that might well be harder for a lot of people in this age bracket (particularly middle-class/university-educated people? and perhaps especially women?). The frequency of trans identifying people in this age group - or at least some demographic subsets of it - is high enough that it might be difficult to have a wider group of friends that doesn't include at least one, and then you start to be compelled to use the right pronouns etc. Or you have people who like to bring up trans topics regularly to show what a fantastic ally they are.

With the right religious or ethnic minorities - or even just the right socioeconomic demographics - it is probably a lot easier to find like-minded people on this issue, but then of course trying to draw your friends from a group you don't yourself belong to causes its own issues.

Yes, that’s why so many TRA have to come on here “trolling”. They have no friends in real life. you are describing TRA to a tee. I mean, how sad must you have to be to make your “gender” your whole life and get upset and outraged when people won’t affirm your beliefs? How many death threats abd rape threats do women get for refusing to affirm the “genderborg”

You keep saying this but there is nothing at all in the post to suggest she is doing that.

OP said many of her peers don’t share her views and she’s lonely. She wants to meet likeminded people. You have called the OP’s daughter ‘fixated’ and ‘repellent‘ based on absolutely nothing at all. And then told the OP to stop talking about it even at home.

It’s not unusual to want to find others that share key views of yours. I might like to be friends with people who like watching horror movies because it’s a shared interest. Or I might want to be friends with other Labour/Lib Dem/whatever supporters. Or more relevant to me I’m very interested in discussing violence against women and girls. That doesn’t mean I’m fixated on any of those topics but it IS nice to feel like you are on the same page.

And the OP is ND. That makes conversations a lot more difficult. I can’t do small talk very well. In my teens it was easy to avoid because you end up with a set group of peers but it meant making friends in my 20s became really difficult because I couldn’t think of things to say - not that I was repellent! Shared interests have made that easier as I’ve gotten old - which is why I suggested finding other groups.

Maybe you need to step back and stop being so fixated on your negative opinion of a stranger’s daughter. It’s a bit obsessive.

Yes I have never said this only occurs when you have a certain view or views that I disagree with. If you are insufferable, then people won't want to be around you.

There might be a women’s rights network where she lives, which she could try to hook up with. They are largely made up of women who are older than her, though, but they would lionise her if she did join, so happy would they be to have a young woman join.

It’s sad to hear that this age group is still in the grip of the gender Borg. My lot, in their 30s, are still wholly captured (although it’s a subject we all avoid).

There are plenty of young people who are GC. It seems like the daughter in question also puts them off with her demeanour. That's how you know it is a "her" problem. It isn't everyone else.

And that would be acceptable if you are middle aged. And possible to do if you are NT.
But if this is the response every time this issue comes up, and the DD is not as fluent at changing subject, either she's going to get uncomfortable, or the social group are going to start to be very direct with her. There's nothing like a ND young adult for being very direct (unless it's a ND teen).

That's a people skill to learn. I used ti watch this show on Netflix about an autistic teen (ficctional) and his special interest was penguins. His GF gave him cards where he could mention penguins 3 x a day or a week or something. That sounds like a good tool to teach better social skills.

My DS is ND and it can be lonely, so I have a great deal of sympathy for your daughter. I’m sure she is not obsessed about it (as some seem to think) but I can imagine it’s difficult when such a high proportion of ND people have taken on trans identities. I think it’s something like 3x or 6x more likely that a TP is ND, so I guess if her friendship group or local clubs are pretty much full of the idea that people can simply self identify out of their sex at will, she will feel like the odd one out. I think the women’s rights network have a FB page although I’m not sure of the joining criteria but it may be worth a look. There are plenty of people who think that women’s rights matter so tell her she is not alone.

Ah you again

you're not in majority

still we do get the joy of you making a tit of yourself on Bluesky - will you be posting more screenshots there

Ah yes, militant hate.

Nothing like the puppies and rainbows AidaP spouts in other places:

"...And let's send a clear message to the world: fuck bigots and especially nazirowling with a splintery rolling pin."

This.

I don’t know, maybe if your views are stopping you forming friendships, then maybe change your views?

I’m surprised you’ve shown your face on here. You’ve got balls…

You are one of those with militant hate who make it a minefield for people to say what they think. You would have been right at home with the Stasi or the KGB.

I'm amazed it took him and his sidekick that long.