A little piece of insight

[Tandora]

Into a topic so woefully misunderstood.

I’ve suspected for a long time that you have skin in the game so I’m just going to leave it there, as you admitting that the majority posters on this board are right, means admitting the damage done to children in the name of gender ideology. And admitting that to yourself, would be devastating.

OP. The insight comes from acknowledging the distress described in your example AND in having the curiosity to deepen your understanding of the cultural environment in which the concept of transgenderism is born.

I believe the distress is real, both in my capacity as parent and as a person who has worked with children for years.

We live in a sexist, homophobic society which has not eliminated child abuse. Our children are hurting. Some express the pain described above. Especially in the current climate when they observe that this might finally be the language to speak that gives them almost magical power and agency lacking from other areas of their life.

We also live in an individualistic, consumer driven society, heavily influenced by the US despite our very different approaches to politics and social care. There's no medical evidence for transgenderism (or many other mental health diagnoses) in the same way there is for the Crohn's disease causing the "wrenching pain in their gut". What there is is a set of symptoms and a lucrative industry set up around selling people the cure to those symptoms.

A boy with abusively homophobic parents that punish him for non conforming is no more a girl than an anorexic child is morbidly obese.

I believe the distress is real

Thank you.

A step further would be to reflect on the fact that while you have your theories about what causes the distress- they may just be that - your theories.

When we have theories to explain other people's experience, it's always really, really important to listen to those people who are actually having that experience and how they talk about / understand their own experience.

To impose explanations on other people's experience that contradict how those people understand their own experience is almost always dangerous and wrong headed. This is by no means something unique to this topic- it's a general principle of significant importance.

They no males should be in female spaces? Really? Do why are they so bent on getting males with trans identities into female spaces?

Whatever trans-identified people feel - and if they need mental health support, I'm sure no one would want to deny that - has no relevance to whether males, however sad, should be in female spaces.

Kind of like when women tell males they have no clue what being a woman entails and to stop appropriating the word woman? Is that what you mean?

My lived experience says no to men in women’s spaces. That is my legal right.

I am sorry that trans people are distressed but the answer is not for them to come into single sex spaces that they have no legal right to be in.

That’s not my theory. That is my legal right.

And today's 'Missing The Point' award goes to...

Now can you please explain how their understanding of their own experience leads them to think they have the right to break the law?

Thanks so much.

You said TRA would agree with me that no males should be in female spaces. Are you saying males with a trans identity are not male?

clearly you don't understand "the law" , any more than you understand what being trans is.

In what way do I not understand the law in the U.K.?

Transwomen are not allowed in women’s single sex spaces, just as trans men are not allowed in men’s single sex spaces.

What more is there to understand?

So if a woman cannot understand what it is to be trans… surely a male with a trans identity cannot understand what it is to be a woman.

Yes if a child is hurting you help them. You help them by listening, getting the help they need and gently explaining to them that not everything in the world can be changed, made better or made to go away. Now, you as an adult should have learned all of that by now. I am sorry you aren't what you want to be but it is time to learn to live with it. Don't ask people to lie just to make you feel better.

Said no six year old child ever, this is the retrospective imaginings of a kidult.

Do you mean in the way trans women don’t understand what being a woman is?

I don’t need to understand what being trans is, nor do I want to. I don’t want men in women’s single sex spaces. And they’re not allowed in and any man who tries to go in is breaking the law.

I cried because I wanted to be a shark. I'm not a shark. I can't become a shark. Wouldn't expect the actual sharks to not eat me and put up with me pretending to be one.

To impose explanations on other people's experience that contradict how those people understand their own experience is almost always dangerous and wrong headed. This is by no means something unique to this topic- it's a general principle of significant importance.

But parents correct children's understanding of their own experience all the time. From basic safety to "no you are not literally going to die from starvation if you can't have a biscuit before dinner".

I don’t need to understand what being trans is, nor do I want to.

thank you for your honesty.

A step further would be to reflect on the fact that while you have your theories about what causes the distress- they may just be that - your theories.

They are theories that make logical sense, unlike the female soul or female brain type theories. You could also reflect on the fact that your theories are also "just your theories".

Is Barbie Kardashian a genuine trans person?

Why would I need to understand it? Anymore than I’d need to understand why someone is gay or straight? They are trans. I’m not going to put any time or energy into why they are. They are trans people they exist.

what they aren’t is actually the sex they identify with and as such they aren’t allowed into, for example, womens toilets.

You help them by listening, getting the help they need

yes

and gently explaining to them that not everything in the world can be changed, made better or made to go away

Certainly. But some things can be made better and go away. Gender dysphoria is one of those things. That 6 year old is telling you exactly what is hurting them and how to make it go away- so do you hear them or not?

What does making gender dysphoria go away and make it better look like for you?

Well if you were online promoting ideas about how being gay is a mental illness, and gay people are all liars and fakers , and promoting legislation that criminalises gay sex, prohibits education about being gay in school , I might try to help you understand a little more about what being gay is.

If your response was "I don't care, I don't need to understand " , I would appreciate your honesty and be clear about where you stood.