I blame JKRowling

[RedToothBrush]

For shrinking the size of Monster Munch and shrinkflation generally.

Also the existence of belly button fluff

What do you blame her for?

She's never offered me funding for someone to watch my jam pan while it's boiling, and as a result my hob is currently covered in a layer of raspberry jam.

No way! I have just done exactly the same thing. Is she forcing all UK Terfs to eat chocolate at half ten on a Friday eve?

Clearly she's mind controlling the terven! Just not in the way the TRAs think.

Maybe she could mind control me over to a second bottle of cider🙏

I think she could, she's just mind controlled me to a top up of wine. Damn her.

I blame JKR for making @SeinfeldsMom’s head explode.

JKRowling is to blame for my son's feet growing so I have to get new shoes in time for the start of the school year.

She is also to blame for how dreadful he is at trying on shoes and how it also results in arguments.

I want to stay in bed but she won't let me.

Also.

Have you ever seen JRK and RFK jr in the same place?

They have almost the same initials. They are the same person aren't they?

She knocked a vase off the top shelf of my bookcase and blamed the cat. He says it definitely wasn't him.

Yup, I have seen sweet and beautiful wrongly accused innocent cats before. How can she do that to them? Monster.

I blame JKR for starting WW3 with her literal violence.

Of course it wasn't him! That face clearly shows him to be innocent of all crimes you've assumed him to have committed since kittenhood. They were ALL JKR!

I hold her personally responsible for the fact that I stayed up to late last night doomscrolling crap.

Oh and chair poverty obviously

I bet she will also make sure that every shoe in your son’s size mysteriously vanish as soon as you step into the shop, @RedToothBrush. Apart from the one pair that is so hopelessly uncool and ugly that wearing them will destroy his social standing forever.

I have a big thick black chin hair, I cannot find a tweezers. JKR is to blame for both these things.

I heard she was seen poking that Icelandic volcano with a stick just before it erupted and showered the world in ash that one time.

JKR is still responsible for the fact my dishes remain unwashed.

Why she can't personally come to my house, pull me off the sofa, push me towards the kitchen sink and then dry whilst I wash is beyond me.

Why JKR? Why?

Right! I suppose I'm going to have to force myself off the sofa...

Oooh! It's so hard to move. I'm too comfy.

That's her bloody fault as well.

She’s broken my hairdryer that I bought for £5 fifteen years ago. I’m gutted.

Actually twenty years ago, OMG

All week I have thought it was the wrong day, because of the bank holiday JKR

Well it's progress of a sort.

Maud the gerbil is washing, I'm drying and some woman with red hair is sat at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette (I've got no cigars in at the moment) drinking whisky looking thoroughly unimpressed with our progress.

We all know who leaned against it before the cement had set...🙄

And it's certainly JKR's fault that because I had to do the dishes the clean tupperware wouldn't fit in the cupboard, because JKR made the tupperware cupboard hit "nope, you're getting no more in here until you've pulled it all out and stacked things back inside each other" stage just at that moment.

She obviously hates me.

This is why I attempt to always have some food in containers in the fridge. Because if I wash them all at once, JKR moves things around in the cupboard to make sure they don't fit 😡

Many years ago my DM bought my eldest brother new school shoes at the end of the summer term. It was definitely JKR’s fault that she had to buy another pair six weeks later because his feet had grown in that time. And even though my eldest brother has now died, which was also JKR’s fault, might I add, and JKR was probably a child at the time, it was a very terrible and expensive thing that badly affected my family.

I am still traumatised.