I’m Trans, Here’s My Story

[SnugPeach]

Hi I’m Trans, I know I’m essentially coming into what some would consider the wolf’s den by coming here to make a post. But I’m also a strong believer in trying to help people to understand and am happy to explain my story and experiences if it helps to enhance others understanding.

I kind want this thread to be AMA but also to give a bit of backstory. Now I know some of you are going to hear the next few thing. I say an immediately just tell I’m confused or misled, but yes I have Autism. I was diagnosed at a young age, but Autism is just one part of me. Had being Autistic affected my gender? Maybe who knows, I am me, Autism is not something separate thing that it’s me.

Anyway I’ll try not to waffle as I do tend too. I’m currently 28, have been DIYing for 1 and half years. Have everything updated and changed, Name, Passport etc. I also extensively researched everything I could on HRT over the years as the NHS system takes year and years to be seen.

During Childhood really I was I guess you could say less aware of ‘gender’ than my peers as I was for most things. I was heavily bullied at school by the boys for being ‘weird’, they’d call me ‘gay’ not that I understood what that meant but I doubt they did either, it was the early 2000s afterall. Where as on the other hand I was quite friendly with the girls, they didn’t bully me and treated me often with compassion and I’d enjoy spending time with them. Unfortunately even they would get bullied from time to time for associating with me. The boys often disdained at my lack of interest in football or other ‘boy’ things. Instead I loved working out technology how things worked, along with people. Despite being Autistic I have always been fairly sociable even if it’s been riddled with difficulties and learn curves and I still struggle with that today, but I love connecting with people and sharing feelings.

Skip forward to Secondary School and here is where a few things happen. I’m still very behind my peers in my understanding of allot of things. My feelings on my gender are neutral are based purely on fact of I am what I am because how can I not be. It did learn about Transgender people but it didn’t still click for me. I remained still extremely cautious of the boys but was more of a loner. I wanted more girl friends but the social dynamic had changed. I viewed most of the boys as idiots and bafoons. They would do the dumbest stuff like all this stupid competitive crap and honestly a majority of time I found myself sharing my female peers feelings towards them. It was around this time I found myself more aligned with Femininity and started to self describe as a feminine-guy. But still I would be considerate and respectful towards the girls who knew saw me as a boy even if not the same. Afterall who could blame them when I myself felt the same way. My Mum taught be about the day to day struggles women deal with and I very much took that to heart. Honestly the way some of the boys acted towards girls in my class outright appalled me. I became invested in Feminism and equal rights which also spanned I to my experience with Autism and my own femininity (which had been policed just in the opposite direction, aka made fun of/discouraged). In the later years of Sixth Form I became friendly finally with people again after some therapy which also arose from me being on my own (was supported by a ta for most of my schooling, we had an autism centre in the school I went too) I grew very close to the girls in the group we would natter and gossip about all sorts. I kinda felt honoured that they considered me trustworthy enough to include in conversations they didn’t include the two other guys in. Also around this time people started asking me if I was Gay I was mostly confused, because I wasn’t Gay, Asexual yes technically (but did not have word for that yet), But not gay. I liked Women but romantically only.

Fast forward it’s university and I became a sort of shut in again. I commented to Uni and after my first year I hated the course. But my Mum refused to let me take a break or quit as by the time I’d had enough I was ‘halfway’ so her logic was to push through. Not that my degree has done anything for me. Anyway this is where feelings first started. Now in my early 20s I was finally catching up to my peers not that I’ve ever full caught up. I was fully realised as a feminine guy, however that never felt right. I also still felt outcast for this. That’s when I finally started to explore gender. Upon turning 18 I hate being called a Man and tried desperately to get people to call me a Guy as it felt less Man more neutral. So I after university came out as non-binary, I started to pass my nails get my hair dyed, But it still didn’t feel right. My Mum supported me until I bought a Jumper from the women's section. I cared deeply about my mum and her backlash was enough to push me back in the closet back to bring a feminine guy, but now my mum instead of being sensitive around my gender, it felt like she empathised my manners, which honestly disgusted me. I near had a referral for the gender clinic back here but due to this I basically let it go. One of things that made me so happy was just how unmanly I was including the fact I didn’t start growing any sort of facial hair until I was in my mid 20s and I grew and kept my hair long and it made me so so happy. Anyway back I went for a few years.

Then after finding out about Femboys it all came back, maybe this is what I am. But I quickly came to the conclusion again this was not right. I realised deep down I wished I where born a girl. I had thought that my childhood would have been easier if I was, the my behaviours would have been more acceptable. Which bought me great internal conflict. Afterall I’m a feminist. I adore the women in my life and my immediate reaction was one of disgust and hate for myself. How could I feel this way when I knew full well I struggle women have to deal with, the stereotypes my femininity fell into, the fact I could be a man and be all these things. I had a privilege one that I understood yet never felt, because I completely hated everything about being a man. So many parts of myself were restrained or restricted and I felt completely uncomfortable with myself. It turned out I was asexual for example because I couldn’t see myself as a man in situation like that ever. Still I spent the next 2 years fighting over all this with myself internally. I’d let my mum know and our relationship soured even more so because it. Over the course of the 2 years I fought with myself daily over my feelings, one side of me telling me what I was feeling was an offence to the women (cis and trans) I cared about. The other side in full acceptance that I did feel this way. I’d give away anything ANYTHING to have been born in a body that matched my mind. Again I don’t want to be a Male, full stop. I always have felt more female than male and why that’s something that’s not easily explained it’s just how I genuinely feel. All the acknowledgment and beliefs about you don’t have to be a girl to be feminine don’t seem to matter the logic doesn’t apply to that feeling.

Eventually with the support of some friends I finally go back to get a referral. Meanwhile completely separate thing but my Mums health was getting worse. She had Breast Cancer on and off since I was young also. I 2023 she was finally made terminal after over 23 years since her first diagnose (probably 5ish years of remission between first first and follow ups). Her being made terminal was a big wake up call for me for many things include this situation. For a while the debate stopped in my head because it was filled with worry about her but once that eased off (she lived about a year longer than they predicted) it all came back and hit me really hard. I was training 27 at the end of year. I was miserable my body disgusted me and I didn’t want to waste anymore time wondering if HRT would help and if it would allow me to finally put to bed some of my feelings. So I started to DIY just before my 27th birthday. I felt a tonne better within the two weeks and despite the fact it’s not like a magic bullet pill that took away all my dysphoria and stuff it’s helped to insane degree. My Mum obviously did not support me which was hard and broke my heart deeply since she was the women I have always looked up the most in my life. That all it’s own story really.

Right now I’m sort of back I a bad way. Sure due to my Autism amongst other things I still have allot of mental health issues. I’ve never worked, have allot of anxiety, issues with depression but again I had these before transition and arguably they where better and being more manageable after until the Court Ruling early this year. Since that ruling I have been referred and put back into Therapy again because of the effect it’s had on me amongst other stuff going on. I’m honestly terrified of what it all means. All I want is to live my life in peace as myself. I know you’re all going to have different views on what that should look like but all I ask is to have some empathy. I’m literally scared, I just want to be like any other woman and get on with my life. Instead it feels like the whole world is crumbling around me and people view me as undesirable, undeserving and less of a person. Tell me who would sign on to feel like this?

it’s just so hard for me. I’m not even sure if what I’ve said is any good but I’ve just tried to describe best I can my experience and how I feel. I wish you all a pleasant day and please feel free to ask anything. Also apologises for any bad grammar/spelling mistakes, Dyslexic too.

OP you are an autistic person (with all the challenges that brings) who has been through a lifetime of trauma, much of it caused by toxic masculinity.

It's absolutely no wonder that you want to get away from being male and that being male feels like something bad and horrible for you. It feels like being born a girl would have been the answer to all your problems - but you weren't born a girl, and sadly autistic girls can be horribly bullied and ostracised in just the same way. But wishing you weren't born male is as futile as wishing you weren't born autistic. You are as intrinsically male as you are autistic.

I honestly don't believe that trying to live as a woman is going to make you happy. I think you need a lot of help with your MH and dealing with the years of trauma you've been through and that being your sort of man (whatever that means) is fine. I also think you need much more in your life and that your gender obsession has been able to grow unchecked since uni ended as you haven't had anything else positive in your life to focus on.

You need meds for your anxiety and depression if you don't already have them - what did you do your degree in, comp sci? engineering? Have you been trying to get a job since? Are you asking for questions in advance as a reasonable adjustment? Or have you been at a loss because you hated your course and don't know what to do for a job?

I have a 19 year old with ASD and dyspraxia and feel a huge amount of empathy for you. I think you need to change your focus. Stop worrying about your gender, honestly gender isn't that deep, it's based on a bunch of stereotypes. Have your hair how you like, dress how you like and start focussing on how you can get your life back on track with a job and a future.

Don't worry about getting a graduate level job right now, consider a job perhaps in IT at a lower level if that's an area that interests you/related to your degree. If that's too big a step right now then start with volunteering and online courses. Find organisations that help autistic people get into work. Find autistic friends off line, Start rebuilding your life. From a 100% GC woman, good luck!

Just as well it's not an AMA thread, as the OP has not been back.

Op, I have two adult sons that “feel” they aren’t men. Basically I absolutely love them regardless and also tell them they can’t change sex. I am respectful in that I don’t discuss the gender bollocks unless they specifically raise it. I love them desperately but they are male. They can’t even begin to guess at what it is to be a woman, and it’s frankly insulting that they would even try. They know that I was sexually abused as a child and to hear them say I should have to share toilet space and changing rooms with men -to save the men’s poor hurt feelings instead of the selfish man considering WHY we need that space was frankly shocking to me. Any movement of men insisting their feelings are more important than women’s physical needs is inherently toxic and wages is entitlement around loud and proud.

There is nothing at all wrong with being an effeminate man. In fact it takes more courage to fill your space with non conformity instead of trying to shoe horn yourself into a space to which you gave zero entitlement. I am 100% not attracted to men that claim to be women or women that claim to be men but I AM attracted to both sexes when they own their reality and rock that shit with confidence. A man in eyeliner that’s in touch with his emotions? Absolutely!! A butch woman that oozes confidence? Yes, 100%.

You reckon? I remember trying to explain to a TW (Katy Montgomery) why I need to have a female gynecologist as I have CPTSD from childhood abuse frothe age of 3 at the hands of my father. I told him all this to try and have him understand why same sex care can be so important. He dismissed me as akin to a racist. There is no empathy for women from many of these entitled men.

Thank you for sharing your experience, OP.

I am so sorry about your mum. I know how hard that is.

I just hope that people are kind to you.

People are people. That's all that should matter.

I'm sorry for what you've been through, but being female/male is not a feeling, it's just biology. I can feel like a tiger but that still doesn't make me one.

Four hours later, no further post from OP.

Bloke comes into a room, dumps, 9 pages of women being compassionate.

The usual transgressive rubbish.

Dang it now they'll have to change the Pride flag AGAIN!!

What did your mum say? What did the therapist say? I would hope the therapist tried to tell you to learn to love yourself as you are not encourage pretending to be something else. My child had an ED which is not the same of course but it is a body dysmorphia. The therapist would never say it's OK starve yourself to death because it makes you feel better. I can't get my head around therapists that don't try and deal with the real issue of hating yourself and the confusion of fitting in. It's a mental health disorder and needs treating as such. You need to learn to accept who you are and people around you should be helping with that, not send you down a path of untruths. There are too many trans activists pushing this agenda to vulnerable autistic children. It's like a cult. We are all different you don't need to be a masculine man who likes sports, no one fits in to boxes. I'm sorry you feel this way about yourself it's horrible and terribly sad.

Very sorry about your mum . That must have been awful. She sounds like a tough woman to go through that for so many years.
She was probably mostly worried about how you would be treated being trans.
Did you ever have blood tests when teen/younger or at all to test testosterone levels ?
Also do you think if in school the other boys had been kinder and had more in common with you . Then you would not have disliked being a boy or boys in general so much?
Its a tricky thing to navigate. I have what in the past would be called a tomboy dd. But she doesnt want to be a boy.
I think on both sides you have degrees of intensity towards being super feminine or masculine. (To put it very basically).
Like a spectrum.
Except now its very common that if you are more towards the opposite sex then you actually must be trans .
Also that if you get the correct label then you will then be OK and all problems fixed

You are not wrong.
On the other hand, this thread has provided the opportunity for some absolutely brilliant incisive posts.
Maybe the lurkers on here from the 'other side' will take some of these points on board...

This is absolutely spot on, particularly this bit

my advice is get a job or volunteer you need to get out your own head.

What I see in your generation is so much introspection, so much soul searching. I don't think that's healthy. You need to get out into the world and live. Reach out to other people and help them, get involved in a real cause. Devote your energies to things beyond your 'identity'.

You've been through a lot and I have sympathy, but you need to address these things at their cause. Trying to bully women into accepting you as one of them is a) fruitless and b) not going to make you happy. I hope you get the therapy and support you need.

The SC judgement has not changed anything for you. No group of men should have a right to women's spaces. Women need these spaces for their own safety and dignity and you need to have awareness of other people's needs beyond your own.

I wish you the best.

Hi OP

thanks for sharing your story. I would imagine a lot of these responses are hard to read but I just want to tell you I see you, I believe you and, to me, trans women are women and I suppose all trans people.

What a surprise!

Have you even read the post? Or was this just an automatic reply based on your own prejudiced view?

No they are not, they are men and you are not being the kind person you think you are in encouraging the OP in the delusion he will ever change sex and be a woman

This the worst place really to ask advice about transgender issues. Check Google for grops in your area. There are several groups on Facebook too. I wish you well lovey. Things will get better in the future. Good luck ❤️

He isn't asking for advice. He's telling us his 'backstory'. The choice was entirely his to post here.

Hi OP. I'm gender critical but I appreciate you sharing your story in a gentle and polite way. I wish you all the best.

The worst place? You haven't read the responses, of course. They have been, in the main, understanding, supportive and with some excellent advice.
Do read before criticising or generalising.

I take you are aware that ‘transitioning’ increases suicide risk 18-fold, leads to multiple health risks including sterility, higher risks of cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis, not to mention risk from operations including death. I find it rather disgusting that you are wishing that on anyone.

“I'm gender critical but….”

Beautifully put @akkakk

OP I'm sorry for your struggles, but you're not female, not a woman and never will be

I think it'll be hard for you and many others once the world wakes up to the fact that many "trans rights" were in fact fictions / wishful thinking created by Stonewall. You were misled by Stonewall

I don't understand. I've read page 1 and the OP post. Why is everyone piling on and saying 'you can't be a woman because single sex spaces'?

I am a woman. An old one. I have experienced my share of sexual harrassment, men exposing themselves, behaving inappropriately etc. I have never experienced any of this from trans people. So why does everyone seem to leap past the obvious statement of 'welcome to experiencing life lived as a woman. We value you and include you' - which would obviously be the kind and loving thing to do (and which I mean, OP). Everyone seems to be getting their claws out and saying 'No, you can't do this'.

So I am here to say 'Live your life and be happy, and welcome to as full a life experience as a woman as the stupid law will let you.'

I have two close friends who are trans and who have blossomed as a result, and know several other trans people in the world of music.

The OP isn't coming back, it's an AMA without bothering to answer.

No doubt you will be another.