I’m Trans, Here’s My Story

[SnugPeach]

Hi I’m Trans, I know I’m essentially coming into what some would consider the wolf’s den by coming here to make a post. But I’m also a strong believer in trying to help people to understand and am happy to explain my story and experiences if it helps to enhance others understanding.

I kind want this thread to be AMA but also to give a bit of backstory. Now I know some of you are going to hear the next few thing. I say an immediately just tell I’m confused or misled, but yes I have Autism. I was diagnosed at a young age, but Autism is just one part of me. Had being Autistic affected my gender? Maybe who knows, I am me, Autism is not something separate thing that it’s me.

Anyway I’ll try not to waffle as I do tend too. I’m currently 28, have been DIYing for 1 and half years. Have everything updated and changed, Name, Passport etc. I also extensively researched everything I could on HRT over the years as the NHS system takes year and years to be seen.

During Childhood really I was I guess you could say less aware of ‘gender’ than my peers as I was for most things. I was heavily bullied at school by the boys for being ‘weird’, they’d call me ‘gay’ not that I understood what that meant but I doubt they did either, it was the early 2000s afterall. Where as on the other hand I was quite friendly with the girls, they didn’t bully me and treated me often with compassion and I’d enjoy spending time with them. Unfortunately even they would get bullied from time to time for associating with me. The boys often disdained at my lack of interest in football or other ‘boy’ things. Instead I loved working out technology how things worked, along with people. Despite being Autistic I have always been fairly sociable even if it’s been riddled with difficulties and learn curves and I still struggle with that today, but I love connecting with people and sharing feelings.

Skip forward to Secondary School and here is where a few things happen. I’m still very behind my peers in my understanding of allot of things. My feelings on my gender are neutral are based purely on fact of I am what I am because how can I not be. It did learn about Transgender people but it didn’t still click for me. I remained still extremely cautious of the boys but was more of a loner. I wanted more girl friends but the social dynamic had changed. I viewed most of the boys as idiots and bafoons. They would do the dumbest stuff like all this stupid competitive crap and honestly a majority of time I found myself sharing my female peers feelings towards them. It was around this time I found myself more aligned with Femininity and started to self describe as a feminine-guy. But still I would be considerate and respectful towards the girls who knew saw me as a boy even if not the same. Afterall who could blame them when I myself felt the same way. My Mum taught be about the day to day struggles women deal with and I very much took that to heart. Honestly the way some of the boys acted towards girls in my class outright appalled me. I became invested in Feminism and equal rights which also spanned I to my experience with Autism and my own femininity (which had been policed just in the opposite direction, aka made fun of/discouraged). In the later years of Sixth Form I became friendly finally with people again after some therapy which also arose from me being on my own (was supported by a ta for most of my schooling, we had an autism centre in the school I went too) I grew very close to the girls in the group we would natter and gossip about all sorts. I kinda felt honoured that they considered me trustworthy enough to include in conversations they didn’t include the two other guys in. Also around this time people started asking me if I was Gay I was mostly confused, because I wasn’t Gay, Asexual yes technically (but did not have word for that yet), But not gay. I liked Women but romantically only.

Fast forward it’s university and I became a sort of shut in again. I commented to Uni and after my first year I hated the course. But my Mum refused to let me take a break or quit as by the time I’d had enough I was ‘halfway’ so her logic was to push through. Not that my degree has done anything for me. Anyway this is where feelings first started. Now in my early 20s I was finally catching up to my peers not that I’ve ever full caught up. I was fully realised as a feminine guy, however that never felt right. I also still felt outcast for this. That’s when I finally started to explore gender. Upon turning 18 I hate being called a Man and tried desperately to get people to call me a Guy as it felt less Man more neutral. So I after university came out as non-binary, I started to pass my nails get my hair dyed, But it still didn’t feel right. My Mum supported me until I bought a Jumper from the women's section. I cared deeply about my mum and her backlash was enough to push me back in the closet back to bring a feminine guy, but now my mum instead of being sensitive around my gender, it felt like she empathised my manners, which honestly disgusted me. I near had a referral for the gender clinic back here but due to this I basically let it go. One of things that made me so happy was just how unmanly I was including the fact I didn’t start growing any sort of facial hair until I was in my mid 20s and I grew and kept my hair long and it made me so so happy. Anyway back I went for a few years.

Then after finding out about Femboys it all came back, maybe this is what I am. But I quickly came to the conclusion again this was not right. I realised deep down I wished I where born a girl. I had thought that my childhood would have been easier if I was, the my behaviours would have been more acceptable. Which bought me great internal conflict. Afterall I’m a feminist. I adore the women in my life and my immediate reaction was one of disgust and hate for myself. How could I feel this way when I knew full well I struggle women have to deal with, the stereotypes my femininity fell into, the fact I could be a man and be all these things. I had a privilege one that I understood yet never felt, because I completely hated everything about being a man. So many parts of myself were restrained or restricted and I felt completely uncomfortable with myself. It turned out I was asexual for example because I couldn’t see myself as a man in situation like that ever. Still I spent the next 2 years fighting over all this with myself internally. I’d let my mum know and our relationship soured even more so because it. Over the course of the 2 years I fought with myself daily over my feelings, one side of me telling me what I was feeling was an offence to the women (cis and trans) I cared about. The other side in full acceptance that I did feel this way. I’d give away anything ANYTHING to have been born in a body that matched my mind. Again I don’t want to be a Male, full stop. I always have felt more female than male and why that’s something that’s not easily explained it’s just how I genuinely feel. All the acknowledgment and beliefs about you don’t have to be a girl to be feminine don’t seem to matter the logic doesn’t apply to that feeling.

Eventually with the support of some friends I finally go back to get a referral. Meanwhile completely separate thing but my Mums health was getting worse. She had Breast Cancer on and off since I was young also. I 2023 she was finally made terminal after over 23 years since her first diagnose (probably 5ish years of remission between first first and follow ups). Her being made terminal was a big wake up call for me for many things include this situation. For a while the debate stopped in my head because it was filled with worry about her but once that eased off (she lived about a year longer than they predicted) it all came back and hit me really hard. I was training 27 at the end of year. I was miserable my body disgusted me and I didn’t want to waste anymore time wondering if HRT would help and if it would allow me to finally put to bed some of my feelings. So I started to DIY just before my 27th birthday. I felt a tonne better within the two weeks and despite the fact it’s not like a magic bullet pill that took away all my dysphoria and stuff it’s helped to insane degree. My Mum obviously did not support me which was hard and broke my heart deeply since she was the women I have always looked up the most in my life. That all it’s own story really.

Right now I’m sort of back I a bad way. Sure due to my Autism amongst other things I still have allot of mental health issues. I’ve never worked, have allot of anxiety, issues with depression but again I had these before transition and arguably they where better and being more manageable after until the Court Ruling early this year. Since that ruling I have been referred and put back into Therapy again because of the effect it’s had on me amongst other stuff going on. I’m honestly terrified of what it all means. All I want is to live my life in peace as myself. I know you’re all going to have different views on what that should look like but all I ask is to have some empathy. I’m literally scared, I just want to be like any other woman and get on with my life. Instead it feels like the whole world is crumbling around me and people view me as undesirable, undeserving and less of a person. Tell me who would sign on to feel like this?

it’s just so hard for me. I’m not even sure if what I’ve said is any good but I’ve just tried to describe best I can my experience and how I feel. I wish you all a pleasant day and please feel free to ask anything. Also apologises for any bad grammar/spelling mistakes, Dyslexic too.

Despite saying he wanted this to be like and Ask Me Anything thread.

I am not convinced this thread is in good faith.

They daren't read.
They can't risk reading anything that doesn't fit their narrative.

Hey just wanted to let you know, sex and gender are different.

If it gets deleted, they will claim it was full of hateful comments.

I haven't read a single comment.

I believe every word you say.

I'm fucking awesome me.

🙄

I wonder if he expected we’d all read his sob story and realise we’ve all been wrong all along, our concerns aren’t valid because he’s ever so gentle and we’ll completely change our minds. And as that’s not happening he’s flounced.

how are 9 pages of pretty much unanimous sympathy, empathy and support "hard to read"?

How are transwomen women? if they were women, they wouldn't be trans, would they?

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I wish you courage, courage for you to accept & keep fighting for your authentic self. A problem many of us share transor not. Don't let the noise distract you from the signal: Be you & in you find peace.

A💖

ah, some supporters.

The bat(shit) signal has gone up then.

So I am here to say 'Live your life and be happy, and welcome to as full a life experience as a woman as the stupid law will let you.'

fortunately for the rest of us, you can't give away our rights.

Join a lot of us in campaigning for 3rd spaces. And then use them to give your trans friends the validation they desire, and leave our hard-won spaces for us.

FWIW i hope that all the lovely supportive, symtathetic, empathetic and practical posts are helping.

Nothing like people ignoring hundreds of women posters and swooping in to fawn at the feet of the male of the species 🙃

💯

After 15 pages, I don't think he's coming back.

since this community here doesn’t understand or accept your lived experience, they cannot affirm you.

haha, this is a bit of an eye opener. We will not affirm a man as a woman because they aren't. But without a woman's (many and varied) lived experience a man can't declare himself a woman.

And co-opting native American two spirit beliefs? GO AWAY WITH THAT CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. You are cancelled.

Yes I completely agree.

Have courage to be who you are and stop trying to be something you can never be.

Trans people are male or female just like the rest of us; not some unique category of person. We all exist. But if your 'existence' is predicated on an intangible, falsifiable construct then it is going to be a very fragile and shaky existence.

Your approach is actually facilitating mental fragility in the guise of loving acceptance..you need to take your share of responsibility for that. Responsible love recognises boundaries and limits and it does not wrap the loved one up in cotton wool forever.

You sound like a lovely person @SnugPeach. I am so sorry your mum has died and incredibly concerned that her absence must be especially difficult when you’re trying to juggle questions like this.

You formed close friendships with women because women are generally more empathetic and accepting and ‘kinder’ than men. They related to you and accepted you for who you are. And that is as a lovely gentle man.

Those relationships will change if you reframe yourself as a woman and claim you are a woman. Because you’re not a woman and that adds an element to a normal relationship that becomes more challenging to navigate.

I, for example, am totally accepting of quirky weird gentle humans who come in different shapes and sizes. But I am less accepting of relationships which impose unreality on me, expect me to conform to it, and even expect me to tolerate it redefining who I am and what my lived life experience is, which includes experiences rooted in biology and xx chromosomes.

Sadly, I think the path you’ve chosen, most likely because you crave certainty and an absolute sense of belonging, is going to put a barrier between you and some of those who care about you, and potentially leave you even more isolated.

That sense of not fitting in is because you are autistic, not because you’re in the wrong body. And I hope you can find a way to explore that and come to terms with it without alienating the people you have found closest kinship with.

FWIW, I would never be rude to you or call you out if you presented as a woman. You would likely read my compassion and politeness as acceptance. You’d be wrong.

I wouldn’t be thinking you’re a woman, and I’d not bring you home because I wouldn’t want my children to also have to ‘pretend’ what is real is unreal, and I wouldn’t want a denial of science and truth to confuse my kids. They are too young for the mental gymnastics trans-politics demands people go through, and ‘no debate’ is the equivalent of buying into the ‘emperors new clothes’. You are not an issue but your politics would be. (I’m unlikely to bring home a Faragist either.). Your assumed identity is a political and social construct. It’s not real.

The opposite would be true if you’re a gender non-conforming authentic human who happens to be biologically male. That’s a role model for my kids and that’s what feminism is to me.

All I’ve said is probably dismissed as ‘hate’. But I don’t hate you at all. I’m just rooted in reality. Facts are facts. The fact is you are suffering; grieving; autistic; and a male who doesn’t confirm to society’s cruel stereotypes. You are not, and never will be, a woman. And that’s OK. I hope you can get to a place where you recognise that.

whenever i meet a trans person IRL, which isn't every day but getting to be a more regular occurance, i am as nice as i am to anyone else. Which is pretty nice and kind and helpful.

But i do not believe they are the opposite sex, if they asked me to confirm that i'd tell them "no, i don't believe that" and i am not using their chosen pronouns when talking about them in the 3rd person when they are not there. I will use their chosen name though, and when they are around it does sound pretty daft because if 3rd person pronouns would normally be used i use their name.

I treat humans as humans. There are very few things that happen in daily life (outside of using public toilets) that need to be sex segregated. But i will insist on those things being sex segregated.

None of this makes me mean, viper like, or unsupportive.

But SirBasil don't you know that women's role in this world is to affirm, provide resource and act as human shields for 'special' men because those 'special' men can't possibly not have everything their own way as it will make them terribly, terribly sad.

I get you, truly I do. You’ve caught me on a sad day rather than an angry day, that’s all.

I’m sorry you’ve had a tough time and it was interesting reading your experiences.

I think when you’re unhappy and don’t feel like you belong or fit in, it’s totally natural to want to find a “group” or “identity”. I’m sure lots of people can relate to that.

The sad truth is though that lots of people struggle, are lonely, don’t fit in, are unhappy with their bodies or other aspects of their lives.

It’s tempting to think “if only I had X everything would be ok”. I think we all do that to some extent - it’s very relatable. But it rarely works that way. There’s often no easy fix.

I also found interesting your claims about there being a “female mind”, and clothing being very significant.

From my perspective, it’s strange to read that because all the women I know think so differently about many things. And the women who don’t wear feminine clothing are no less women.

So I guess what I’m saying is a certain “mind” and clothing do not a woman make - women are varied. Sadly what binds a lot of women together and shapes them is mistreatment at the hands of men.

In truth though, I think a lot of problems begin with this idea our minds, behaviours and bodies all need to match.

You can be a manly woman or a womanly man. You can behave however you want, wear whatever you want.

Perhaps if in future people are more accepting of that, then people won’t feel this desperate desire for (for example) a female body to match their clothing/behaviour - it will be ok to be however you are.

I wish you all the best 🌷

I haven’t read a single comment, but I don’t have to. I find it quite disturbing that people can be unkind and be ok with that.

@OpheliaNightingale RTFT then. Instead of imagining "unkindness"

(pretty sure now the bat(shit) signal has gone out)

Indeed, can you tell me how pumping your body full of synthetic hormones, having surgery and going to classes to learn how to mimic the opposite sex is being authentic?

Seven hours on and the AMA thread has no seen the OP return from his original drive-by ChatGPT post.

frankly? among the power tools, the football, the beer, the all you can eat pizza at every opportunity, the tattoos, the short hair, the docs, and the men's jeans (see the size of these POCKETS!)... this is how i am starting to think that I'm not actually a woman. Because i don't see it as my role to affirm any of this nonsense.