Grayson Perry..

[CurlewKate]

I’ve always had a lot of time for Grayson Perry- but I saw a couple of pictures on a thread, bizarrely enough, about Sewing Bee,of him wearing what appeared to be an erect dildo at a charity event. While I am prepared to believe anything about the behaviour of men, this does seem distinctly out of character. Is there a background story I need to know, or do I have to add him to my list of shits

Why on earth does anyone feel the need to bring his wife into it?

They bring his wife into it because she's generally lovely and liked and because her tacit public acceptance of him legitimises him as normal. When he gets too weird, we look to her as she chooses to stay married to him so he must not be bad.

I think this is also relevant to Philippa Perry in this instance.

She is a well known author of a popular parenting book ("The book you wish your parents had read - and your children will be glad you did") and has another book about adult relationships and an advice column.

For me personally, I feel that her opinion/advice is significantly discredited from knowing that she is married to a man who behaves like this. It tells me that either she is not able to put her own advice into practice, or that she is unaware of/chooses to ignore/endorses inappropriate sexual and controlling behaviour in her husband.

Was thinking the same thing exactly.

Me too.

Agree- and I have her book and read her column. It's hard to separate.

I live opposite him, have done for years, he is really not a nice person, puts on a good act though.
I can't verify it but I have a hunch that both of them have recently had facelifts. Not sure if it's relevant but speaks to their egos.

Thats the issue with him he has talked about the fact that it's a kink and that he gets a thrill out of the humiliation aspect of it and other people's reactions. So he's just another man quite happy to put is own sexual gratification over anyone else.

Exactly. His “honesty” about it with himself and other means he’ll openly admit it’s sexual and the shocked or disapproving reaction of others is what makes it such a thrill. And yet can’t extend his imagination or empathy far enough beyond his own nose (/knob) to understand that this shock and discomfort isn’t just for his benefit or just silly prudishness that he can exploit. It’s people’s - often women’s - real feelings of distress, alarm, or reasonable suspicion to see a man performing a “look at me having an erection/exposing myself” act (even if we can’t see the actual willy). Women who know what that generally means in a man and are now on their guard instead of having a nice night out. Women (and some men) who’ve been sexually abused or harassed or flashed at and are now being reminded of that. He just doesn’t care that it’s actually miserable for those around him. Like so many men there’s him, his penis, his sexual gratification and… er, that’s it.

I was a victim of CSA myself and I can describe the feeling it gives me when I encounter that “ooh I’m getting off on being risqué/making you think about my erection/making you uncomfortable with sexual inappropriateness” thing and it’s horrible. It’s a humiliated, painful, powerless feeling of dread that soaks through me and makes me want to hide. It takes a lot to fight it and stay strong and cheery like you have to in a schmoozy public situation like that. That’s what he’s doing to people and exploiting and he doesn’t care.

Re his wife, yes it’s not her fault, but she does give him legitimacy with the way she goes along with it and makes out it’s all fine, especially as PPs have said, as a psychotherapist and agony aunt who should be able to understand what he’s doing and the effects on others and care about that. She didn’t cause it, she can’t control it but she could refuse to be involved, and I think it’s fair criticism to say it’s not a good look and reduces trust in her professionally.

Though I am aware that a lot of psychologist and therapist types choose that path because of difficult life experiences, and are often damaged and not fully mentally healthy or emotionally strong. Not saying that’s definitely the case for her, but the spilt coffee anecdote seems to suggest settling for the first crumb of kindness that came along - and I can relate to that.

So sorry for what you have gone through, WhatterySquash, and the fact that you are still suffering. This is exactly what people need to know, but also exactly what sufferers can't actually say in public.

Thanks i appreciate you saying that

But it is so common - I know it’s unlikely that there are going to be just one or zero people in the room who feel like that about his antics. And while CSA is common, most women have experienced sexual harassment and will be affected by that too. And even if you’ve had neither, it’s still normal and reasonable to find it gross and alarming.

And meanwhile, of course, he's gained a reputation for being pretty empathetic towards women and something of a feminist. He built a whole house in honour of a fictional woman he invented, Julie Cope. You can now go and stay there.
www.living-architecture.co.uk/the-houses/a-house-for-essex/overview/

I can now hear his voice saying 'Julie, cope ffs!'

I wonder if the guilt of knowing what a thrill he gets out of woman face and insulting and humiliating women drives him to at least pretend to be woman-friendly. It's predatory behaviour. This is why I have no time for his wife. She's a handmaiden to male kink and the great god cock. I think she offers sex advice in the Guardian or possibly the Observer. The pair of them must be laughing themselves silly at how gullible the world is.

I’ve not heard of his Julie Cope artwork but think cope is such an interesting choice of surname. That’s what he expects women to do - cope, put up with his transgressions, not make a fuss about it.

Just read some background of the house design and there’s an interview with Alain de Botton blowing smoke smoke up his proverbial. It’s been a while since I read any de Botton, will definitely give me a different perspective on him if I revisit it.

Oh and I was going to watch sewing bee on catch up. Read the description of making a Perry themed baby doll and noped out. Not watching that.

I’d only just started watching again after I had to stop watching a couple of series ago when they had harness guy smirking away putting harnesses on everything.

I think she offers sex advice in the Guardian or possibly the Observer.
TBF it's general 'agony aunt'/therapy advice, not sex specifically, although sometimes of course it's about or involves sexual issues.
She was in the Observer but jumped ship when it was sold and now I think has an advice blog or substack.

he is really not a nice person
Ooh, come on, give us a snippet of detailed gossip!

And meanwhile, of course, he's gained a reputation for being pretty empathetic towards women and something of a feminist. He built a whole house in honour of a fictional woman he invented, Julie Cope.

I think that kind of ties in with enjoying having power over women, in a way. It's not like campaigning for the women of Afghanistan, or standing up for women's sex-based rights in the UK - actual women.

I suppose from his wife's pov she is probably in the position of being a handmaiden to his fetish or the collapse of her marriage, one that has brought her a considerable amount of personal fame and prosperity.

Whattery

I saw his programme on AI and damn him, he seems quite empathetic, particularly when talking to women who have dated these tech bros who are designing the future we will all live in

He also wasn't in drag mode and actually declared himself a man, which seemed like a minor breakthrough

He has never denied being a man.

He is quite open about the fact that he is a man who gets a sexual kick from dressing as a parody of women. He has even said the rise of the trans movement has made it more acceptable to be dressed that way, reducing the shock factor and therefore reducing the appeal to him to dress up.

Knowing you are a man (the blinding obvious) does not make AGP either OK, or victimless.

Don’t be grateful for crumbs from these men.

He admits he gets an erection when he goes about dressed like this. Yuck. Creepy fetishist I'm afraid. I really dislike him, creepy bloke. Pretending to be a little girl is absolutely not o k. 🚩🚩🚩

Including his dreadful handmaid wife