My DD hates that I’m a TERF!

[TheLizardQueen]

My teenage DD says she is embarrassed of my GC views. I’ve tried to educate her on women’s spaces, women’s sports etc but she doesn’t agree with me and says I embarrass her with my views and not to expect her to want to spend time with me when she leaves home. I’m gutted but she will not change my mind. I’ve told her that my views are that a person cannot change sex but she has some trans friends and thinks that I hate trans people. I absolutely do not hate trans people but I do not think that TWAW and as such shouldn’t be welcome in women’s only spaces. Please help me navigate this. I fear that she will hate me because of my views but I cannot accept her views but I don’t want her to be embarrassed of me either 😕

I think for both cohorts, the reasons are pretty clear.

Motivated to 'transition'

Do you want to address the question as to why we have so many middle aged men identifying as trans, but not middle aged women.

I'll have a go.

Middle aged men are suddenly motivated to transition because trans activism over the last 10 years or so has evolved to the point that they can now put on a short skirt and a push up bra and act out their fantasies in public, and they are now labelled stunning and brave rather than perverts (which is what they would have been labelled a few years ago).

And teenage girls and young women are motivated to transition because they have grown up in a misogynistic, porn addled society where women are constantly degraded, sexually assaulted and expected to do things in their sexual relationships which were previously uncommon outside of hardcore porn, and opting out of womanhood seems like a good option from where they are standing.

It's quite fascinating how The Righteous mostly post short, almost-content-free, emotion-heavy posts. It's like desperately trying to adhere to the #NoDebate catechism, but they can't quite stop themselves because of the dopamine hit from scolding Bad People Especially Older Disobedient Women.

They lovethe righteous scolding of older women bit don’t they? They are the modern day witch finder generals they just can’t see it. Only this time women mobilised and fought back led by JKR and other brave vocal women. Absolutely glorious. And these men hate that.

Personally I think it has to be discussed prior to school propaganda being taught and long before adolescence.

I discussed this issue long before school did and all of mine roll their eyes at the statement ‘trans women are women’ and ‘no debate’.

I also encourage them to think critically about everything and not assume what teachers or adults say is right and to do your own objective research from a variety of sources. I tried to get to them before the ‘be kind’ brigade did. But I was a Terf when they were toddlers. Yes some would say discussing the fact some school literature is incorrect at primary school is not age appropriate but I have never had a teacher speak to me about any of their behaviour. At the end of the day you can’t change sex and if schools teach them nonsense I needed to get there first.

Also being seen as a bigoted far right terf has led to some discussions about does it really matter what strangers think? These words are used to shame people and get them to shut up, it doesn’t mean they are right. They can now recognise when a peer tries to shame someone and that has made a huge difference to them recognising bullying and calling it out or ignoring it and supported a shamed friend by explaining what has happened and talking about how shame is used to silence us so many ways. Not everyone will like you and that’s fine.

Just to add I have an older adult child and her friends are very trans women are women - mainly after going to university. She’d be labelled a terf but doesn’t really talk about tran subject with her friends.

Similar here. My DD thought I should educate myself on the issue. I did and returned to the discussion as a TERF. I avoided the topic in house but my opinions were known. My DD saw tiktoks of young transwomen complaining about their 'periods' about the agony they were in and my DD was ranting a bit. 'what the fck would they know'. It was a pivotal moment.

I got in early with mine (smug). Posted this before but they did gender identity in pshe and dd said everyone should do what they want but girls need their own spaces. Dd is very popular and cool so can say what she wants. They did a vote and everyone else unanimously agreed (girls school). Dd was baffled as the middle aged teacher then started crying and said “I’m so proud of you girls”.

For me, the difference here is that I think "parent" is a verb - something you do. Whereas biological sex is a noun, something you are. Gender is, however, something you do, not something you are. I do it very badly, I have short hair and don't wear makeup and prefer comfortable shoes, and I'm not even a lesbian.

(Before anyone leaps on me for being stereotypical: I'm wryly quoting this. sex-matters.org/posts/updates/what-law-and-disorder-got-wrong-about-the-fws-judgment/)

I came to say this. My grandmother was racist. I vehemently disagreed with her and we just never talked about the issue.

Being gay = natural, so natural that animals can be homosexual (showing that it isn't based off of social trends). Requires no external validation. You don't need to do anything to BE gay but be SSA. Homophobia is purely based in stereotypes or one off bad experiences.

Racism = Purely based in stereotypes or one off bad experiences. Racism is rarely hurt feelings, it's often systematic oppression and violence. You need no external validation to be a race. You only need to exist.

Transphobia = Can be based off of stereotypes and one off bad experiences, but it's generally just acknowledging reality (only two sexes) or wanting people's emotions to be respected (same sex space debate).

There is nothing unique about transphobia -- everything they go thru is indistinguishable from homophobia and misogyny, barring that someone may look at them and not accept their gender identity. REQUIRES EXTERNAL VALIDATION. Requires surgeries and drugs. Requires constant consumption to fit into the mould of whatever you want to be. Often someone becomes trans because they don't fit a gender stereotype.

The difference, I believe, between gay people, black people and trans people is that gay and black people are not demanding anyone less rights. Unlike trans women who are demanding the rights of women and girls which I don’t believe they are entitled to. That is particularly bad given the difference in nature between biological men and biological women. It puts women and girls at risk and we lose the rights that we were given because we needed them. Trans men are slightly different, again because of the difference in nature between actual men and women. I hope this helps.

Shame that you can't be more understanding and empathetic for parents like myself, with children whom have basically been in a cult.

We have to watch everything we say, walking on matchsticks, welcoming her trans friends into our home.

In other words, being as false as shit.
If not we'll lose her.
So yes, I am angry and sad.

Kudos to you though, that it doesn't bother you at all.

No one has to allow people they don't like into their home. Just make up another reason.

When I was a teenager I had friends mum didn't like and wouldn't let me bring over. It's really not that unusual. No one is forcing you to be "false as shit".

My dad is a conspiracy theorist and Trump supporter. I just don't discuss tin foil hat shit with him and put a blanket back on talking politics with him because I love him and don't want to argue with him. Most people do this with people they love it's normal.

Good for you, but I think you're ignoring some of the comments on this thread where posters are having the same problems as myself.

It's not just me.
This is a very real problem. It's difficult to get someone to break away from a brainwashing cult.