My DD hates that I’m a TERF!

[TheLizardQueen]

My teenage DD says she is embarrassed of my GC views. I’ve tried to educate her on women’s spaces, women’s sports etc but she doesn’t agree with me and says I embarrass her with my views and not to expect her to want to spend time with me when she leaves home. I’m gutted but she will not change my mind. I’ve told her that my views are that a person cannot change sex but she has some trans friends and thinks that I hate trans people. I absolutely do not hate trans people but I do not think that TWAW and as such shouldn’t be welcome in women’s only spaces. Please help me navigate this. I fear that she will hate me because of my views but I cannot accept her views but I don’t want her to be embarrassed of me either 😕

@GuevarasBeret great idea!

My Dd is slowly coming round. She agrees with me re sport and I can tell she finds non binary people ridiculous, but the one time I mentioned JKR she got into a snit so I’ll leave that for when she’s matured a little. She played the ‘you’re being mean’ card, I told her that’s not an argument and she stormed off. We haven’t talked about it since. I was a sanctimonious teen, so I’m hopeful this will wear off eventually 🤞🏼.

It sounds like you are a bigot and she isn't. 🤷‍♀️

My DD late 20s, gets it but can’t admit it as all her friends from uni are TWAW, be kind etc. I still express my views to her, I hope gently enough for her to think about what I am saying. She is also aware that I have a trans friend, so can’t do the whole transphobia nonsense.
I had a massive falling with DS, early 30s, over this and we didn’t speak for about 6 months. It was horrific, so I dare not go there again. He continues to wave all sorts of multi colour flags on social media, and I continue to ignore them. He found his tribe along with Queer Theory at Oxbridge. He is so intelligent I can’t really follow what he is talking about, and don’t have the time or inclination to read Judith bloody Butler, so I suspect this secret dance of opposites will continue for some time. He is, of course, on the spectrum, and a scientist, How does this work? How can you sit there, working in a lab, doing serious sciencing and then believe in the hocus pocus of GI?
Mind Blown!

Bigot. Damn, I'm fresh out of TRA bingo cards

Is that you, teen DD?

It sounds like it’s past your bedtime.

Unless she is trans, does it matter that much? Can’t you just agree to disagree and forget about it. Couldn’t you discuss things that she finds less embarrassing like house prices or crime rates. There are plenty of other issues out there.

My kids are adults now and generally GC overall, one slightly less but again a gentle kind man, he is idealistic but does know other men aren't kind, gentle and that humans cant change sex, only their appearance cosmetically.

Although with teens, its their job to find parents embarrassing and be oppositional. It's part of the process towards breaking away from the protection of family. It's only in recent years young adults are treated like young children particularly on mn ( rightly or wrongly) and some need to break away earlier than others. Too embarrassed to be associated with parents? Crack on kids, how are you planning on supporting yourself? Put up or shut up kid, wind your neck in. If junior tries the 'I won't be around you when I leave' manipulative behaviour, I'd wind them up with 'great news!'

At 14 and 15, my DD was a full-on TRA...crying, arguing, etc. to try to get us to see her POV.

At 18, her eyes were opened and she became full-on TERF (she is now 22, and still a rad feminist terf).

She tells us that even though she fought against us, she's grateful that we didn't give an inch on gender woo woo. We didn't push her or start arguments w/ her, but we did laugh at silly things like 'cis' and that little kids will tell you their gender and you should honor it.

We're also on the left, so of course, this was a supposed contradiction. Apparently if you hate Trump, you must also think TWAW.

I agree with this. People are allowed to have different opinions and if a civilised discussion isn't possible then steer clear, it's not worth losing your child over. I say this as the liberal lefty parent of a Reform voter.

Let it go, let it go - I think you'll never convince her of anything because she's a teen and she's 1000% right and you're her mum and 1001% wrong.

I can just about remember being a teen🙄and I remember taking the most outrageously obviously blatantly wrong positions in arguments, just because they were the opposite of what my mam was saying!

We didn't argue much - 'children' didn't raise their voices to parents when I was a teen - but I am embarrassed now at the daft things I sometimes said just to be on the opposite side from my mother.

It was all forgiven and forgotten within 24 hours, and permanently relegated to the mists of time when I grew up

You're absolutely right of course, and you can come back here to have that confirmed any time, but as far as DD is concerned - let it go, let it go...
[sorry if I've now given you that song as an earworm!]

Oh I love that quote. So true.

Shes being incredibly disrespectful.
How old is she?

It's totally normal for teenage girls to disagree with their mothers. She might change her mind and come round to your way of thinking and she might not. This doesn't need to be a cause of conflict between the two of you.

she's a teen and she's 1000% right and you're her mum and 1001% wrong

This a thousand percent.

Why can’t you just stop discussing it with her? She probably finds you trying to ‘educate’ her patronising. She’s welcome to have her own views, as are you.

I disagreed with my mum on the same issues when I was a teen (I’m 24 now) so she may come around. It’s hard being that age as it’s almost like being in an echo chamber of the same views which won’t help your case. By the time I was an adult I was GC.

Gender is a social construct. Sex is real. If the transgender community wanted society to break down barriers based on gender I would be shoulder to shoulder with them. But the changes to policy, laws, healthcare, safeguard etc have provided time and time again that is not the case.

Honesty don't bother to try and scold me for not knowing. I've been learning and reading and discussing this for a very long time.

How often does this actually come up OP? If she has trans friends, just avoid the topic. She’ll interpret everything you say as an attack on her friends.

@Mumtobabyhavoc no I just believe in
biology

Fascinating discussion. As most parents have said - we're there to embarrass our kids for all sorts of reasons. But over this issue, children are openly being groomed to see parents as completely wrong. Wrong to believe that girls and women are entitled to boundaries from unknown men when undressing. Wrong to argue that women are entitled to woemn's sport free from men. Wrong to state that children are not born in the wrong body and that they shouldn't be put on a path to sterilisation, drugs and brutal surgery.

There's a reason that transactivism started with #nodebate. Parents stand in the way of transactivists being able to recruit children and young people to their cause. Once the lack of coherent, ethical arguments for transactivism are exposed, the whole thing falls apart. So the inexperienced, the young are recruited and told that not only are their parents wrong but they must be alienated, not spoken to, rejected. Their arguments are invalid and therefore not be heard. Parental alienation is a tool promoted by most of the trans lobby groups - just look at the comments upthread alleging the OP must be a bigot.

Extreme Communist states used the same techniques of recruiting the young to expose their parents for public punishment for thought crimes. This is no different.

It is possible to work through this with our children - but the level of pressure from frankly dodgy adults / groups makes it so much more difficult.

Mine roll their eyes at the “they /thems” and have no truck with it. It’s certain social groups that have gone all in. I think now it’s enthusiastically endorsed by certain teachers it will die a death.

Gender isn't real though.

@AccidentallyWesAnderson
@IllustratedDictionaryOfTheDoldrums
@WithSilverBells

Mocking is bullying. Doesn't help your cause and just shows you as intolerant. It's common behaviour, though.