Living as a woman

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

This is a thread for people to give examples of experiences which constitute "living as a woman".

I'll go first.

Peeing on a pregnant test and waiting anxiously to see whether a second line appears.

My rapists defence lawyer making me read out to the jury what I was wearing the night I was raped.. And then raising her eyebrows to me and asking.. Can you not see how that might be confusing for men?

Losing a condom and crouching on the bathroom floor with your fingers up your vagina, rooting around in your cervix and praying you manage to (a) find it and (b) pull it out, rather than having to get it seen to by the inevitably young, handsome, male doctor in A&E.

Then having to go and get the morning after pill.

lying in the bath, hugely pregnant, then putting in extra hot water and watching my stomach go all pointy because the (poor) baby was trying to escape the heat.

@Boiledbeetle the guidelines have recently changed

Having such painful periods I couldn't walk.

Having clients ask to speak to my boss if they disagreed with my decisions, while my male colleague never had this (brilliantly, my (male) boss used to tell them, "You'll need to speak to SidewaysOtter, it's her specialist area"!)

Being treated as lesser than your male siblings.

The hyper-vigilance at night/in isolated situations.

Becoming militantly pro choice overnight after a tearful, drunken heart to heart with my best friend, a couple of days after she terminated an accidental pregnancy in our final year of uni.

Drying your feet after a shower. Then having to do it again.

Realising that you're leaking milk on them every time you bend over.

Being at Greenham Common ❤️

What are you talking about?

You have completely misread the tone and purpose of this thread. No-one is making fun of people, where on earth are you getting that from? I can’t see a single comment that isn’t either a woman sharing an experience that was memorable for her, or someone else being supportive in response.

Women are sharing their experiences borne out of being female; sometimes women talk about these things.

Why do you have a problem with that?

The only sour note in this thread started from your initial post claiming the thread is making fun of others with no evidence at all. Are you paranoid?? Women talking about being female is not an attack on anyone.

If you don’t have anything nice to contribute, piss off.

Well of COURSE everything to do with women must centre transwomen as they are the most womeny women of all, as well as the most oppressed. Anything else is just us being big ol' meanies, hoarding our woman-ness and not sharing it etc. etc.

Being told I could only get a tubal ligation after having 3 kids despite being in my 30s and sure for years I would be one and done while my dh got his vasectomy in a nanosecond.

Even in the updated version you don't actually have to be on birth control to be on Topirimate.

"If you and your healthcare professional agree that there are compelling reasons that you are not at risk of becoming pregnant then you may not need to use contraception".

Literally counting down the hours to my 8 week ultrasound when I would find out whether it was 6th time lucky and my baby would have a heartbeat this time. (He did, and still does.)

Having to hold inside me since 17 the complex opposing feelings about my abortion. Feeling desperately grateful I didn't have to carry my rapist's baby yet forever scarred by the experience Unable to share my words with anyone lest they be taken and used to deny other women choice.

Being told online I'm a hateful bigot because my body reacts to unknown males and I ask, just occasionally, to be away from them.

Being fobbed off by Drs for 25 years for life impacting heavy and painful periods. Having to sit on bus coming back from school for several stops because I couldn’t stand up due to pain at my stop. Having to return home after 20 mins for flooding

my first visit to the dr at age 16 the medical advice was to have a baby then my periods would get better. It was only years later after taking photos of the clots was I eventually taken seriously by a Dr

My sister never wanted kids and was refused repeatedly

accidental pregnancy at 34 cause so much angst, agrivated existing complex mental health issues, she agonised over her decision then miscarried - the impact was huge - she never had to go through that!

she’s 59 and happily child free now

Some of the high points have already been mentioned and I would add Texting my friend the words ‘I’m a Mummy’ after years of infertility.

A low point, the wave of rage at the man who was staring at my daughter as he masturbated whilst we were on the tram. The sight of his scrotum and the sickening movements of his hand 🤮
The police response was ‘Oh he’s so old he’s probably got dementia.’ to which I said ‘He’s so old he’s probably got away with it for fifty years, and he wasn’t so demented that he didn’t know to get off the tram at the next station after I told him to stop doing that.’

My children are all grown up now, but my breasts still tingle when I hear a newborn baby's cry

Getting to wear makeup and skirts and having pillow fights…no wait actually:

periods.
fear of periods coming when wanting to be pregnant
fear of periods not coming when wanting to not be pregnant
sexual assault
fear of sexual assault
perimenopause
taking some faulty flat pack furniture back to homebase and having to wait for a man to check it really was faulty before getting a refund 🙄

Being told “I’m glad you’re a woman” when I call a patient into my room.
building a human being inside my uterus
feeding a human being for 6 months with my own body
mumsnet

Getting a restraining order against an older male for stalking me.

I'm so glad you finally got your precious baby.

Thank you. There's two of them now. ❤️

And my sister in law who also struggled has just told me that she is pregnant with her second.

Christ on a fucking bike. I’m so sorry.

Going to have to quit this thread now as it’s not doing my blood pressure or peace of mind any good.

Wishing a sisterly good night to all you amazing mean girls x

Being called "strident" when you feel strongly about something.
Being called "bossy" when you're trying to get a job done.
Being called "feisty" when ... pass the sick bag, please.
Being expected to laugh at middle age men's oh-so-hilarious wisecracks but getting blank stares when you come up with a piece of clever wordplay of your own.
Knowing that whenever you're in the company of an adult male your safety depends upon him choosing not to attack you.

Having to make calls to the police to log dodgy behaviour of men in case it escalates. The inconvenience of not being able to go back to the place where the behaviour happened for my own safety.

On the up side: sisterhood. Slightly-pissed and rather-inappropriate conversations in the pub about javelin arse during periods, the womanly camaraderie of LWS/WRN events and bloody good female friendships. And knowing that these are uniquely female things; these never ever include those who call themselves women.