Living as a woman

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

This is a thread for people to give examples of experiences which constitute "living as a woman".

I'll go first.

Peeing on a pregnant test and waiting anxiously to see whether a second line appears.

Nearly dying from an ectopic pregnancy when my 2 DC were toddlers.

Looking after my mother when she was dying - terrifying, grinding, draining - but realising that I was the latest of many generations of women who have sat watching through the night crying inside but comforting someone they love. I felt as if a thousand hands were beside mine during those nights, sisterhood across centuries and millennia. 💐and 💪and 😢to everyone who has posted.

Having to advocate vocally and forcefully for adequate medical care.

Realising having it all, actually means doing it all, not sharing it all equally.
Migraines.
Being expected to be happy and smile.
Being fucked over at work for having a child.
Being the only person in a house of men and boys that knows where anything is or goes.
Not being able to walk alone in certain places.

Being told that because you are honest you are not emotionally supportive and then being told that you’re always trying to fix things. I should just be kind - by non-binary person.

Waking up and wondering what dervish inhabits your body today. Who the fuck would aspire to that bunch of chemical reactions.

Amniocentesis - being stabbed in the stomach with a giant needle longer than a pencil.
...
Still hanging out laundry with my underwear behind other clothing so as not to attract attention or be stolen. My Mum did this too... and my Nan.
...
Being harrassed, leered at and wolf-whistled on the street since the age of fucking nine.

Oh, that's made me cry. My mum told me about when she sat at my Granny's side as she was dying and sang to her to comfort her.

sisterhood across centuries and millennia

I love that sentiment.

Oh sisterhood.

I have a good anecdote about that.

This one time, I got pissed in London after work and fell asleep in my burrito on the last train back to the sticks. I woke up just as the train was pulling out of my station at 1am and had to call my brother and ask him to pick me up from the next station.

Got off the train and was just wobbling towards the exit when a group of girls in their late teens jumped out at me from behind some bins. They yelled, "Aaaarggghh!", I yelled, "Aaaaaarrrghhh!" back, then they went, "Oh, SHIT, sorry, we thought you were our friend!"

So I pulled myself together and said in what my drunken self thought was a dignified tone, "It's alright, I probably did things like that when I was your age."

They squinted at me and then one of them said, "Huh, how old are you then?"

I replied, "I'm thirty-two."

They said, "NO!!!", their eyes wide with shock.

Then as I started to move towards the exit again, one of them said, "Wait! Don't go! Tell us all the things! What do you know now that you wish you'd known when you were our age?"

So I said, "Well...."

And fifteen minutes later my brother found me sitting on a bench on the station platform, guacamole all down my top, holding forth to a group of 18 year old girls about womanly things.

Being two weeks into a bleed following coil insertion, meaning I couldn’t be examined by my pelvic physio today (needed due to stress incontinence caused by two pregnancies and two vaginal births)

Thanks, don’t worry I told her very forcefully that as an educated woman she must feel like a complete dick to openly speak such idiotic sentence.

Being told at age 36 after my cancer biopsy that they had found stage 4 endometriosis (it was everywhere) as well. All this a couple of months after our wedding. Losing my fertility. Adopting a girl who as a teen has already been sexually assaulted and groomed.

Washing my breeches out in the public loos, having come on and flooded, whilst waiting for a bus to take me to our local stables

I felt as if a thousand hands were beside mine during those nights, sisterhood across centuries and millennia.

This is beautiful. I really want to embroider the last 5 words on a cushion

Love this. Not the loss obvs, but such a powerful sentiment.

Seeing the young males that I trained shoot past me on our career trajectory

I can’t imagine the horror of that, I’m so sorry.

Having a condom break and crying because I was terrified I’d get pregnant and I didn’t want a baby at 16. Having a terrible first pregnancy which resulted in the need for a nephrostomy and a wee bag strapped to my leg for 4 months because I have a bicornuate uterus and my (now 23 year old) son was lying in such a position that he was crushing my ureter and causing my kidney to fill up.

Unexpectedly having my period on my wedding day and hoping that my San pro, 2 pairs of period pants, 2 pairs of tights and underskirt stop the risk of any accidents on my beautiful wedding dress

Not doing things a man would take for granted like walking home alone after dark, not drinking alone in a pub, Drs refusing to sterilize you because you'll change your mind about wanting babies, not using a toilet if the door doesn't lock properly _ all things based on trying to protect yourself from harm.

We need a better system of reactions on here - we only have thanks, agree and love.

There are so many posts I want to react to, but not with thanks, agree or love, and if I quote them all this thread would fill up with page after page of my quotes.

So to all of you, here are and anything else you feel in need of.

(BTW why is there a emoji?? But if anyone wants one of those, be my guest!)

Being groped outside a bus station by a group of young fellas. I was 13/14 but my body was very mature for my age.

I hadn't a clue what to do with that however, I had no sexual desires at all at that age.

I just remember that I had really liked the outfit I'd had on that day. Not that it was revealing or anything, far from it, but I'd liked how I looked. But after it happened all I felt was shame.

Yes, I find I am using the heart to mean anything from "I love that, so funny!" to "I'm sorry that happened to you, sending you love".

These are such powerful posts, all of them, every single one. I have been so moved reading these universal experiences placed so carefully and thoughtfully before, alongside, across, on top of…. This isn’t a thread, or a list - it’s a wall, a rampart, a defence against flippant crassness from people who can never share our pain and glory 💪💪

Leaking bodily fluids - milk, blood - and it just being perfectly normal.

The thing that strikes me about these posts is that these experiences are so detached from anything that could be described as identity.

I thought I was the only one called every time but the school even though I wrote down in capital letters to ring my DH first as he works close from the school and I don't.
They keep ignoring this. It's infuriating.