Request to share pronouns

[Paulettamcgee]

I feel this question has been asked and answered to death but.....

I've always ignored any request to share my pronouns. I'll introduce my name and role and happily hand over to the next person. I'm fine if someone else wishes to share their pronouns but I do not wish to do so.

I'm very senior at work in an organisation which has a lot of colleagues under the age of 30 ( I think that's relevant as I notice it is younger people who are more keen that pronouns are shared). Generally every introduction in my workplace included sharing pronouns along with your name and role.

I've received some feedback that I should be sharing my pronouns when introducing myself. Especially as a senior leader as it is meaningful for many colleagues and sets the tone for meetings. I don't need to respond to this feedback individually but there is a meeting on Wednesday where it will be expected I share my pronouns when introducing myself. I can foresee not sharing may become problematic.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to. I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs.

How do I navigate this?? All help gratefully received.

Could you say something flippant? 'Any are fine'? I imagine when given the choice, pretty much everyone will revert to the pronouns associated with your sex.

If you're not comfortable with that, say so? Presumably people will assume some sort of gender distress but it'd put the issue to bed.

You say "I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs."

By the same token, by sharing them, even though you don't want to you could be encouraging an environment where others who feel like you but are more junior will be reluctant to step out of line and decline to share theirs.

I’d just say that as they can tell, you’re female but if they are more comfortable sharing their pronouns then please do.

"Hi, I'm @Paulettamcgee, and I don't have any...err...special pronouns."

Ooh be problematic I say!

A university (I think Liverpool) recently announced that asking someone to share their pronouns is transphobic, because you might be outing them. You could mention this to the person who gave you feedback (try not to laugh) and see if that shuts them up.

On a serious note, are you just assuming they would feel like that?

You may have received feedback but has anyone actually said why they think you should be sharing your pronouns?

"I don't do pronouns. I'm sane and don't belief in gibberish. Being asked to share them as a compulsory thing isn't very welcoming or accepting. Take me to an employment tribunal and we can discuss it further there."

I’m Pauletta, I think my colleagues usually use she/her.

"I'm Pauletta, Senior Principal Whatsit, and I'm sure you're all intelligent enough to guess my pronouns!" Said with a big smile.

I wonder where the feedback was from.

Tbh if my boss sat me down face to face and said 'you need to do this for team cohesion' I probably would. I'm not that brave and I still need a job.

If it were a colleague at the same level I'd just ignore it, which is what I've done so far.

I like @myplace's version...

It is explicitly banned in the Yogyakarta principles to require pronouns to be declared, so I always say I follow the Yogyakarta Principles and view demanding pronouns to be unacceptable as it might force someone to out themselves before they are ready.

I suspect the feedback is from an extremely small minority (maybe of 1) and there is a growing silent majority who do not want to share their pronouns. The more senior people who cave in the more difficult it is for junior people to stick to their principles. Just keep ignoring the feedback and don't proffer pronouns. If HR/your boss pulls you up be ready to very calmly and non-confrontationally say that you don't feel comfortable with pronouns.

The best response I've seen on here was something along the lines of "I'm gender free and I don't have preferred pronouns. My sex is female so if you want to use she and her, that's fine". Luckily not had to use this yet myself because it's unlikely I would be able to keep a straight face.

Tbh I would probably just not share pronouns. If you ever get some in person pushback I'd say that plenty of people are setting the example of sharing pronouns so you will go the other way and leave it open for others to decide not to share their pronouns if they don't feel comfortable doing so (for whatever reason).

Just share your pronouns. It takes two seconds, causes you no harm and may make someone else’s day easier.
Not everything has to be a battle.

I would say:

"My name is Herberty. I don't share pronouns as I am open to anyone using any pronoun they feel comfortable with when addressing me. No pressure on anyone - please just do what suits you and let's put all our energy into this meeting"

If I was having a bad day, I would say it is bleeding obvious and I won't insult your intelligence ...

Why and how does it make someone's day easier?

I would say thee/thou - because if I’m allowed to be that fussy then I would genuinely like the antiquated feel of those

Except it does cause harm.

We've been through this before.

It's not a neutral act.

Who gave you the feedback? I would address this with them before the meeting and state that putting any pressure on anyone to announce pronouns creates multiple risks, including making someone grappling with gender identity issues uncomfortable, and creating a hostile environment for someone with gender critical beliefs (a protected characteristic).

Do not make a joke of it in the meeting, or make any remark that indicates you believe in the cis/trans/pronouns nonsense if you personally don't subscribe to it. Even acknowledging preferred pronouns are a thing is to bow down to the gender borg and I will never, ever capitulate.

You and your senior peers set the tone. It’s important for staff who want to share their pronouns to see that that is acceptable and included, and likewise for those who don’t want to (which could be for a whole range of reasons) to see that that’s acceptable too. It’s important that the senior staff not just talk diversity but to model it.

I think that’s an effective line, as well as being the right one.

Reasons staff may not want to share include trans staff who don’t want to out themselves (Yogyakarta), and gender critical staff who have a legally protected rights too. You feel that both from an inclusivity and a legal risk perspective, yours is the appropriate path.

But what about those who don't want to share? Surely the name you wish to be called and your role is enough?

Then people should stop forcing other people to share their pronouns? That might make someone's day easier. Not everything needs to be a battle.

Announce them if you want, don't if you don't want.