Request to share pronouns

[Paulettamcgee]

I feel this question has been asked and answered to death but.....

I've always ignored any request to share my pronouns. I'll introduce my name and role and happily hand over to the next person. I'm fine if someone else wishes to share their pronouns but I do not wish to do so.

I'm very senior at work in an organisation which has a lot of colleagues under the age of 30 ( I think that's relevant as I notice it is younger people who are more keen that pronouns are shared). Generally every introduction in my workplace included sharing pronouns along with your name and role.

I've received some feedback that I should be sharing my pronouns when introducing myself. Especially as a senior leader as it is meaningful for many colleagues and sets the tone for meetings. I don't need to respond to this feedback individually but there is a meeting on Wednesday where it will be expected I share my pronouns when introducing myself. I can foresee not sharing may become problematic.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to. I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs.

How do I navigate this?? All help gratefully received.

That is a very good response. It signals that everyone can do as they please and is truly inclusive.

Offer to share your star sign. It's just as personal. Can be worked out by others regardless how you "feel". And is also a load of total wank.

Again, I am frustrated I've not been asked.

Why would someone’s pronouns not be obvious?

If you feel compelled to share (which I think is actually illegal), you could always say something like ' my name is Susan, and my pronouns are I and me' ?

I just say I don't do that when asked and try not to add because it's absolute bollocks.
I'm a grumpy 63 year old snd try sacking me for it. Just try.
They've given up now.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to.

It sounds like you know what the way forward it - don’t share your pronouns.

I can’t actually imagine what working somewhere like you do would be like but I would try not to stress about it.

Just reply and say you've given it thought and the choice you feel comfortable with is not to do it. Your comfort matters too.

In the work meeting context your sex should be irrelevant, likewise your gender identity (if you had one.) Your choice not to in no way impacts on anyone else's, just as wether or not you eat meat at lunch time, or use the prayer room should alter what anyone else does.

I'd love it if more people said "I'm...and my pronouns are irrelevant" so it wouldn't make me less comfortable in meetings.

Failing that try saying "I find this request deeply triggering, please don't ask me again." I'm only partly in jest with that suggestion.

Pronouns take the place of nouns in sentences, so if you're Jane, then when discussing or talking to you, people don't have to keep saying "Jane."
For example - Jane is the case worker. You can ask her for the documents. She has filed them. OR I am Jane.

She/Her/I are all pronouns. They're not gibberish.

If you don't want to use pronouns then you'll be referred to as "Jane" consistently.

I don't understand why it's problematic.

I'm Donna and you can use sex based pronouns for me.

That's what I would say. If pushed I would say I don't have a gender.

I really just would ignore it tbh.

John: "Hi, I'm. John, he/him, I'm in charge of the squirrels"
Sally" hey, I'm sally, she/her, im in charge of the doughnuts"
OP: "Hello I'm Brenda, I am the person who presses the big red button".
Charlie: "I'm Charlie, he/him chief of colouring in"

I never understand the hand wringing over this. I’m NOT senior and I ignore this request. I’d just say “no, I won’t be doing that”. And then I’d sack the person asking me.

I have previously said "I don't have preferred pronouns, please feel free to use what comes naturally to you".

I do admire people who are more direct and was prepared to answer further questions but I felt the above was truthful and more appropriate for a big meeting.

Pronouns in English are sex-specific. They have set meanings. They’re not a preference, not a choice.

The concept of “preferred pronouns” is gibberish.

Lol. It's not problematic using pronouns in speech as an adult (little children can get them wrong though). It's the compelled aspect of demanding that every body seriously intones what is bloody obvious from the moment someone opens their mouth.
It's all part of an attempt to refashion society, to undermine facts and reality and to frame others as somehow bigoted for refusing to participate.

I can guarantee that if religious folk started demanding that every workplace meeting started with a prayer or demanded that everyone makes the sign of the cross or says "peace be upon him" when mentioning a prophet's name, people would protest. Others are entitled to their religious beliefs but not to compel others to follow.

Same issue with pronouns and gender beliefs.Pronoun away if that's what makes you happy. But don't compel the rest of us to comply with your belief.

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, I was hoping that the 'pronouns' thing had faded away a bit.

Two thoughts: I'd either say nothing, or if I had to respond to the feedback, I'd say something light and fairly neutral like 'just the standard pronouns will do fine thanks'.
Or up the ante a bit with a more formal 'the standard pronouns are sufficient in a work environment'.

I would not say 'but feel free to use whatever pronouns etc.' because I agree with other posters that setting the tone is important, and as someone in a senior position you can set the tone that pronouns other than those used in everyday life are not only unnecessary, but controversial.

Obviously people will insist on announcing theirs, and I'm not suggesting they be stopped from doing so, but it shouldn't be encouraged in a professional environment where people should bring their professional self, not their 'whole' self, to work.

Shhh 🤫 The grown ups are talking now…

Pronouns are there to make speech flow more smoothly. Trying to remember everyone's preferred pronouns has the opposite effect.
The idea that the pronouns used when referring to someone belong to the person being referred to is gibberish.

I just say, sex based like my oppression! And I'm pretty sure I got that from some wise mumsnetter, on this very board. They don't bother asking me now.

We recently had to use a shared invite list at work for an event. There was a column for pronouns. None for title. I just put in Mr/Mrs/Dr/Ms etc.

Like not exactly helpful when doing an invitation to know the pronoun for when you are not actually addressing someone directly is it? Honestly, I just can't be bothered dealing with children anymore.

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, I was hoping that the 'pronouns' thing had faded away a bit.

Sometimes fires burn brightest just before they die. Maybe it's the same with bullshit ? After all, dried bovine excrement is excellent fuel. Be a shame to waste it

Ive been in your position. When pushed i just say 'I dont do that' regards pronouns, and move swiftly on. I can feel the tension and sideways glances but I ignore. Ive been doing it for years now and it has worked. Ive never been quizzed further but Im ready for it. I would just say, 'Im obviously female but people can call me the pronouns THEY see fit'. But ive never had to say it - quite disappointingly cos im ready lol.

If I was asked in front of other people, I would say 'My name is X, I don't mind what anyone calls me as long as it is suitable for a work environment' with a big smile to put an end to the matter.

If I was asked in private I would say 'I feel this has become a mechanism of signalling adherence to a belief system that I do not share. I feel that rather than making everyone feel comfortable, it sows more discord because I know there are people who feel like me, and probably some people who take the exact opposite view. I am sure you would not expect me to declare my adherence to a religion I did not share, but neither would I expect to be put in the position where I had to say whether or not I had a religion, particularly if there may be a strong feeling that there is a 'right' answer to that question.

In addition, I think it puts women at a particular disadvantage. We know there are issues with female representation at higher ranks. Studies have shown that people respond less positively to female names on CVs. So I think there is a distinct possibility that reminding people forcibly that I am female multiple times will be to my disadvantage.'

Could you act faux naive and say something like ‘Oh I’m biologically female so I guess my pronouns would be she/her”

Which answers the question (kind of) but also shows you are using sex rather than gender identify as the rationale for your answer.

I'm not seriously recommending this but if you want to make the DEI types' heads explode, ask them whether sharing pronouns is a "microaggression".

Because as far as I know there is nothing that can't be seen as a microaggression by someone.

To the person who suggested this to you, OP, say, 'I don't wish to out myself. How do you suggest I handle this?'

Ball firmly back in their court