Request to share pronouns

[Paulettamcgee]

I feel this question has been asked and answered to death but.....

I've always ignored any request to share my pronouns. I'll introduce my name and role and happily hand over to the next person. I'm fine if someone else wishes to share their pronouns but I do not wish to do so.

I'm very senior at work in an organisation which has a lot of colleagues under the age of 30 ( I think that's relevant as I notice it is younger people who are more keen that pronouns are shared). Generally every introduction in my workplace included sharing pronouns along with your name and role.

I've received some feedback that I should be sharing my pronouns when introducing myself. Especially as a senior leader as it is meaningful for many colleagues and sets the tone for meetings. I don't need to respond to this feedback individually but there is a meeting on Wednesday where it will be expected I share my pronouns when introducing myself. I can foresee not sharing may become problematic.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to. I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs.

How do I navigate this?? All help gratefully received.

1. introduce yourself without pronouns

2. If they mention it, distractedly say something like “Oh…just as you’d expect” then look at the next person expectantly

3. if they still push you is break into a “Actually, it’s quite good this has been brought up as I feel it’s important for everyone to not feel they have to announce their pronouns? As I’m sure you’re aware, the Yokkotara (sp?) Principles say our trans employees may not be at the stage of divulging their pronouns and we want to be as inclusive and understanding as possible. Could we maybe look at introducing a policy of asking “…and please share your pronouns if you feel comfortable doing so..”? I just feel that would be more inclusive…”

Something like that. Use their ideology against them. They’d have to basically agree to putting trans people to deny your request.

Also, you said the feedback was about senior leadership. Does that mean the juniors were complaining about you all not using pronouns???

Also, you said the feedback was about senior leadership. Does that mean the juniors were complaining about you all not using pronouns???

The meeting in question, I was the only member of SLT who didn't share their pronouns. I know the team the feedback came from but not the individual. And to be honest, the specific individual doesn't matter. I haven't attended a single meeting be it a group meeting or a one on one meeting where pronouns are not stated. I really do think it comes from a be kind and inclusive mindset but it's exhausting actively needing to circumvent overtime.

Once I'm a bit more into the role, I may start some conversations about what inclusivity really means.

I almost entirely agree, but your last point doesn't make sense to me: "Anita did a wonderful job leading the transitioning project, and I would like us to formally recognise her contribution." It is possible to get round the nigh-on automatic third person pronoun, but not all of us can do that in a natural-sounding way.

I think you should ignore the request, by not sharing pronouns you have the opportunity to be a good role model for more junior staff who may feel more pressure to join in with this nonsense. Be a leader.

Why? Would you force a transperson to share their pronouns against their will? Isn't this the equivalent of outing a gay person before they're ready?

Actually as a newcomer you might be in a stronger position to challenge this than if you wait. You are still bringing bright and shiny new ideas from other organisations, a breath of fresh air to stir up the stuffy preconceptions about how "inclusion" works that they've been passing round each other.

Off topic, but do you have vacancies? Sounds like my kind of workplace! 🐿️

and it might make other people's lives much harder

They may not be ready to share their new pronouns and will feel pushed and bullied either into outing themself when they are not ready, or sharing pronouns they no longer wish to use. Be kind, please, and think of others.

OP, in the past when asked to share pronouns i just gave a bit of a blank stair and shrugged. Would that work?

oh poop. Delete "stair" add "stare"

thanks

I haven't attended a single meeting be it a group meeting or a one on one meeting where pronouns are not stated.

God how exhausting - it must waste so much time. I'd be asleep before the meeting had got round to the main topic of discussion. I have a terrible memory and it's bad enough trying to remember names, there's no chance of me remembering pronouns, especially if some people change theirs regularly. If put in such a spot I will claim memory problems and discrimination on grounds of my disability.

Excellent!!

See I would want to be facetious and say very seriously "My pronouns are him/she" just to confuse the idiots that insist you state the bleeding obvious.

All I want to add is: please don't let what you say include the word "sorry", unless you actually are sorry about something (and it's not at all clear to me what you'd be sorry about). It's part of female socialisation that we do that - apologise reflexively any time we're aware that we're not meeting everyone's expectations, regardless of how unreasonable the expectations may be - and it's harmful, I suggest. Whilst a genuine apology can be a powerful leadership tool, this reflex "sorry" is quite the opposite.

(Sorry, genuinely, if someone has already made this point and I missed it!)

This is the perfect example of gibberish.

Pronouns are in the eye of the beholder and some people are just going to have to accept that.

No.

I suspect whoever complained last time will be watching and do it again. Have you discussed it as an SLT? Also many valid points already but I would throw a different topic in like accessibility or neurodiversity in the workplace you could speak on instead to try and divert the focus on inclusivity to other areas.

@RareGoalsVerge suggestion was really good.

Coming from another company, you could also mention that other companies are moving away from the practice of sharing pronouns to ensure that no one feels pressured to share sensitive personal information and to ensure that the company culture remains truly inclusive.

If your job is to do with risk and compliance you could also mention that there have been a number of high profile employment law cases which highlighted that companies must maintain a neutral stance on controversial issues such as gender ideology to avoid claims of religion or belief discrimination.

For pronouns I use first person singular (only been able to use once but got a laugh!)

No

My pronouns are Bitch/Queen

Indeed - they're actually quite a dull thing, and nothing to get excited about at all; but they are already prescribed in their use, if you speak the English language.

If, instead of pronouns, we were talking about (equally dull) prepositions... you couldn't just start referring to putting paperwork in the table, or raising an issue under the upcoming meeting, or some information above your company website - and expect people to actually understand without any hesitation what you were trying to communicate to them.

Why only confirm your pronouns; why stop there? Why not introduce yourself as human, or as white, or as 5'2" tall? After all, if somebody just assumed/observed these things about you - when you actually identify as a green hamster that's as tall as the Eiffel Tower - that's going to be equally awkward, upsetting and disrespectful too, isn't it? Surely it's just an obvious, simple kindness to tell people absolutely every single fact about yourself - however obvious or easily presumable - when you introduce yourself?

My name is Artemisia. My pronouns are obvious to most people. But if you get it wrong I don’t mind.

Also, when in conversation, why would I say she/her or he/him when speaking to the person in front of me? Surely I’ll be using I/we/they/me/you/my/your etc? They are gender non-specific?

Please please PLEASE don't keep recommending quoting the Yogyakarta Principles, or I will have to dig out my previous "Why quoting the YPs is a really really REALLY bad idea" posts again!

The short version goes something like this: The "Yogyakarta Principles" (especially the more recent version, but the originals were bad enough) are as dodgy as fuck and absolutely terrible for women's rights; even one of the guys who helped write them later realised and admitted this. So why the flip would you advertise them to people, and encourage them to follow them, all like "Hey guys, there's these great Yogyakarta Principles which say we should be doing X/shouldn't do Y", when you should be running a MILE from them/denying they ever existed/burying them under the patio?

Agree completely @ahagwearsapointybonnet. I don’t want the YP anywhere near my workplace, thank you.