Request to share pronouns

[Paulettamcgee]

I feel this question has been asked and answered to death but.....

I've always ignored any request to share my pronouns. I'll introduce my name and role and happily hand over to the next person. I'm fine if someone else wishes to share their pronouns but I do not wish to do so.

I'm very senior at work in an organisation which has a lot of colleagues under the age of 30 ( I think that's relevant as I notice it is younger people who are more keen that pronouns are shared). Generally every introduction in my workplace included sharing pronouns along with your name and role.

I've received some feedback that I should be sharing my pronouns when introducing myself. Especially as a senior leader as it is meaningful for many colleagues and sets the tone for meetings. I don't need to respond to this feedback individually but there is a meeting on Wednesday where it will be expected I share my pronouns when introducing myself. I can foresee not sharing may become problematic.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to. I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs.

How do I navigate this?? All help gratefully received.

There is abundant evidence that women still face sex discrimination in the workplace and work-related activities (e.g. publication/dissemination of reports) and thus anything which makes sex more salient in a work environment - such as sharing pronouns in meetings or email signatures - disadvantages women. Sex (and gender) should almost always be irrelevant in work contexts and placing additional emphasis on sex is runs counter to a commitment to equality.

Worth repeating.

I actually thought of that ages ago.

They're effectively asking people to 'out' themselves when they may not be out.

Trying to think if I've seen anyone put their sexual orientation in their email signature. They're missing a trick there.

No, because it's not relevant to anything.

Like gender identity.

Unlike sex.

Perhaps slightly off topic but at work today (NHS hospital) I read the weekly staff newsletter which asked that we all update our email addresses in the approved corporate manner. A link was provided to an approved example with instructions for creating your own in the style. I naturally clicked on the link, curious to see if pronouns or other logos with a meaning were now to be compulsory.
Well it is a completely plain and unembellished style.

First name Surname
Job Title
Department
XXX NHS Foundation Trust
Address
Telephone

Link to website

Hospital logo

I’m intrigued. Gone are the rainbows. 🌈
No pronouns.
It was just two or three years ago the CEO exhorted us all to add our pronouns, issuing a video link of her explaining why it was important. Not many people joined in. I expect most of HR did but as I rarely have email communications with them I didn’t see. There were one or two. Quite a few people had added a little rainbow under their details.
Now It’s all gone. Feels like a welcome return to common sense may be around the corner.

That is really interesting Fanny. I wonder how many will follow suit.

I’d say ‘people can apply regular sex based pronouns to me. I don’t subscribe to gender ideology’. Sets your stall out but also you are kind of following the social script so won’t feel awkward?

I haven’t been in this situation myself yet (thank goodness) but in theory I like the response: “I’m not stating pronouns. It’s for personal reasons that I’m not comfortable sharing in a group/ public setting”.

Doesn’t disclose anything, is accurate but neutral and makes it difficult for anyone to pursue the issue further without sounding like a dick.

No, because I am neither, but I have discussed the differences between Jewish and Catholic atheism. (Not entirely seriously and I don't remember, before you ask.)

But you are right that the difference between the two kinds of atheism is small while being an atheist is very different from believing in God.

The trouble with your example is that there are some big differences between men and women but not between binary and non-binary. There don't really seem to be any differences at all that anyone can articulate. Or if there are, what are these differences? If there are no real differences then I don't need to know if you're non-binary and I don't need to treat you any differently from someone who doesn't say they are non-binary. If you want special pronouns because you believe non-binary people deserve to be called something special, well really? There are not enough eye-rolls in the world for that.

Irrelevant comparison

Sex is binary, immutable, not chosen by the individual

Therefore non-binary doesn’t exist

Atheists / Catholics / Protestants / Jews / Muslims / Hindus / etc - all religions are a choice by the individual, infinite in options and changeable at any point - so no comparison

It doesn't make a junior colleague who doesn't want to share pronouns feel any easier.

At our work place it's made completely clear that sharing pronouns is voluntary. Quite a few people do state them so it doesn't seem to bother them at all that not everyone does.

The level of entitlement in that piece is utterly insane.

A "friend" that had that level of narcissism is unlikely to be a friend that will offer you much in return.

I've had a colleague who used he/him despite making no effort to look "male" whatsoever.

They left a while ago but have now returned (looking even more female) and I've been trying to squint at their array of badges to see if they still go by "he/him" or have switched to something else!

Agree!
I would say ‘I use pronouns based on sex not gender’

Meetings so far have been fine. I continue to not introduce with my pronouns and smile/nod when someone shares theirs.

We'll see what happens. I've seen the written feedback, no-one has raised anything with me verbally.

I make a point of having very serious and somber conversations with DEI leaders, stating that I’m sure I don’t need to point out to them, of all people, why many people don’t want to include pronouns in their bio or announce this at meetings. I highlight how important it is to prevent harmful and false messaging that this signals a lack of allyship with trans people. I then ask them what their strategy is to support trans people where there is risk of misunderstanding. This tends to knock the wind ftom
their sails.