Request to share pronouns

[Paulettamcgee]

I feel this question has been asked and answered to death but.....

I've always ignored any request to share my pronouns. I'll introduce my name and role and happily hand over to the next person. I'm fine if someone else wishes to share their pronouns but I do not wish to do so.

I'm very senior at work in an organisation which has a lot of colleagues under the age of 30 ( I think that's relevant as I notice it is younger people who are more keen that pronouns are shared). Generally every introduction in my workplace included sharing pronouns along with your name and role.

I've received some feedback that I should be sharing my pronouns when introducing myself. Especially as a senior leader as it is meaningful for many colleagues and sets the tone for meetings. I don't need to respond to this feedback individually but there is a meeting on Wednesday where it will be expected I share my pronouns when introducing myself. I can foresee not sharing may become problematic.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to. I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs.

How do I navigate this?? All help gratefully received.

Ignore the request.

Unless it's from your manager and is presented as a disciplinary issue, I'd continue to ignore it. This is what compelled speech in the workplace looks like.

Forcing you to sign up the Gender Identity as a principle when you're not a believer. This isn't about using individual pronouns about others. This is demanding that you present yourself in a particular way to suit other people's prejudices / issues / demands.

Just use your name and if challenged have a response ready that suits you. Mine is "I don't do compelled speech" but in the workplace maybe "I'm sure you can work them out" or something casual.

Really? Is it so difficult to understand? If someone’s pronouns are not obvious, then it makes their life easier if everyone just routinely shares.

'I've received some feedback that I should be sharing my pronouns when introducing myself. Especially as a senior leader as it is meaningful for many colleagues and sets the tone for meetings will make it harder for others to not kowtow to the ideology.'

A friend faced with a similar "request" (i.e an instruction dressed up as a suggestion) offered to share their cycle dates instead. Using the logic that (a) it was just as intrusive as pronouns and (b) should answer any questions about their sex, gender or ability to conceive. That seemed to put a stop to that.

Really.

Forced pronouns do harm.

How did we ever cope before we invented this pronoun nonsense?

Given that you are a senior member of staff I would go with something like,
'personally I don't feel it's necessary, but anyone who feels it is, is obviously free to do so.'

I would reply to the person requesting this and say you have no pronouns for reasons you don't have to disclose, but you are requesting that you are addressed correctly otherwise it will be LITERAL VIOLENCE and send a link to this to assist them

What do you do when someone doesn’t use any pronouns? - PFLAG

🙄

Trans or gender questioning people may not want to feel pressure to declare their gender identity publicly. And both gender ideology believers and doubters have a right not to work in an environment that is hostile to them on the basis of their protected beliefs.

Both reasons are valid and important, and the latter is a legal requirement.

It harms the whole of society to indulge this absolute nonsense.

It starts with, "Hi, my name is Claire and my pronouns are she/her" and before you know it it's, "She exposed her penis and used wheelie bin as sex toy in public," and, "Lia Thomas has asked a Swiss sports court to overturn rules imposed by World Aquatics that stop her competing in elite women's races."

Both the bin shagger and Lia Thomas are men, for the avoidance of doubt.

I’m fed up of this. I just ignore it when asked. Haven’t been challenged but they probably think I’m being a dumb blonde and forgetting. Not been challenged outright yet.

How do you know it will make colleagues feel at ease? How does your colleague who asked for this know that? Sharing pronouns makes some employees feel deeply uneasy. Whether it's because they are gender critical, or because they don't want to come out as trans right then by stating pronouns that don't match their sex. Or what if a colleague is a parent who's struggling with a "trans child" at home and would rather ignore pronouns and get on with their day at work? Or they're a detransitioner?

I would say to the colleague: "Some people like to share pronouns, some people don't. It's an individual decision. As a leader I wouldn't want to create an atmosphere where people felt they were under pressure about pronouns. And we could easily find ourselves on the wrong end of a discrimination case if we did."

And I would say nothing about my pronouns in the meeting and if challenged say something like what Herberty suggested and move on.

Yes, it really is difficult to understand, why would someone's pronouns not be obvious? I have never once had an instance in a workplace where it isn't blindingly obvious, have you?

Try going formal. My role is Senior xxx, My name is Ms/Miss/Mrs McGee and I’d like to be addressed that way please.

Whilst I have seen an email sign off along the lines of - Mrs Boot, Senior bossy boots, pronouns She/Her imo a title such as Miss/Ms/Mrs trumps pronouns as being obviously female rendering pronouns redundant.

A stern demand for formality should put the pronoun police in their box for a bit.

It's not the point.

Shall we just make everyone declare their sexualities too?

@GenderRealistBloke - you make a fair point that I hadn’t considered.

And their political allegiances.

I refuse to share pronouns. If ever asked i say that research has shown use of pronouns in the workplace is detrimental to women's professional status. I've never been asked for the research which is lucky as it is out there but I've no idea now what it was called.

Just say that “your” pronouns are as per the rules of the English language. After all, that’s what all “their” pronouns are as well, whatever they might think.

(People don’t own pronouns, hence the scare quotes.)

Not really.

That person's sexuality isn't obvious, they ABSOLUTELY MUST share their preferences.

It's quite concerning that out of the many points people have made the only one you seem to care about is the one that might be negative for trans people.

"Pronouns are so 2018. We should get down with the kids of Gen Alpha who are rejecting this nonsense in 2025 and welcome them into the workplace too".

No, thank you.

I really like this. I haven’t heard of it before so off to google more…

Well they are THE most marginalised, victimised and every other -ised on the planet you know, how can you have possibly forgotten that?? It could be LITERAL genocide to get it wrong 😉