BBC series I Kissed a Boy decision "homophobic in the extreme" - LGB Alliance

[IwantToRetire]

We have written to Tim Davie, Director-General of the BBC, about the homophobia displayed in the casting of a trans identified female in their upcoming series of ‘I Kissed A Boy’.

By doing this they are telling young gay men watching the show that they must be attracted to women who are pretending to be male. This is regressive, insulting and ‘homophobic in the extreme.’

Read our letter here:

https://lgballiance.org.uk/bbc-series-homophobic-in-the-extreme/

(Sorry cant find a version of the letter that isn't text via a graphic.)

There’s a heartbreaking tweet thread from a gay man about it:

https://nitter.net/adammcarter/status/1919487161990095289#m

(hope that link works!)

Kind of helpful for awareness raising though. About time men were inconvenienced for once.

It would be bloody TYPICAL if this was the thing that peaked loads of gay men...despite lesbians and straight women allies saying this for years.

There was a trans woman on Love At First Sight (I don't watch it but my daughter does). Channel 4. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-66818092.amp

It's absolutely horrible. As well as the homophobic message it sends out, it puts everyone on the show in an incredibly awkward position including the TM - they are going to have to not look like they're avoiding the female and the TM will be really vulnerable. It also make trans the focus of the whole thing (yet again) as the basis for it all is that everyone has to go along with it and they'll be stigmatised if they don't.

I saw a Mr Menno video about it and you could tell he was really angry. He's normally just witty and satirical, but he was fuming.

Was that this one? Wonder if it will result in the same catastrophy?

After the reality show was wrapped up, Tom rejected the £10,000 prize money he had won and launched a legal battle alongside his fellow contestants.

They alleged conspiracy to commit sexual assault, defamation, breach of contract, and personal injury in the form of psychological and emotional damage and ultimately settled for an undisclosed amount.

And later the probably suicide of the TW who took part https://www.ladbible.com/entertainment/tv/miriam-rivera-something-about-miriam-sky-channel-4-doc-476440-20240501

I thought tv series makers had all been made aware they have a duty of care.

That's a different one. In MAFS, the groom was apparently told that he was being matched with a trans woman and agreed to proceed, though this only came out afterwards. People actually watching the show didn't know this at the time.

I'm just posting this here as was worried if I created a thread with this title might lead to negative impact on group. (Or am I being over cautious).

There is now a Lesbian Trans Widows group on facebook. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1089397153022615/

There’s Something About Miriam was in 2004ish. There was a documentary about it last year. I’ve seen the whole series, you can access it on the Rumble platform. It’s quite something.

I watch MAFS (one of my cringey pleasures). The groom was a queer pansexual type and when things went pear shaped with Ella, they both left the programme but Ella came back in paired up with a another former contestant who was a very laddish Essex lad type. It didn't convince anyone really because there was no physical stuff from the get go and the Essex lad always looked uncomfortable and used excuses like not feeling ready to be intimate and so on. It was clearly very set up by the producers. He ended up dating Katie Price after the show.

I've noted that mainstream TV reality shows have started including TIMs in female dating contexts (Shane from 90 day fiancée). They're always young and fairly well-passing (although Ella usually dressed like a porn star, fake boobs on display etc) and may contribute to the public's perception that TWAW, lovely, feminine, just like other women. Ella was constantly crying and sharing the brave heart-breaking journey of being trans, and fawned over by the other female contestants. There may even have been pillow fights. Or I could just be imagining that.
Shane on 90 day fiancée was less 'barbie doll' but a main feature of that storyline was fear of being outed/his Turkish fiancee's family realising he was male and having to pop to the bathroom regularly to shave in case they noticed 5 o clock shadow. I think the sister was aware. I wondered how they could not be aware..
Maybe in Turkey, they think English women are often 6 feet tall and with deep voices. But as said, these shows are scripted so it was probably all made up.

Here's Ella sharing thoughts on the SC ruling with the insufferable Richard Madeley.

I am pleased in a way that a transman is being featured on a gay show to show the other side of things. It is disgustingly homophobic but I wonder if 'normie' viewers will feel that. Or just think..gay men like men and he looks like one so where's the problem.

By the way, is this tranman contestant one of the 6ft tall bearded body builders we keep hearing about lately?

On a slightly different note, not trans-related but still homophobia, these dating shows that show predominantly heterosexual contestants, always fail imo when they include gay or lesbian participants.
If they're trying to be edgy, inclusive, progressive and whatnot, they fail.
Because they put the lesbian with long hair with the women. And the one with short hair with the men (even though the short hair is the only remotely 'masculine' thing about her). Same with gay men.
So all they end up doing is going along with outdated homophobic and sexist stereotypes that there is a woman role and a male role in same sex relationships.

I also wonder if the next series of 'I kissed a girl will feature a TIM'. I was surprised the last one didn't.

Young lesbians have been told for years they must accept 'lesbians' with penis in their dating pool.
It wouldn't suprise me if they scripted it to show lesbians happily dating TIM's to reinforce this message.

Ella then appeared on Celebs go Dating and spent an extraordinary amount of time telling the men how lovely 'her' vagina was. I might have occasionally joked that "I've never had any complaints" but I've definitely never said "I have a lovely vagina" to a potential date.

@HaddyAbrams I haven't seen that one. I've certainly never commented on the loveliness (or not) of my vagina. The images of post surgery that I've seen have been anything but lovely-perhaps Ella has been lucky.
WRT Shane, I don't recall him ever making the usual raging TRA statements and has never cared for pronouns. Also doesn't take hormones or is considering surgery. Also hasn't made any statements following the SC ruling or mentioned terfs to my knowledge.
He seems to be focussing on weight loss and flogging Mounjaro these days. He does come across as one that 'just wants to get on with life' and not get dragged into the TWAW arguments.

I think this is likely due your average lesbian-identifying TIM not being the effeminate or semi-passing type that is being used to convince the public there's nothing to worry about.
Seeing a straight man try to blend in amongst all the young gay women in the show would be too revealing. Physical differences alone would be exaggerated and I suspect the dynamic would also demonstrate their maleness.

This all reminds me of the Guardian Blind Date, when a lesbian was set up with a TIM; she very diplomatic about it, but very obviously unhappy about being duped.

FFS. This is a nice lighthearted specifically gay male dating series. Billed as the first of its kind. With a specifically lesbian follow-up dating series as well. Which was truly groundbreaking, given lesbian invisibility in wider popular culture.

It’s really unfair and homophobic that a TM has been cast to take the place of a gay man, putting their personal validation wishes over everything else. TM are not gay men. They’re not men. I’d say it’s really unfair on the TM too because the men in the show are not going to want to date that person. So putting themselves through that rejecting experience is really going to confirm a lot of anxieties that the TM will have. In a super public real names used kind of way. It’s creating the potential for a lot of trouble. The producers should be really concerned about fucking with reality contestants’ mental health like that. I thought they’d brought in new guidelines after the awful suicides of former Love Island contestants. And how unfair and stressful this will be for the other contestants particularly if the TM status of that individual is not made clear upfront to everyone.

Obviously any who feels excluded from LGB can campaign for there to be a ‘I kissed a transman show’ or ‘I kissed a transwoman’ show, great , if the production company can get the contract to make it. Great. But until then, this was incredibly homophobic casting decision and seems likely to cause extreme stress to the participants.

Just read LGB Alliance’s letter- excellent. I am so glad that they exist

It’s crazy to me that anyone doesn’t see the homophobia here. ‘Oh, you fancy men not women? Well how about butch women? This woman has a plaid shirt and a junior ‘tache, do you fancy her? Are you normal now?’

I too am very glad LGBA exist to advocate for gay men and Lesbians

Hmm yeah I know. My lesbian friends feel particularly betrayed by gay men jumping on the trans wagon and leaving them to suffer. One of them has an older cousin who helped lots of men during the aids crisis and she is very hurt that they've basically washed their hands of what has been happening to lesbians.

All this.

One of the worst insults in this is the parallel one as Women's Hour continually calling upon men to talk about women's issues. A plain ordinary boring gay man isn't enough, the best and most exciting kind of gay man is a straight woman.

All the gay men I know have taken part, to a greater or lesser extent, in a sex scene which is completely different to the world of hetero sex. Even those who are married often still have some contact with this 100% male, seemingly consequence free, dick-centric scene. I don't understand how transmen are accepted into this? They sound like scenarios which could be extremely dangerous for women for a variety of reasons. Are transmen really hanging about London commons or those cliffs in Brighton waiting for a casual encounter? Or going to chemsex parties? Or meeting couples off Grindr? Are they really sat in the pools at saunas that I'd worry about being impregnated by for so much as being in the same room?!

Yes, I think this is probably a good issue to be covered on mainstream TV, especially when the target audience is the gay men who’ve been so vocal in vilifying TERFs for their transphobia all these years.

The blank stare I often get from people when I explain how GII damages women (and especially lesbians) is far more prevalent among gay men, presumably as most straight men will have interacted with women on an intimate basis and will have at least some inkling of the sex differences that might make life more challenging for women.

Many of my gay male friends simply don’t have women on their radar at all in their daily lives, so they can’t even begin to comprehend how, say, drag queens are offensive to women, nor how calling each other “she” to disparage another man also disparages all women. They’re in their own little bubble (but are obviously very happy to scream out of it towards TERFs…).

I’m glad LGBA wrote the letter, but I’m also quite glad this is actually being shown as it’s a perfect forum to create some real tension and debate.

Because they put the lesbian with long hair with the women. And the one with short hair with the men (even though the short hair is the only remotely 'masculine' thing about her). Same with gay men.
So all they end up doing is going along with outdated homophobic and sexist stereotypes that there is a woman role and a male role in same sex relationships.

In MAFS the women and men are in separate groups to begin with and actually in the last series the long haired woman of the lesbian match was in with the men and the short haired woman was in with the women. But normally I’d agree with you.

@OuterSpaceCadetin Mr Menno’s video he mentions a transman being used in the advertisement of I think a gay sauna. Some transmen do go to saunas, with mixed results unsurprisingly.

Has there been a trans inclusive dating show that has ended well for everyone involved?

Its like theyve said, 'well, we tried lying to the contestants, to the audience, to the trans person, now lets just be honest to everyone and see who we can fuck up this time'.