I think I'm becoming transphobic

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I feel unpleasant writing this but I need to put it down somewhere. I know trans people, I have no problem with them and I've always said TWAW. But recently, especially in light of the Sandie Pegge, Beth Upton case my views are changing. I don't have a problem with people wearing what they want, I'm even fine with pronouns.

But I'm starting to believe that you cannot change sex. All the surgery and hormones in the world will not make you a woman. Saying 'I'm a woman' doesn't make it so.

What's worse is that my 15 year old stepdaughter is identifying as male and I just find myself getting so frustrated whenever they refer to themselves as 'a dude'.

Am I transphobic or just realistic? How can I come to terms with my feelings as they are evolving?

Very good points.

Yes, Bayswater is a good call. Genspect may be of use. Transgender Trend has lots of useful info.

@AlisonDonut I assure you I'm not that person. I'm genuinely feeling brainwashed and as a result extremely uncomfortable in my realisation of this. I'm not being disingenuous or trying to prove MN is transphobic.

It really is that simple.

Except op hasn't mentioned any of those things at all. You can believe you can't change sex without it being about women's safety and dignity.

@Tvp123 but it is about these things for me. I thought that was obvious. Apologies.

Cognitive dissonance is extremely uncomfortable.

It's very discombobulating to realise that governments, media, scientists, the NHS, etc, have gone along with tenets that have resulted in women being harmed, children being harmed.

The rainbows and glitter and comfortably trite slogans are an effective distraction; the furious smearing of any women who question the orthodoxy are instructive warnings.

But I'm afraid once you've seen it it's very hard to unsee it. 'Gender' is a very harmful set of beliefs that has undermined trust in many institutions.

I'm sorry. It's not easy.

You don't have to agree with everything everyone does all the time. You can just think - you do you.... and move on. Harder when it's part of your family.

Telling confused young girls and boys they can take drugs or have surgery to change sex and solve all their problems is cruel and deceitful.

As for 'transphobia' , we have good reasons to be fearful of this dangerous ideology.

There's much more to being a woman (or man) than genitals and hormones. It's much more complex

Why does it have to be? Sure, there's a lot of cultural expectations around being a woman, but they're mostly harmful to women, and involve us being good, shutting up, and doing what men tell us
.
What if being a woman meant just having a female body, and doing whatever you like with that body? You're absolutely free to live your life the way you want and still be a woman - though you'll get pushback from a society that seems to be getting more sexist rather than less.

I'm also sorry that you're unlikely to find easy answers or 'validation' on this board or among women who are called 'GC' or 'terfs' or any of the other slurs used.

Because it's not like that - it's not about 'two sides' and there isn't a 'movement' that is about convincing anyone or love-bombing them. It's the plain, unvarnished facts of the matter that women (and a few men) here are concerned with. Evidence-based arguments. Logic. Critical thinking.

I don't mean to be unwelcoming, it's just that the people questioning whether its possible to change sex are a very disparate group of lots of different backgrounds, political inclinations, etc.

There's generally a fair amount of disagreement.

This is healthy. 😁

Not only is your SD setting herself up for dating disappointment but also friendship and social disappointment, depending on how far she takes things.
She is unlikely to fit in with male groups or female groups.

Read this thread ..
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5281525-transman-tries-to-join-female-and-non-binary-space

Do an AS. The OP has been on Mumsnet since 2019. And has almost 2000 posts under their belt. Has posted about a non-binary DC before, and has also posted about concerns about trans ideology previously and shows they're 50-50.

I well understand being on high alert due to the trolls on here that want screenshots. But MyGhastIsFlabbered who I have seen in AIBU and on Mumsnet for years, is not a newbie troll.

They're genuine.

Indeed. Love your username

🎯

And we all know a good part of the reason why society is becoming more sexist rather than less.

This toxic, misogynistic ideology has done more harm to women's rights than the whole of the 20th century put together. In fact, from the 80s onward it seemed we were making some small degree of progress.

Along came the 21st century and TR activism and we've now regressed to something resembling the Victorian era.

The Pankhursts must be spinning in their graves.

I disagree. I too have been concerned I'm transphobic for the same reasons as the OP. I get worried people will think of me that way so don't tend to share my views when it's talked about.

I believe anyone can identify as whatever they want, it's not harming anyone. BUT I strongly believe single sex spaces should be protected. They should have male, female and unisex spaces. A building I worked in had large unisex toilets which I only used once because I felt uncomfortable, I would walk further to go the woman's only. But I do also understand that there may be an increased risk of trans people being assaulted using the single sex areas that match their actual sex. So I feel having both plus unisex is the fairest way to deal with it.

I have only ever seen trans-women kicking up a fuss about this. If you have a willy I don't want you in my space, it's as simple as that for me. Too many ways it can be exploited. I mean, look what they did with Adam Graham.

Blackface was ok before, too.

I'm gender non-conforming so I found all this trans nonsense amazingly insulting from the start. I have short hair and never wear make up, but it doesn't mean I've suddenly changed sex. Interestingly, it's been hard/impossible to convince my non-gender non-conforming (lol) friends how insulting this ideology is.

It's really made me think of everything else I've been programmed to believe.

It's transphobic, it's like the people who are like "I'm not racist but"

What's transphobic?

What is transphobic about not wanting males in a female changing room. If anything it's manphobic - it's a fear of men but it's not a phobia because a fear of men isn't irrational

This is pretty much where I am as well. Penises aren't female. I'm not going to pull your pants down to check your genitals if you introduce yourself to me with female pronouns, and I'll respect your pronouns and treat you as you present yourself, but I'm not going to say that penises are female because they aren't.

It is not like racism because 98% of all sexual crimes or vawg are not carried out by different races but by men

We already have a societal framework to deal with this situation, and it's along the lines of @Crouton19 and @ILikeMyBike indicate - if we treat belief in "gender" as akin to a "soul" which some people believe in as a religion, then we can immediately snap into an accommodation and framework that we are used to in a multicultural western society.

I can respect that some people have a belief that they have a gendered soul that may be different from what I believe, just as a Hindu believes that eating beef is unacceptable. But the limit becomes where it affects others eg. if my Hindu colleague insists the office is beef-free, or even going one step further and insisting that not only do others refrain from eating beef but that they also BELIEVE in beef being unacceptable to eat ie. expecting others to participate in their religious practices and share their article of faith that beef is not for eating.

This is similar to the expectation that not only do we allow someone who believes strongly and wholeheartedly that they are the opposite sex to use facilities reserved for that opposite sex (and rape crisis shelters and sports and awards and scholarships and prisons etc etc etc), but also accept and share their belief that they have actually changed sex (see the testimony of Dr Upton a couple of weeks ago).

Not good enough to say to a transwoman "I believe that YOU believe you are a woman", but must be "I believe you are a woman". Anything less than that equals transphobia apparently but this is a religious profession of faith that is required, rather than respect.

The Sandie Peggie case has peaked a lot of people. This is a good place to read, question and think about the subject - welcome!

In your view it's transphobic to stop a child (usually gay / autistic) receiving experimental drugs which affect their brain, skeleton, sexual function and fertility? To differentiate between male and female employees in order to keep check on maternity discrimination, sex pay disparities etc? To allow women to have space to change away from males?

That is a very extreme viewpoint that not all trans people share. You're implying that a complete disregard for safeguarding, equality and boundaries is somehow inherent to being trans. I think THIS is actually pretty transphobic as well as misogynist. Not all trans people are like that.

I believe in the right of a young blonde girl from Essex to dye her hair brown and fake tan and shake her hips to Shakira on a Saturday night.

I don’t believe that gives her the right to call herself Latina.

What do you think?