I think I'm becoming transphobic

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I feel unpleasant writing this but I need to put it down somewhere. I know trans people, I have no problem with them and I've always said TWAW. But recently, especially in light of the Sandie Pegge, Beth Upton case my views are changing. I don't have a problem with people wearing what they want, I'm even fine with pronouns.

But I'm starting to believe that you cannot change sex. All the surgery and hormones in the world will not make you a woman. Saying 'I'm a woman' doesn't make it so.

What's worse is that my 15 year old stepdaughter is identifying as male and I just find myself getting so frustrated whenever they refer to themselves as 'a dude'.

Am I transphobic or just realistic? How can I come to terms with my feelings as they are evolving?

I don't know if you're transphobic, OP.

Here's a list you can work your way through to check if you like:

https://wingsoverscotland.com/everything-is-transphobic/

'transphobia' is a term that's often used to try to suggest nobody should question or be critical of 'gender' theories.

In reality, transphobia means being hostile or prejudiced towards people because of their trans identity. This does happen, but the term being overused for the former purpose means that the term has become impossibly vague and so broad that it's been rendered meaningless.

The overuse has actually eroded support and protections for people with a trans identity. The nonbinary child has cried wolf far too many times.

Trans people have not changed sex. Sex and gender are not the same thing.

How can someone be 'trans' if they don't believe in a gender identity? Sex is fixed, it cannot be transformed into its opposite. The only thing left is gender.

You're very naive. There are many trans activists that stalk the threads in this section.

What's worse is that my 15 year old stepdaughter is identifying as male and I just find myself getting so frustrated whenever they refer to themselves as 'a dude'.

Pretty sure real men don't actually go around talking about how they are men very often. But maybe I just don't notice it.

OP you are not transphobic. Unless women having the most basic of human rights to safety, dignity and privacy is 'transphobic'. In which case, being pro-trans = anti-women. Many of us - in fact I'd say most of us, started out wanting to 'Be Kind'. I at one time repeated the mantra 'TWAW', but it was mindless. I didn't fully understand what I was saying. I genuinely didn't. It was just 'the thing to do'. And somewhere along the line, we heard of intact males in pool changing rooms, in rape crisis centres, in battered womens shelters. And they DEMANDED they be allowed in, with no thought to the trauma or feelings of women.

That's how we know they are not female. A female, an actual woman is self-sacrificing and wouldn't remain where they are making someone feel uncomfortable. These males who claim they are women retain Male Pattern Thought process. They think like a male, not a woman, despite what they say. Their Male Entitlement means they will barge their way in, and expect women to 'get over it'. That's how we know they still think like a male.

97% of transwomen retain their penis and testicles for life. If you are born male with a cock and balls, you are not any type of woman, and have no right being in a female only intimate safe single sex space. That should be common sense, right? Our foremother feminists that went before us fought for us to have safe single sex spaces. They did not do it with the thought that one day a fully intact male will done a dress, re-badge himself as a woman, and enter those spaces. They would be rolling over in their graves at this loophole. Worse, when they hear how we are gaslit and guilted for not allowing these males access.

You are a normal woman whose survival instinct to spot a male from a female - honed through centuries of civilisation for our survival - is kicking in. You know an intact male in a dress is not a woman. That's instinct and lived experience. And you should never feel ashamed.

If anyone asked me what makes me a woman, I would simply reply that it’s perfectly obvious, as it is for the majority of people. Don’t be drawn into justifying your existence as a woman, you quite simply are one.

I agree with everything you've said.

It's not "transphobic" to say that no one can change sex... it's simply a statement of fact. Cosmetic surgery and hormones don't alter someone's sex.

Women and girls deserve single sex spaces away from men and boys. Boys and men deserve the same.

It is the height of absolute cruelty to affirm any child who says they're born in the wrong body.

But if asked to describe what makes me a woman? That is something id struggle to define.

The only thing that makes me a woman is my biology. The short hair, jeans, trainers, lack of make up have nothing to do with it. The sole thing is my biological reality of living in a sexed body that is female and everything that goes with that. I'm not transphobic for recognizing fundamental differences between the sexes.

Human beings are mammals.

Mammals cannot change sex.

Sex is defined by gametes (in mammals sperm = male, and ova = female) and the gametes that your body did/does/will/should produce.

To be a woman, you need to develop as female in the womb and live long enough to reach adulthood.

To be a man, you need to develop as male in the womb and live long enough to reach adulthood.

https://richarddawkins.substack.com/p/is-the-male-female-divide-a-social?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2

https://richarddawkins.substack.com/p/denying-that-sex-is-binary-a-study?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2

'There's much more to being a woman (or man) than genitals and hormones'

Why have you picked these 2 things, when it is actually every cell of your body that determines your sex? This is TRA talk.

@AlisonDonut I picked those two things as these are the two things that people change when they transition. Therefore it seems to me that they are the things that trans people see as the indicators of one particular sex over another.

Ease up, she is where a lot of us once were, we don't need to turn away people that are coming around. It takes a while to de-cult oneself and that includes language.

You're a realist and you want to be honest.
The issue is that the current culture (including police, NHS, BBC etc) has normalised lying.
'Her penis' being the absolute classic.

Unfortunately when everything, even perfectly reasonable concerns as per women's basic safety or medicating children is deemed 'transphobic', then this leaves open no room for sensible discussion or compromise. I'd have campaigned with trans people for a third space some ten years or so ago. Now, I no longer pretend to care, and this isn't my doing. It's theirs.

This is where vociferous, aggressive activism, doxing, threatening, harrassing people, losing women their livelihoods for daring to speak, gets you. It's now coming back to bite trans activism on the behind. You can have things your own way for so long, but you can't keep people down forever by using aggression, fear and intimidatory tactics. Sooner or later you'll be told where to go and what to do with yourself when you get there.

TRAs wanted #NoDebate. Should be a cautionary note to be careful what you wish for.

It is only “phobia” if one’s fear is irrational, and that is not the case here… the whole point of “trans” is that the increased danger only goes in one direction. It only ever harms women, because we are no threat to men. The whole notion is discriminatory.

Genital surgery and taking cross-sex hormones is just extreme body modification. It does not change that person's sex.

To change sex, an animal would need to stop producing one type of gamete and then go through some sort of metamorphasis so that they can produce the other type of gamete (surgery to 'install' reproductive parts from a different person does not count). This does not happen in mammals. It does happen in Clownfish.

For clarity, Human beings are mammals, they are not fish!

They choose those things because they are the only things they can change. So to define womanhood in any other way would very obviously exclude them. As it should,because they are men.

Your DSD is setting herself up for a lifetime of misery. No one will ever perceive her as truly male. Gay men will not date her because she is female. Lesbians won't date her because she claims to be a man. Straight men won't date her because they're not interested in women pretending to be men, or who have stubble and a fake penis. So who does that leave in her dating pool when she's older? That's before you take into consideration the harm a lifetime of cross sex hormones will cause her. You need to get her dad to step up here and end this nonsense.

But I'm starting to believe that you cannot change sex

You thought that PEOPLE COULD CHANGE SEX?? Well that was silly, I'm glad you've come to your senses now.

Honestly the key issue for you is your SD's safety.

She is very vulnerable and there could be underlying or associated reasons for her transition.

Her family need to be aware of the dangers and be ready to help her move away.

There are good websites that you can get advice from, I think Bayswater is one. Women here with better memories than me will know if you ask.

The theory of it, and your label, is unimportant. Your SD is.

I came here seeking validation for my opinions because they don't sit comfortably with me at the moment. It feels like transphobia because if you express any doubts about mens' rights to be a woman you seem to get called a terf.

I don't know if 'validation' is going to help with this, tbh.

We all know that there are two sexes and it's not possible to change.

We all know that we aren't being unreasonable stating this.

People will use the term 'terf' as a slur. The attacks on women who question or express doubt are a means to try and control and coerce. To try and shut us up.

In fact the extreme defensiveness is often what puzzles people and leads them to start asking more questions.

All I can say is, ask lots of questions. Think for yourself. Seek evidence. Test theories out.

The transexual I used to know didn't really do the gender id thing. I wonder if it's relatively recent term? Or perhaps they did believe in it but in a personal way. There was no pressuring others to believe anything. Their identity was very much about being a transwoman, not claiming to be an actual woman if that makes sense? They were full op though.

I don't do twitter any more but there used to be many similar trans people on there. They were pretty vocal against trans ideology and got a lot a shit from the "trans community".

To me this distinction is extremely important. It's the difference between a moderate member of a religion and a religious fundamentalist. It's perfectly possible to happily coexist with the first if you're an atheist.