Trapped in the Trans world

[trappedbytrans]

Have done a name change for reasons that will be obvious.

I work in a civil society organisation where being pro-trans is religion. Not a single person is GC and to be honest when I joined I was totally with them. TWAW, TRAHR repeat to fade.

Reality and common sense has gone to me. I'm seeing healthy women in our organisation (staff not clients, we don't have clients as such) having mastectomies and changing pronouns. We even have one person who has to tell us their pronouns each morning as they are likely to change at least once each day.

I am in a very senior role and I could blow the doors off if I quit and went public. The problem is that I would be unemployable in a field where I am a national leader / expert, and I would lose 80% of my friends (we are a very pro-social organisation and network).

So that's it. I'm not here for advice (though that would be welcome!) but more to express my tiredness and frustration at my situation. I guess I'm hoping that more people blow the doors off and eventually I am forced to escape with a fat redundancy package.

Just catching up on this thread. Oh dear... every scumbag hack at the Daily Mail will be scraping emails to try and work out which senior Stonewall exec this this

Literally shitting on everyone? I think that's fairly unlikely.

I hope so. Because I'm not at Stonewall and they'll never work out where I am.

I like your post alot of thought into that. It's a good point here's my take she doesn't agree with pronouns or trans men it seems yet works in a lgbt charity perhaps? So therefore she shpikd leave end of if I worked give your example in say an organisation that was very God heavy and said we say a prayer here everyday if I thought I won't do that then I should have not took the job. It's as simple as that

And would that still be your view if you had been working there long before the God heavy contingent arrived and imposed their views on everyone else?

I do wonder how many people are secretly GC in these types of North Korean organisations… I work in an all female very left wing liberal office where there is a high level of psychological safety and people say what they want and we debate and disagree. Yet every last one of us is GC. It just seems to be the natural default for anyone with half a brain.

And we are not ‘anti-trans’ for the record, we just accept people can’t change sex. And to pretend and force people to play some kind of pantomime around that pretence is perverse and dehumanising. Especially to women.

I think those podcasts and Simon Fanshawe's recent book are excellent starting places for anyone who wants to push back against overly enthusiastic and incorrectly formulated EDI measures in the workplace.

I think the tide is turning with younger generations.

My daughter attends an all girls school and told me that in PSHE they discussed a range of issues, social inequalities, racism, sexism, and all the girls were vocal about the ills of the above.

She said when the teacher moved on to transphobia at first it was quiet until one girl spoke out about biological reality. Apparently there was uproar as the class revealed itself to a girl to be gender critical.

How is the tide going to turn if said gender critical girls are thought of by the authorities as poorly brought up bigots (probably with mothers on MN, nuff said) who need educating? I think the tide is sloshing about chaotically at high level myself, a bit like the Portland Race.

Yes, but TRAs either don’t care about that, don’t believe it or choose to ignore it.

What would blowing the roof off actually look like?

The colleague who had the mastectomy. It would never be appropriate to comment or pass judgment on someone's medical treatment. Someone might have breast implants and you see that as a form of self mutilation, ultimately it's not relevant to work and not your business

Pronouns - just take it less seriously. It's mostly young people trying to fuck shit up like they always do. Think of it as a form of punk that will fade in time and fall out of fashion.

I think you can be unenthusiastic about gender stuff but really, it's not important and not your place to tell others what to do with their bodies.

Well clearly my DD has a mother on Mumsnet! This is an outstanding school in an affluent area known to be left leaning. I confess I was surprised at the extent of the pushback due to the above.

Haroldwilson Pronouns - just take it less seriously. It's mostly young people trying to fuck shit up like they always do.

That's true, but you also pointed out, wisely, that that some things are 'ultimately .. not relevant to work', and by the same token, the workplace is an inappropriate place for youthful 'fucking shit up', 'shit' in this case being standard use of pronouns in everyday communication.

I'm still shook about "new pronouns every day" Alex 😄

I'm sure Alex is loving the special attention, but will surely get tired of it all eventually.

I think you can be unenthusiastic about gender stuff but really, it's not important

Except we've ended up with NHS, the Prison Estate, most arms length bodies, the Police etc. going along with it. And the complexities of Scotland. And this has happened with negligible opposition because the #NoDebate tactic as been so successful. And preference falsification is a decent partial explanation as to why this has happened.

The culture of OP's workplace sounds as if it influences those with whom they deal.

😆

It sounds as though you’ve struggled on until you’re close to exploding. Hence phrases like “blow the doors off”.

What would happen if you raised well publicised cases such as Roz Adams and the nurses in Yorkshire and kept saying that the organisation needs a clear line that works? Especially after the US election, surely they must see that it’s important to relate to the views of ordinary people?

I’m asking whether it’s possible to chip away and prise open the chinks

I agree there are problems with those state organisations. But op hasn't said she works in those, has she?

This sounds like tolerating people at work she disagrees with. Do it unenthusiastically and professionally, and don't invest much energy in the whole thing.

I wouldn't go along with daily pronouns tho

Alex has been with us for several years. At different times Alex has been she/her, he/him, they/then, ze/zim (i think) and also once went without pronouns for a few weeks.

It is at the stage now where if i were to write an email today about Alex, knowing a colleague won't read it until Monday, i could misgender Alex by using their Friday pronouns and not their Monday pronouns.

Our In / Out whiteboard lists colleagues' names and pronouns, so they can easily be changed. This is the same in all offices and I've seen it at Stonewall too.

What does your organisation do when LGB needs and rights conflict with the trans agenda? Maybe this is an area you can pick at, to ensure the LGB young people that you are supporting are treated fairly? I also imagine that anyone in your organisation who transitions would, at the moment, be somewhat lacking a safe space if they chose to detransition? Maybe creating that space would be something you’d feel able to do? After all, it’s important to be kind to everyone, surely?

What an absolute waste of everyone's time.

OP I think you have 3 options here

• Do a Faustian pact with yourself to keep your mouth shut because you otherwise value the status/pay/work etc
• start bringing in some gender critical points not as your but as facts in society to protect your organisation. So in a relevant context saying something about whether we like it or not, the law is now clear that “sex is binary, immutable and sometimes that matters” is a belief worthy of respect in a democratic society. And so in order to protect the organisation legally we need to ensure that we aren’t viewed as discriminating against people who hold those views who are part of those you are aiming to support, how do we do that. Not risk free but hard to really argue against.
• find a lateral move or promotion into a different organisation outside of the LGBT+ space where the cognitive dissonance will need to be more limited. If you’re senior your skills should be transferable.

Oh and Alex’s pronouns fuck that shit. Where I need to refer to Alex in the third person I would solely use Alex even if it grinds the language. If questioned as to why not affirming would make clear with an honest face I don’t want to inadvertently misgender as the pronouns at time of writing may not match at time of reading. So it is a matter of respect. And definitely not opting out the bullshit oh no.

This pretty much sums up the utter narcissism underlying this ideology.

Even the utterly mediocre and downright privileged can become 'special and vulnerable' under this ideology.

This is an interesting thread.

It many ways it doesn’t matter that the underlying issue is specifically that of being GC in a pro trans org. Rather, you are experiencing what many people do which is that your workplace is not in sync with your personal values.

Like everyone else in this boat you carry on - because you have bills to pay etc - until it becomes unbearable.

From experience it will be a slow and painful process and could very well cost you a lot in terms of your wellbeing.

Personally I would start making a plan to either escape or to grow the nerves to blow the doors off. Email LGB Alliance - I bet they’d give you advice.

It is so obvious that OP doesn't work for Stonewall as she said that they help LGB people and not just the T. Stonewall consider same sex attracted people to be bigots