Trapped in the Trans world

[trappedbytrans]

Have done a name change for reasons that will be obvious.

I work in a civil society organisation where being pro-trans is religion. Not a single person is GC and to be honest when I joined I was totally with them. TWAW, TRAHR repeat to fade.

Reality and common sense has gone to me. I'm seeing healthy women in our organisation (staff not clients, we don't have clients as such) having mastectomies and changing pronouns. We even have one person who has to tell us their pronouns each morning as they are likely to change at least once each day.

I am in a very senior role and I could blow the doors off if I quit and went public. The problem is that I would be unemployable in a field where I am a national leader / expert, and I would lose 80% of my friends (we are a very pro-social organisation and network).

So that's it. I'm not here for advice (though that would be welcome!) but more to express my tiredness and frustration at my situation. I guess I'm hoping that more people blow the doors off and eventually I am forced to escape with a fat redundancy package.

ha, do you work for Stonewall or somewhere similar? surely you could move to another job in the third sector where this stuff isn't quite so front and centre.

That’s insane.

I only just don't engage with it any more, at first I was super accommodating for everyone's nonsense, had a very woke friends group and accepted everything they all said without question. It got to the stage that people introduced themselves by their pronouns first and these changed a lot and I started to think why is this happening to so many people?
I then gave an opinion that I don't think it's appropriate for kids to have gender change surgeries etc (I'm actually the only one of us with a child) and it all kicked off, I've been told I'm transphobic and excluded from a lot of things. I used to go to a lot of queer events but it was being made entirely about trans folks.

Agree 100%.

Children are being harmed terribly by this ideology so if you're in a position to help stop that then figuring out a way to do that would be good.

I work in an education adjacent setting and I just don't use special pronouns (I use names) and gently push back in those ways but it rarely comes up directly and none of my colleagues declare their pronouns. I honestly think they're all too busy dealing with immediate pressures at work and trying to make ends meet at home to even think about their inner identities. I also push back as a parent in my children's schools.

If you really feel you can't challenge it, just move jobs. Having to walk on eggshells over pronouns is like living with coercive control, I couldn't do it!

Thanks to the brave women who've gone before, the Cass review etc, it is getting easier to speak up if you have reality based beliefs. It probably wouldn't be as bad as you think.

Just one example
Being asked to add my pronouns to my email makes me very uncomfortable because I don’t feel I can be truthful and say I don’t want to state them, because I don’t feel the need and I’m happy for people to use whatever pronouns they want for me.
I’m worried it will start a conversation where someone says “but it’s to be supportive and inclusive to trans and non binary people”
and this will ultimately lead to me having to say I am gender critical, which is not understood or accepted in my organisation and for which I would be discriminated against”
I can’t be myself.

You are being ridiculous. Being a 'national leader' in an organisation that denies biology is absolutely nothing to be proud of.

You don't need to stay, or 'blow the doors off' (would that make you feel a bit important?) Just hand in your notice, leave, and find some more admirable employment. I suppose you work for a charity. There are lots of others.

Please do this. And publicise what's been happening as much as possible.

This is the time to do it. The wheels are coming off the trans wagon. There is increasing recognition of the harm done to both women and trans people by gender ideology. It will be difficult for you while it's happening, but you will keep your self respect, know you have done the right thing, and in the long run everyone else will know you have done the right thing.

I’m an assistant scout leader and it’s the same in scouting - the leaders are all very pro-trans kids. On a discussion in the scout leaders uk forum, they were laughing at “terfs” etc. It’s scary especially when this is to do with kids and their mental health.

I will just comment OP that adults have let children down terribly with regard to gender ideology. Cass was right in saying that the focus on trans has lead to other issues children need help with being ignored. Children have and are being harmed terribly, and are suffering. It's not just the direct harms, it's the lack of decent mental health support and adequate SEND provision.

If you just took all the money spent on trans ideology / stonewall / dodgy outside providers in schools and given to charities by the state and put it into SEND provision, so many more children would be so much better off.

If you're going along with a very pro trans organization, particularly one taking money from the public purse, you are part of that harm. Just find another job where a bit more diversity of thought is possible and you can just not add pronouns - plenty of workplaces are not captured!

You are being very naive and silly.

If John decides to become Janice, Janice will want to use the women's toilets now they're a woman. Whether or not they have had surgery, they are now protected from harassment or bullying on the basis of their gender reassignment, under the Equality Act 2010. Not wanting Janice to use the women's toilets or refusing to go in with Janice could now be against the law (although there are no criminal penalties, you could just be sacked) (Your company can't sack Janice as they are now trans and that would be illegal with penalties.)

Janice will also want to use the women's shower/changing room. (Again, protesting could make you lose your job, you bigot)

Janice will be sharing a room overnight with a woman colleague for the annual conference. (Don't even bother protesting, bigot)

Janice's fairly hefty salary is now read by the computer as a woman's salary so the company's gender pay gap has now closed. Yay!

Finally, Janice applies for the Women In Leadership programme, designed to mentor upcoming women. Janice is already in a fairly senior position and has got there quite rapidly without any help but now takes a spot that a young woman could have had. (No one dares stop Janicd or complain. )

This is a predator and abusers dream and it is already happening.

OP this story might inspire you https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/nov/06/woman-unfairly-dismissed-over-gender-critical-views-to-get-69000-payout

It's not easy to speak out, but we do need people to have the courage to do so

Its a cult and you need to get away.

Jane is a sexual assault survivor and suffers PTSD, but Jane’s right to be safe doesn’t matter, you bigot. Jane needs to shut up and let Janice do and go where Janice wants. Jane has no rights to safety. Jane just needs to go along with pretending about Janice.

Shabana is committing haram if she is alone with Janice, but Shabana’s religion has no rights, you bigot. Only Janice matters. There is a hierarchy of Rights, and Janice comes first.

Myself, I just wouldn't have enough effort in me to be bothered with someone who changed pronouns every day. It's so tiresome!

Forgive my ignorance but why would a Vicar still be a Vicar if they were atheist.?

Why is it that your company includes T in it, LGB are about sexual preference, T is about your chosen gender. You are in a position of power, so start pointing out the bleeding obvious.y You are making things worse for LGB and T, by labelling them all under the same umbrella bucket.

That's a bit unkind. Is one not allowed to change one's mind, make mistakes etc? Surely we are. The thing about the trans 'religion' is that repentance and forgiveness are not allowed - GC people should not follow that route at all but welcome all new recruits however their Damascene revelation came. The OP has seen the light, she needs support, not being told, 'well you made the bed, lie on it' because that stops people from admitting they've seen the light. Redemption is allowed, indeed welcomed. I hope the OP finds a way out - most likely through gently undermining the ethos of her work place with facts and the dangers of litigation, I guess.

Because if they stop being a vicar they no longer have a job, also possibly not a home (if they live in a vicarage) and they lose their place in the community. Basically their entire life and identity would have to change.

I couldn’t do this. If I worked in some kind of organization that existed to help people or influence society, I couldn’t go along with promoting trans ideology. I couldn’t live with myself if I thought I had in any way been responsible for influencing a person to self harm through medical intervention or pushed something that is breaking people’s families apart as their children succumb to this indoctrination.

I would have to find another job as I couldn’t live with the lack of self respect it would bring. Alternatively, if I felt strong enough, I would start to try to challenge the status quo, though I realise that would probably result in another GC employment tribunal as the likelihood of being promptly sacked is high.

Problem is it's everywhere. Don't want to say where I work (work with mostly young people) but gender critical beliefs are not highlighted in the way trans beliefs are here - no GC displays etc. You can't speak openly for fear of not being inclusive.

It would be great if you could challenge the anti-safeguarding harm of gender ideology OP but please don't collude in it. At best challenge but if you can't, get another job (and tell them some version of why at the exit interview).

There are women here whose children and families have been harmed. Whole schools worth of children have been lied to and coerced. There's a great speech from one child in such a school at a let women speak event (with her Mum - she was so brave). Was it Belfast? Anyone?

Is it possible for you to contact a journalist and be an anonymous source over what is going on?

OP, I feel for you in your situation. But ultimately you have to balance the various costs of doing nothing and continuing to prop up a captured organisation knowing that it is at least complicit in doing harm, quietly leaving without saying anything and finding (hopefully) a more conducive work environment, and blowing the whole thing open. Each of those has costs. Option one may leave you financially secure and work relationships intact, but at the cost of your self-respect. Can you live with yourself if you don't provide the leadership needed to challenge an ideology which you now believe to be harmful? Option two may involve taking a job at a lower salary (depending on your field) with no guarantee of that improving, and you might still effectively need to self-silence. Option three is pretty nuclear. Yes, you could conceivably go all the way, endure harassment and then resign and claim constructive dismissal, but that's a terrifyingly difficult option. I heard Professor Jo Phoenix talking about the trauma of her ET, and it's not something to be taken lightly.

I think you have to weigh up these various costs, and if you have a partner or other close friends and/or family, talk them over. Your circumstances are also important - if you don't have a financial and emotional safety net, the third option would be even more difficult.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

OP i disagree with the posters who say it is your duty to blow the doors off. We need people who are embedded in organisations like this to at the right time help move to respectful and legal support of anyone who feels they are trans within a frame of reality that respects biological sex. we are not going to evolve past the extremes of now unless we have that potential. obviously you may get to a moment you can't take it any more -
but I would say at that stage you find another job and then in calmness strategically think how to effectively help the bigger situation from a position of strength and expertise.