Huge argument with best friend about the boxers. Devestated.

[Patty78]

My best friend of 30 years has called me stupid, cruel, a fucking terf, a numpty, and an idealogical bigot. He also said he hopes my 7 year old daughter doesn't end up with XY chromosomes and I have to tell her she wasn't a real woman. Who does that?
I'm so so so upset. I went through my points clearly and calmly. I pointed him in the direction of Andrew Gold's interview with a developmental biologist. I said she made all the points much much better than I could.
I said I didn't really know what the situation was with this particular boxer because nobody could seem to agree. My only point was that if she is XY and went through male puberty, then some sort of policy should be in place. I also said that it wasn't fair for her to be in the limelight like this and that basically, it needs sorting at an administrative level.
The vitriol from him has really shocked me. I'm in tears. He's talking about my cruelty to this boxer (who he says was born and raised a woman and it doesn't matter about the chromosomes and would I also stop basketball players from growing too tall) whilst also being extraordinarily nasty to me.
Now I'm wondering if I've got this wrong.
The reason I have gender-critical views is because I want to protect my daughter. But I'm pretty isolated, on my own... and now I'm really really sad.

He’s is horrible human he always has been and the mask has well and truly fell off.

Your sister has always been right you’re now free to live your life without this oxygen thief!!

Take care you wil be ok x

In the kindest way possible, nobody's 'soul-mate' tells them they're 'the one' but too fat and left-wing.

He's a bell end.

OP, to reiterate what other posters have said, anyone who treats you like this is not your friend - regardless of the topic of conversation

To pp’s who agree with him, do you believe that the boxers are biologically female? If so, what is your evidence? Surely if they were, they would have happily released data to prove it?

Alternatively, you might believe that it’s ok for biological males to box women, especially if they’re somehow disadvantaged versus other men? Personally, I believe elite women’s sport is for elite women, not for men who can’t quite make the grade

They understand at a very deep level the fundamental need to always stick together and have each other's backs no matter what.
(this is because women will very easily get the upper hand if they don't)

The more you post about him, the less of a loss his friendship seems. He called you names for (in his opinion) not being kind enough, whilst being unkind to you throughout your whole friendship.

He always said that I was "the one" and he should have been with me. But I was too fat for him. And, ironically, too leftwing and "wayward" for his parents to accept.

Oh my God. Wake up - his views of women are all of a piece. Why would you waste 30 years of your life being “friends” with this arsehole?

So he was cruel to you, reducing you to tears, and said dreadful things about your child having a medical condition in order to support some random boxer he doesn't even know?

He's no friend to women. He's not a friend and he doesn't like you thinking for yourself.

How two way is this 'friendship'? I'm guessing there will have multiple occasions where it's been all give from you and all take from him.

Because you're the lesser sex.

Would he have behaved like this if he'd been talking to Daley Thompson - who shares your views? Like hell he would.

He's shown his colours. Steer clear for a while. I'm in a similar situation 😞

Interesting.

Because when women empathise with other women who are victims of male abuse or men who view them as housemaids - if this site is anything to go by at least - it's labelled 'misandry' and a plethora of posters will come out of the woodwork to remind us all that NAMALT.

The sad reality is that the patriarchy is to some extent dependent on women to maintain its status quo. What I don't understand is the mentality of the women who do it.

Do they think it will 'rescue' them somehow, or is it a case of being nice to the crocodile so that it will eat you last?

Drop this misogynist from you and your daughter's life, if not for you for your daughter.

Listen to your sister. He has been using you, you are lovely and deserve better.

Someone has pointed out that if there were any doubt, the way they were carried on the shoulders of the male coach should make it clear. No Algerian female would sit astride a man’s shoulders in that way.
a female behaving in that way would actually be executed under sharia law.

the patriarchy is to some extent dependent on women to maintain its status quo. What I don't understand is the mentality of the women who do it
@SerafinasGoose
Aligning yourself with those who have power tends to be the default option.
Furthermore those who hold power tend to (by default) use a divide and rule strategy to confuse the picture.

But he does get to decide what a woman is, even though he isn’t one?
What a sanctimonious, nasty cunt.

It's quite a shock to realise how little some of these left leaning, 'woke bro' type men care about women? Isn't it?

Well said 👏
Everyone in that picture understands that the person held aloft is male.
They are celebrating his victory all the more because he has attacked the enemy from within the ranks of the enemy.

I don’t think it is ever quite as simple as that though, which is what makes these kind of fall outs so hard. His views, and the way he has spoken to the OP sound awful, but he he is presumably not an awful person in himself as he has been the OP’s close friends for 30 years.
I feel with this debate, as with others, that things have become so polarised and vitriolic, some people just don’t seem to be able to not be hurtful and use abusive language. It is in evidence everywhere on Mumsnet as well as wider society.
I don’t know what the answer is, or how things will be resolved, and I know that’s probably not of much comfort to the OP. But I’m really sorry this has happened to you OP, and I hope you can find a way through it. I think you’re entitled to feel so hurt by this. I would take some time away from this friend so that you can come to terms with what you are feeling.

Your sister is right.

Think of his unhinged rant as your wake-up call and cut him off for both your sake and your daughter’s sake.

The boxer controversy has provided him (and other misogynistic men) another stick to beat women with whilst masquerading as feminist. it’s shocking how many have l

I would be very dubious and cautious about any male who goes to this length to defend those two boxers.

@letsjustdothis I'm guessing you think you represent the next generation, you do not.

What makes him think that he, a bloke, gets to decide what a woman is? Or that he, a bloke, gets to shout down you, a woman, for having an opinion he doesn’t approve of? What a manchild.

He’s a raging misogynist. He believes women are inferior to men.

It is women who are the underdog, the oppressed. It is men who are the oppressor. No matter how they identify or if they are unfortunate enough to suffer from a DSD.

It will hurt right now, but ultimately you’ll be better off without him. He’s not the person you thought he was.

This.

Basically this

It's pretty horrifying

That is very sad. Too fat. Nah. This man has never been your ‘soul mate’ .

Now I'm wondering if I've got this wrong.

You haven't. If he refuses to consider the facts and bases his opinions on "kindness" he's a fucking idiot. I'm sick of this attitude, and more and more people will get sick of it too - there will be a reckoning one day, and these folks should be held to account for their opinions, and they should hang their fucking heads in shame. 😡