How to react when your child corrects you about someone's pronouns?

[Thirtyfiveandcounting]

My dd is 12 & so far has had a very sheltered life. I am extremely GC & she has never asked about trans or non binary & does not have a phone . Anyways she had a sleepover with a friend in Sun night, she came home & was talking about a particular signed, I said he's a great singer & she said very crossly "they, he's non binary".. I didn't know how to react so I just said "that's me corrected!" to which she replied "yes it is" 😭 She said the girls mother then showed them a video of this singers new music video..
I think I should be blasé & not push my opinion which might push her into rejecting me? I don't want to get this wrong.

You could just respect the way people would like to be referred to/addressed.

Alternatively, you could double down on your stance and DD (who has obviously picked up on your attitudes, judging by how firmly she corrected you) will have her own opinions about that and may well lose respect for you.

Restricting her access to the internet doesn't mean she doesn't still exist in the world.

I think you should be honest

You should imo be honest about your opinions and why you feel the way you do. I have done that with my children. They are both gc having spent many hours debating it all around the dinner table but would use someone’s preferred pronouns to their face to be polite.

I'd suggest you open your mind a little and do some research into what non-binary means. If a sheltered 12 year old can understand it, I'm sure you'll be able to.

Perhaps you might learn a little respect for people at the same time as well.

Did she really say: "he's non-binary"?

😂

This is so hard. I want to tell her my opinions but she always was a bit of a sheep as far as her friends are concerned & would value their opinions more than mine.

I would ask what she means by non-binary. Hopefully that will lead to a discussion about gender stereotypes & you can explain your perspective.

Trans ideology is like a religion. It has no basis in reality in my opinion but I understand others disagree. You can respect someone's beliefs without following their practices. How would you talk to your child about religion op?

Why don't you enlighten us as to what it means?

Well of course, as remember all that matters is their opinion, your views don't matter and you must always be conceding and say you are wrong even if you don't think you are.
#BeKindIsAOneWaySystem

I'd be tempted to probe this a bit and say 'Ahh, i didn't know he preferred to be called they. If X was in the room I'd use They, but to be honest he is male and He comes to me more naturally. And he's not going to hear me saying it, so i don't need to worry about offending him. Some people like to pretend they're not male kr female but they still are and i find it all a bit silly and attention seeking tbh'

I found Eurovision really helpful for this conversation with my DD. Two non-binary artists, but really clear which was male and which female. I made the point to her that if they spent a week in a room having sex and as a result one of them became pregnant we'd all know which one it was, and that is what female means.

I would use someone's name. That's as far as I'd go

She'll have to go along with it or be ostracised by her friends.

But you can explain that in your own home you can both chose how you refer to another person. She can chose gendered language if she wants to and you can use sexed language if you want to. You do not have to agree on this you just need to respect either other's autonomy.

Did they make OP refer to herself as they/them? Did they insist on everyone around them also identifying as non-binary? I missed that bit, sorry. I thought this was just about how they, personally, would like to be identified, I didn't realise they were forcing everyone else to be identified that way too.

We are practicing Christians

No she named the singer by name!

Disagree with the first response completely. It is so so dangerous to validate this. I would have said 'No, he is his correct pronouns as that is the pronoun for a biological male.'

That's what I am afraid of & also more so she tells her friends (who also have non GC parents) my views & they will turn dd against me.
8

Well then practice the Christian values of love, respect and kindness and use the titling a person requests. It isn't that difficult and makes not demands on your titling or pronouns.

She can chose gendered language if she wants to and you can use sexed language if you want to. You do not have to agree on this you just need to respect either other's autonomy.

I think this is excellent advice. She's 12 so she'll be forming her own views on all sorts of things and will disagree with you on many subjects.

No we were chatting about a singer & I called him a he. She corrected me sharply "No it's they, X is non binary"..

I would tell her that everyone is non binary and I'll decide what pronouns I want to use when I'm talking about someone else.

A few years ago, maybe she would have been ostracised by her friends, I understand from my dds that they're allowed to think again, having been banned for the past few years. My 15yo DD is proudly GC, some agree with her, some don't, all fine.

I thought GC people were against compelled speech....

That's really not the gotcha you think it is!!