How to react when your child corrects you about someone's pronouns?

[Thirtyfiveandcounting]

My dd is 12 & so far has had a very sheltered life. I am extremely GC & she has never asked about trans or non binary & does not have a phone . Anyways she had a sleepover with a friend in Sun night, she came home & was talking about a particular signed, I said he's a great singer & she said very crossly "they, he's non binary".. I didn't know how to react so I just said "that's me corrected!" to which she replied "yes it is" 😭 She said the girls mother then showed them a video of this singers new music video..
I think I should be blasé & not push my opinion which might push her into rejecting me? I don't want to get this wrong.

Agreed. They believe in their religion, and have their opinions on it. I believe in sex-based reality and all that comes with that.

Not about being a believer about anything, its just about being really fucking annoying.

I feel sorry for the kids of weak-ass 'cool parents' who shit the bed if their child ("best friend") ever has a different opinion to them.

😂

I guess "insufferable" and "fucking annoying" are some more of those words that we keep being told are part of "language evolving"?

No thanks this isn't an assignment of homework situ where the reference isn't a clear independent state recognised body.
Honestly what is it with the people on these boards with "independent" research.

>I didn't disagree with her, I just said "oh I didn't realise, that's me corrected

As long as the response was with a smile/laugh, rather than a implied criticism it's perfect.
Pronouns/nb is just a fad/phase for current teens, the next generation will find some other way to differentiate themselves and 'belong' to their peer group.

@Frenchie91 I can assure you you don’t need to feel sorry for my children. They know that people are allowed to have different beliefs and are allowed to express them. They know they are allowed to disagree with me (they exercise this right on a regular basis- that’s the way things usually are with teens and their parents!). They know and understand why I am GC. They know that I am compassionate and empathetic; that I am not and have never been a bigot. We all get along well, even when our views differ.

I think I would play dumb and ask her to educate you on what non binary means.

It's a big thing in schools. My niece is apparently now a boy despite always wearing dresses/skirts and makeup. Half her class are apparently trans, gay or non-binary. My other niece challenged me on calling her 'she'. She's only 5!

I can just about get on board with 'them' and do use their new name but 'he' for a girl in a miniskirt and vest top and long hair is just ridiculous tbh. She's gay which is obviously fine but she's still very clearly a girl (she's 15).

Her stepmum (mum of 5 year old) appears to be pushing this. Her mum is not despite being very liberal, she still calls niece by her old name. Neither is my brother although he's trying to be respectful. I worry that SIL is going to push binding/hormone treatment etc, she's very invested in trans rights and I feel it's a status thing amongst her friends to have a trans stepdaughter 😔

It's not cool, it's sensible if they are coming over later and you want to be polite and remember someone's name/pronouns!

It's like if one of my children mentions going to pray in a Church and I say 'what, to that old SkyFairy?'

I could say that, or I could just go with the conversation, knowing that we all agree sex is immutable but being polite is also an ok option and we don't have to constantly correct each other to establish our own positions at all times.

The child in the op was the one being rude, "correcting" her mother. The mother made no derogatory comment, merely spoke about the singer.

@Alwaystimeforacupoftea The NB person being discussed was a celebrity, not the child’s friend.

That’s women for you, having opinions and all. And on a discussion board to boot. If you want to conform that’s your choice. You’ll just have to deal with the fact that others won’t lie to their kids. Or ‘respect others’ as our scolds on here have it.

@Marblessolveeverything

I am actually quite interested in critical analysis of this stuff. You signalled earlier that you are too.

You don't owe anyone an explanation.

But your berating others for being incapable of critical analysis loses some credibility if you can't bring it yourself.

I know, weird right? Imagine wanting to read a wide range of resources from across the research spectrum so you can think critically about what you've read and make your own mind up?

When you could just sit happily in your own little world and never think too deeply about anything....

I think it's something that you need to tackle with sensitivity and kindness - remember they are young and looking to explore understand and navigate their Gen Z world which is very very different to their parents

You have your views, she is forming hers - listen question understand and gently share yours if you're asked - let her be as curious about your thoughts and beliefs as she is about yours - this is a time to listen and be open - remember this sets the tone for the rest of her journey into being a women and I'd imagine you'd want to keep that door open as she sees and does things that you find uncomfortable - what sort of relationship do you want to have with her - how much can you grow to give her that?

Would you think that the child was being rude if the conversation had gone as follows:

“Mum, I saw a Taylor Swift video at Daisy’s house today, it was amazing”

”Oh, that’s lovely dear, what sort of music does he sing?”

”Not he Mum, she! Taylor Swift is a woman!”

That's what I'd do too. Thankfully my DC all know there are 2 biological sexes and people can't change biological sex. We all agree they can dress like the opposite sex if they want to but that doesn't change their chromosomes.

Despite its guise of progressiveness, genderist ideology is - IMO - fundamentally and profoundly misogynistic and homophobic.

I don’t know if you share my views, but if you do, think how you would react if your DD came home and (inadvertently, out of ignorance) started repeating other reactionary, bigoted takes.

Would you agree with her and allow yourself to be “corrected” if she was coming out with something overtly misogynistic, like Andrew Tate’s ramblings?

I doubt it. So maybe think about how you’d address that, and see if any of it could translate over to this. I think it’s very important you find a way to explain to her that you’re not opposed to this kind of stuff out of ignorance or bigotry, as it is always made out to be, but because the ideas she’s parroting seem ignorant and bigoted to you.

You'd need to be able to talk about the impact of claiming some men are women or neither men nor women on women’s single sex spaces, how this whole ideology affects women’s rights, how sexist that is; also the whole idea of the cotton ceiling and how homophobic that is.

In age appropriate terms!

Don’t apologise or be defensive. You are not in the wrong here. She’s still very young and while she ultimately needs to find her own way on these issues, she absolutely still needs guidance, and she needs to hear your views in contrast to what others are telling her is the “right” way to think.

It's like if one of my children mentions going to pray in a Church and I say 'what, to that old SkyFairy?'

Your analogy doesn’t ring true. A more accurate analogy would be:

Child is into Christianity and tries to insist their parent refers to Jesus as ‘the son of God who died for our sins’, which of course the parent is not obliged to do and probably won’t want to do if they don’t believe Jesus is the son of God who died for our sins.

I've done some research on this; quite a lot, in fact.

... Results? Well, actually "non-binary", as applied to people, doesn't have any meaning.

A little more specifically, it has no Bedeuting, as the philosopher Gottlob Frege calls it (whilst possibly having what Frege called "Sinn"). That is, for those unfamiliar with his 1892 paper (the undoubted locus classicus origin of this distinction in the philosophy of language), Über Sinn und Bedeutung, there is nothing to which it refers.

Why is this so? I imagine you asking. It's easy enough. "Non-binary" is taken to refer to human beings who are neither men nor women, neither girls nor boys, neither female nor male. But there are no such people. So the term "non-binary" refers to nothing. (Like, for instance, "married bachelor", "square-circle" or "fractional number whose square is 2".)

There are those who (try to) say things like "non-binary is valid" ... But they don't know what "valid" means either.

Is that any help, @EntirelyMadeofBosoms?

All teens value their friends opinion more, doesn’t mean you can’t share yours or educate her so she can decide for herself, if not now then when she’s a bit older.

@Marblessolveeverything

I've just realised what you mean by not wanting to read something because it's not an independent state body.

You mean (I think) you only want sources you can take on trust.

Such sources are hugely important, I agree.

But your unwillingness to engage with other types doesn't suggest you have great confidence in your own critical analysis skills. Which makes that a weird thing to mock others for lacking.

Cant believe you actually wrote that out.