The Grauniad on a damaging “reality” show

[RapidOnsetGenderCritic]

Another slanted take from The Guardian on a trans story. It seems to me that the main take from this sad tale should be that lying, or concealing the truth, has consequences. But the article doesn’t really mention that angle.

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2024/apr/25/she-was-tough-but-it-broke-her-why-theres-something-about-miriam-was-reality-tvs-most-shameful-low

I note the term moral compass is used when referring to TV or TV shows

But people have choices and a moral compass about how to present who they are. If you live a lie, or try to, there are consequences.

TV doesnt have a moral compass as such, thats an unrealistic expectation.

The article does reference the psychologist or whoever he is, noting that the men involved did not consent to be with a man, that is correct to say.

It's an incredibly sad story. The TV company should have had to answer for what happened. Mirian was so vulnerable.

https://open.spotify.com/show/7pmAWEkvhzuQ11uCmIJmxT
I listened to this

Miriam sounds incredibly vulnerable - only 21, and it sounds like she'd been through an awful lot. What a load of absolute bastards those tv execs must've been.

The article is right that the TV company shamefully and cruelly exploited Rivera.

The sentence "Terms such as cisgender and non-binary were not in common parlance" is so 2010s-2020s though. Words don't change reality. Today, straight men in the same situation would feel exactly the same way, the only thing that would maybe change is how they expressed themselves.

Poor soul, so many of these reality shows are just exploitative rubbish.

I remember this programme! It was absolutely horrifying - I felt so sorry for Miriam and the way she was sensationalised and caricatured by all those small-minded people.

I was living in the same precarious situation as her at the time - in deep stealth surrounded on a daily basis by bigoted people who would have reacted unpredictably and dangerously upon discovering my past. It's absolutely terrifying. A lot has thankfully changed since then but nowhere near enough sadly.

The sentence "Terms such as cisgender and non-binary were not in common parlance" is so 2010s-2020s though. Words don't change reality. Today, straight men in the same situation would feel exactly the same way, the only thing that would maybe change is how they expressed themselves

Exactly. I found the tone of the article quite irritating. I feel sympathy for both Miriam and the male participants who were competing. The TV production company is to blame. You can't really blame the men for suing.

Isn't that rape by stealth?

I thought the tone of the article was really off. It seemed to be saying that everyone should have been more tolerant - of what? being lied to and made a laughing stock.
And whilst Miriam may have been vulnerable - Miriam was a willing participant and an active liar - not a passive victim

I thought this was quite good
Unreal: A critical history of Reality TV
Episode 3 on BBC Sounds
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0c71jkv?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

I agree, the TV production was in the wrong.

When someone lives a life pretending to be something else, hiding their true self from the world, there will be consequences once the truth comes out. That’s the sad thing about transgenderism. People are encouraged to lie either directly or by omission. Other people don’t like it when they’ve been lied to. That doesn’t make them a bigot. If my DH suddenly turned round and said he was actually gay, I would be really hurt, not because I’m homophobic - which I’m not - but because he would have lied to me for years.

'Sex by deception' in the UK. Which Stonewall campaigned to get rid of.

If this were created today, everyone involved would have been wronged in exactly the same way, but the men would have to pretend that they were fine with it or face a huge backlash — and depending on the jurisdiction, potentially criminal charges for discrimination on the basis of a protected characteristic.

😳 how are they still here

The TV company are to blame, but Miriam was an adult and it was the men who were duped.
i feel sad for all concerned but as a PP says, nowadays the men would have to pretend they’re ok with it, despite feeling violated and that just isn’t right. Now or then. Miriam should never have done it.

I don’t really get it. Miriam must have known how people would react to finding out they’d been lied to? I mean ok he was 21 but still.

It was extremely exploitative, not least of the men involved, I'm not surprised they sued. Miriam obviously colluded with the TV company to keep it secret. How delusional would Miriam have to be to think that straight men would be fine with finding out they'd been snogging a biological male. I guess though if you're desperate for fame because you think it would equal love and acceptance you can be very easily persuaded when tv producers spin the show as a wonderful, positive thing for all.

The whole idea of being trans is generally wrapped up in deluding yourself that you can be something you're not so it's probably not a huge stretch to delude yourself that if you're famous everyone will love and accept you and also that tv producers must know what they're talking about when they say the show is going to be great.

Yes, this.

“The fact that she had a penis seemed to be the punchline to a joke,” says the production’s psychologist, Dr Gareth Smith, now. “But it wasn’t a joke. It was Miriam and her life. These boys didn’t have the option to consent. It was cruelty television.”

I think that sums it up very well.

Miriam was a vulnerable, traumatised young adult who probably hoped this would be the path to something better. The young men involved did so without true consent and were right to take legal action. They were all being set up to be the punchline of a joke that only the executives would benefit from.

Horrible times.

I thought the point that the boys had each other but she had noone was well made.
They were all victims in this, but in my opinion it was worse for her because she had no support and also was blamed for her role.

Also interested in the brief comparison with Nadia Almada. Nadia really does put the lie to the line "you can always tell". She totally passed .

The article is so typically Guardian, with the whole "assigned at birth" nonsense. The producers were clearly in the wrong and they exploited both Miriam and the men. They would have known how the men would react to finding out that Miriam was male. Nasty and horrible all round. But the Guardian skirts around the issue at the heart of this, which is that heterosexual men do not want relationships with other male people, regardless of whether they present as female. Just as homosexuals do not want relationships with opposite sex people - remember when the Guardian set up a lesbian on a blind date with a trans woman?

Just read the article it was a very dark show

Exploitative, Black Mirror like

I’m not surprised those set up and lied to sued and reacted, it’s also very sad that a young person was so damaged and their life ended as it did

Yes, horribly dishonest, unethical, exploitative and manipulative of the TV company.

A male being presented as a woman in an attempt to trap and deceive others is fraudulent, unethical, and dishonest.

In the context of seeking to involve participants in sex by deception in order to provoke a strong response it was breaching every ethic on consent. Grossly calculated, manipulative behaviour.

The TV company were criminal in their actions.

I was just coming to say about the awful Guardian blind date thing where they paired a lesbian with a transwomen. It's much the same thing. Exploitative in the extreme.

This young trans identified person was 'cast' by the TV company - and probably chosen because they believed they pass and will successfully find a straight man - with little thought for the wider consequences, just that it will make great, bottom of the barrel, cringe TV.

The podcast on reality TV upthread is very good.