There's nothing I can do about this, is there?

[Acunningruse]

Visited a different city today for work and went to a branch of Caffè Nero. I was served by what was very clearly a man, despite his attempt to look female and the fact he was wearing a she/her badge. Said man was wearing extremely tight leggings which, as he was wearing a waist-length t-shirt, meant his manhood was obviously visible. His appearance was a source of mumbling/muttering in the queue and he seemed to be enjoying the attention with a lot of hair-flicking.

I m not able to articulate why this made me so uncomfortable- other than the fact that no way in hell would I want to share a bathroom or changing room with this person.

But there's nothing at all to be done, is there? As any objection would surely be met with accusations of "discrimination " and "be kind".

Just so so frustrating. I just wanted to scream "you are not a woman!!!!" But I can't, can I.

Nothing you can do unfortunately other than take your custom elsewhere.

He was probably getting a sexual thrill out of it if his manhood was clearly visible. No wonder you felt uncomfortable.

Gross. No one needs to see your cock and balls mate, while you’re doing your job serving fucking coffees.

You can write to the cafe and say you don’t want to see someone exposing themselves. Nothing to do with trans. You shouldn’t have to be confronted by an exhibitionist.

Make a complaint.

Report him for not wearing an apron!

Health & Safety will probably provide the Karma for this at some point.

😆

If he had long hair he should have it tied back if he’s dealing with food, so I guess there could be a report to the food standards agency (or whatever they are called). A visit may put the owners on guard on what their staff are wearing too.

best thing to do with an exhibitionist, in the moment, is to ignore them, or be very obviously bored by them

I’d do a written complaint that his appearance is inappropriate in a customer facing role. He should wear an apron and have hair tied back, no jewellery or nail art. And take your custom elsewhere.

and refer to 'the gentleman in leggings and t shirt'..😉

He was enjoying the compliance.

I am very surprised that a cafe nero employee was a. not wearing an apron (either bib or waist) and b. did not have hair tied back. Both of these would get you pulled up on a food hygiene inspection.

I would think that tights and a waist length T-shirt would violate the dress code for all employees, regardless of sex or bepenisment status.

Thank you all. I will have a think how best to word a complaint. For clarity he did have his wig long hair tied back in a high ponytail, but definitely wasn't wearing an apron, but I go to a different Caffè Nero most days and I don't think I've ever seen them wear aprons?! Just T-shirts that say barista.

Discrimination law does not apply to individuals. Further transgender people are only protected in employment and certain other provisions of goods and services. As long as you are not abusive you are entirely within in your rights to complain that someone’s genitalia is clearly visible and offensive to you.

Indeed says aprons provided and gloves over nail extensions:

https://uk.indeed.com/cmp/Caff%C3%A8-Nero-1/faq/dress-code

disclaimer I’m not a trans activist and do believe that biological gender exists and that yes, some people feel they’re on an spectrum but these are few and I’m against gender change treatments for kids etc etc.

but: OP, in all honesty, do you maybe want to examine your motives for wanting to complain about this? What makes you so fearful/outraged? If it was a woman in a very low cut top and nipples showing through, would you also complain? If so, fair play.

but: bodies aren’t really dangerous and even if you had to see the outline of a man’s penis for a split second, is that so unbearable to you? Plenty of sports also have tight wear which shows genitals (yea I know being a barista isn’t the same, but no one falls over themselves to complain over that). You should try going to Germany to do a bit of mixed gender sauna, you’d maybe develop a more chill attitude to body parts then.

if truly have time enough on your hands to go and make some stranger miserable because you laid eyes on his penis for a few seconds, then, by all means go on, but it may better for your mental health and worldview to go volunteer in a shelter for trans people.

Goldfish, mate, we should ALL be able to go about our lives without ‘laying eyes on a stranger’s penis’.

It's flashing essentially. I imagine the motivations are the same except this version is "allowed"

Can we be clear we’re talking about seeing the outline of a penis through leggings? Not a flasher? Thought the Victorian era was over…
also, so funny, he was flinging his hair 😂someone call the police!
to be genuine: I’d also not love seeing that, and I wouldn’t encourage my own DS to dress like that or be thrilled if he did. I’d lying if I said so. But from a minute of annoyance to making an official complaint, that’s a world of difference. Leave the poor guy alone…do you honestly think his life isn’t hard enough already? The vast majority of the population is still homophobic and certainly transphobic. Life isn’t easy for trans people.

@Goldfishonabike actually, if you look through many of the threads on MN you will see that men's bodies often are dangerous to women.

That aside, this legging trend is really becoming a thing isn't it. I think it's replaced stockings and fishnets.

@Goldfishonabike you are incredibly naive. It is perfectly possible for male people to dress in such a way that their penis is not visible. This male is doing it on purpose, presumably for sexual thrills. Indecent exposure is a very common offence and women have every right to assert their boundaries not to see a stranger’s penis.

@Acunningruse I would absolutely complain. It’s not appropriate workplace attire and definitely not in a customer facing role.