Not posted bc to respond to Qs I've ended up writing really long outing replies and then I've seen the convo move on and thought I'd derail posting again
But here seems fine to jump in 😂
I could have done with having the word "grooming" in my vocabulary as a child, sounds like from OPs post downthread they could have too
Tbh professionals could have done with the word too
The blame was on children, not men and has never really been laid at professionals who allowed it to happen bc it's so much easier to say we didn't act for fear of racism with one type of abuser than admit that it wasn't hidden, wasn't secret, and wasn't alarming anyone in the first place until it was poc men
My home was notorious and was closed down over it but... like our "older boyfriends" were not treated like the problem... that was OUR risky behaviour and bad choices being made and they could sign ✍🏽 the bloody visitor log and shake hands with staff
You could not miss what happened in my city, it didn't need Sherlock to help the police ... they just didn't bother till they could say oh we found it hard in case they found us racist. Records have been lost, things are covered up (at least for myself, things that there is not possible for evidence to not exist bc LAC children are logged and reported on constantly... nobody seems able to find)
bc it's just a convenient lie for how perfectly accepted it was that some kids would go through it by a LOT of people and was happening for decades before it was even thought about as a problem with the men not the children
I object to it being reserved in peoples heads (the word grooming) to be combined with "gang" which idk "ring" sounds kinda happy like a circus... in comparison, like it's still not gonna trouble folk enough, bad apples amongst everyone sorta attitudes
and wish we would use the same language across the board reporting bc in 2012 I wasn't contributing to the narrative police wanted to excuse my city and I really do think some people can only see things when they look like their pictures in their heads associated with language used ...
It's not a Muslim thing to groom any more than it's a Christian thing to groom
Check any YouTube video on grooming scandals and read the comments... everyone wants to send folk home and apparently that's the problem and then it's fixed, when we had this problem, we have had it and had some parts of the UK as hotbeds for it for decades on decades ... pre immigration but it feels like a lovely comforting lie from my own experience to say "lessons learnt, we worried about racism" than admit ... for a long time we blamed children, promoted the concept they could consent, and did nothing about it anyway because we didn't not know, we knew and didn't want to do anything about it, clearly- for those troublemaker kids who bought it on themselves (that WAS the attitude!)
Why the fuck wouldn't men who are that way inclined find it easy?
I never once worried my "older boyfriend/s" were going to be in trouble... who was gonna report them? To who? The police who thought I could consent and prostitute myself? Even my social worker could have a friendly chat, as could the std clinic, as could key workers etc with them, Joe bloggs could see you with older men and not bat an eye to it ... it was normalised and whistleblowers only got listened to imo once there was a way to hack it on the back of other issues (racism, immigration)