KJK

[Notaflippinclue]

Why the fuck has MUMSNET cancelled her

What is cake lady’s blog please?

I have had a quick look at this, and will have to return to it when I am feeling a bit more robust. At first glance, Issendai appears to be saying that it is always parents who don’t listen and always their children who are trying to be heard because they don’t want to be estranged from their parents. Gender critical parents of adult transgender children have a different perspective, typically that their children have been indoctrinated into believing that disagreement means that their parents hate them, are transphobic and bigoted. Frequently there are further complexities.

In my case, we are not totally estranged, my wife is not in exactly the same position as I am, and my son is not in exactly the same position as his partner, and there other family members involved in the tangled web of strained relationships. One person, and one person only, is unwilling or unable to talk and listen, and that is not a parent.

I am not in a position to talk about the ‘missing reasons’ somewhere as public as this, even if it was of any interest to anyone outside our particular family situation. But I could quote, fairly accurately, what was said to me, in which ‘transphobic’ and ‘bigoted’ featured entirely predictably.

Sorry, Chumplady - cake must have been heavily on my mind at the time along with insufficient coffee.

https://www.chumplady.com/

Well worth a read.

"However, I do refute the suggestion that the only answer is to stop this from happening is to keep transwomen out of discussions. At least I think that's what's being suggested."
This is an ideology that started with #nodebate and has relentlessly sought the cancelling, sacking, silencing and punishing of all women (and many men) who challenge the ideology. The tactics used by this individual are simply a different way of seeking women's compliance. It's worth noting that Alpha started a thread about "loved ones" and men who transition which, as soon as it was moved to the appropriate Relationships board was abandoned. No boundaries to breach on there.

There is no "discussion" at present. The only tactics used by transactivists are intimidatory, bullying and the capture of the State's institutions in order to force compliance from an unwilling public. Evidenced on a daily basis.

That's why Lundy Bancroft was mentioned above. Abusers don't suddenly stop abusing when they don't get their own way - they use different tactics.

Look at the bonfire of child wellbeing, safeguarding and women's rights and tell me that what we should be discussing with these men? Because I can no longer see it.

It's worth noting that Alpha started a thread about "loved ones" and men who transition

After it was made crystal clear that Alpha's presence was not wanted on the trans widows thread. Soon after that, Alpha decided to flounce.

Its been said here already but any random blundering onto this site isnt going to have the authority to change anything.

There have been men periodically coming on to this site, and nothing happens. There has never been a big announcement that after talking on mn the trans community have decided not to enter park runs as females, or something.

Its about justifying the individuals behaviour at best. Often its just an excuse to talk about what they do to an outraged audience.

If you want to debate these men, maybe find another space to do it, not critise women for not wanting to do it here.

I have had a quick look at this, and will have to return to it when I am feeling a bit more robust. At first glance, Issendai appears to be saying that it is always parents who don’t listen and always their children who are trying to be heard because they don’t want to be estranged from their parents.

Did you miss the message at the top of that post?

This page doesn't apply to all estranged parents, only to estranged parents who are members of estranged parents' forums

And the page to which the message links that closes:

So why study members of estranged parents' forums? For a deeper understanding of how abusers think. To learn how abusers present themselves as non-abusive, and how to tell when they're distorting their stories. Because the face the estranged parent movement presents to the world is false, and good-hearted people are being convinced to aid in the very abuse they want to prevent.

https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/why-estranged-parents-forums.html

Reading that will plausibly establish that the content of the cited post doesn't apply to individuals beyond its value as an exploration of 'missing missing reasons'.

Re: Issendai above, that should have read:

"Reading that will plausibly establish that the content of the cited post doesn't apply to some individual readers beyond its value as an exploration of 'missing missing reasons'."

To be honest, I am thoroughly confused and don’t understand what posters here are saying, why they have referred to Issendai’s blog, or what Issendai is saying. So if I want to understand I will need to return to the posts and blog when I can cope with doing so. I assume, as I respect the opinions of the posters, that I am missing something, quite possibly something obvious. But two people have thanked me for my post, so maybe my puzzlement is shared?

The relevancy was explained in the quote ReThinking shared.

To learn how abusers present themselves as non-abusive, and how to tell when they're distorting their stories. Because the face the estranged parent movement presents to the world is false, and good-hearted people are being convinced to aid in the very abuse they want to prevent.

The fact the blogger is primarily talking about estranged parent movements and their behaviours is a red herring.

The strategies are ones used by many others to present a false face, and manipulate others into aiding their abuse. The blog explains the psychology of the behaviours generally. The point is that this blogger who goes into depth of such psychological tactics well known to researchers and therapists, and Lundy Bancroft, a therapist specialising in treatment of male abusers with the prison service, and Chumplady, a wellknown blogger, all have cross over points. They are talking about different specific groups, but they are in essence all talking about the same behaviours that manipulate and control well meaning others into co operating with and enabling them. These are known behaviours. These are known tactics. These are known scripts.

I hadn’t seen Alf’s thread to put the all-important man’s perspective on transwidows until it was mentioned here - what a seeing off he got, it was beautiful!

It was at the bottom of page 3 of the Relationships board when I looked, might be on page 4 now, but it’s an educative experience. Forget the exact title, but contains the words “loved ones”.

here it always ends with yes i use the women's toilets, no I'm not going to stop and I'm flouncing now!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4935539-trans-people-and-loved-ones

That’s the one, thanks Boiled!

Also contains excellent soup recipes. And some appalling soup recipes.

This is 100% correct.

That thread is a work of art. Thank you for highlighting it. I’m only on page 1 and I bloody love it.

I've never seen a thread get onto food so bloody quick 😂

I'd love to read the bollocking Tinsel handed out, but I don't know how to find the transwidows threads. I'm sorry you had to do it yet again.

We normally get a slap on the wrist for recipe chat, but perhaps MNHQ had the measure of Alpha.

I hope you're not casting asparagus on my fried lettuce recipe.

You are one sick puppy!

ooh... I am looking for something interesting for dinner. I have some lettuce and have cooked lettuce before. thanks for the inspiration!

I really like cooked lettuce with peas in broth.