So apparently I am a hateful bigot. Who knew?!

[NoChanceYouMetalBastard]

This has been playing on my mind since it happened. In a pub on Thursday night just gone. Very old building - toilets not great. No separate mens/ladies. Go through one door and there are 3 cubicles for all. Everyone has to queue together in this very small space. Big queue - a 6 foot 4 ish man with a beard wearing a flowery blue dress and lipstick, who was stood behind me, suggested that we speed things up by "us girls" going in together. I refused. That led to a tirade of abuse including that I was a hateful old bigot and it was known that 'girls' always shared a loo. Obviously he told all his pals at the table he was sat at, and they loudly discussed my transphobia until I necked my drink and left. It has been bothering me ever since! Just sharing/venting more than anything.

I can certainly say I have shared a cubicle with my best pals and sister. Usually whilst heavily in the cups. It is never quicker. Often funny though.

Random 6 foot 4 man in flowery blue dress? No.

He’s just a sicko. Forget it. It takes x amount of seconds to pee per person. Cramming yourself in a cubical with a man won’t make it any faster. To suggest you are the problem is incredible.

Serious suggestion. Time to alert everyone else in the vicinity. I'm sorry, but this is akin to premeditated assault.

You'd shout out in any other situation you felt at risk, why not this one?

Time to see who amongst Joe and Joanna Public are prepared to stand up and defend a woman under pressure.

The city it happened in is very....taken.

I don't know why I am flowering around like it's some state secret. It was York.

You'd shout out in any other situation you felt at risk, why not this one?

Honestly? Because I was embarrassed. Nobody else seemed bothered. Although they were all men. I didn't want to "make a scene". It is hard enough getting out and about with my disabled husband. We already draw attention. He is stroke disabled and it makes him look and sound pissed. I have had SO many arguments with SO many bouncers about how, no, he isn't drunk, he has had a stroke. I wasn't able to deal with something else, which I knew I would be blamed for, by being a woman over 40 with a voice.

and breathe.

Sorry, no pressure.

I am wondering what sort of world it is that this suggestion/tactic can even be considered.

And that if you were to make it known to people around you, you would be ignored or even belittled.

It makes me very angry that men have lost so much status, they should be at the very least supportive if you felt the need to ask for help.
For you to feel like men would not support you is maddening.

Had I been there and overheard this, you would not have been alone in dealing with this guy.

Yes, of course. Just trying to picture the scene and whether this was someone trying to pass for female or long beard, hairy chest etc.

OP it sounds absolutely dire - especially the other ppl in the queue ignoring the situation, and the idiotic handmaidens. No wonder you are still thinking about it. Kudos to you for standing your ground.

Usually their physique and gait give them away even if they are a baby faced smoothie.

Sounds awful OP!

You should of told him you identified as a man op.

Back in my dodgy nightclub days, I'd go in the loos with my mate, but only because they either purposely didn't have locks on the cubicles or locks were broken, so one would hold door shut while the other went the loo, then swapped.

Men thinking women all go the loo together is just another wank fantasy.

"A girl is a female child. I've been an adult for over 30 years. Also, are you assuming my gender identity? You need to stop mis-gendering me you hateful bigot. This is literal violence"

So sorry you had to go through this OP. I think this is awful. The man tried to use you for his own gratification and his friends bullied you.

I’m so sorry OP. Noticeable that the Beardéd Ones little chums were happy to attack you, but didn’t leap into validating action themselves. A mystery.

Sounds more like plain old sexual harassment to me. Dude wanted to make you uncomfortable.

Ah, this might work. "Lady, what's wrong with you? You can clearly see that I'm a bloke!!" Followed by a lot of pointing and screaming "transphobe!"

Somehow, though, the AFABs in trousers who otherwise present as femme never get the same consideration as the AMABs in dresses and beards. Why could that be, I wonder?

That's a load of shit though. As a woman, I've never understood the whole "come with me to the toilet we can go together!" thing when I've been asked..
(Erŕ, nope lol)
It's not bigoted if this happened to go to the toilet by yourself.
(Love your username by the way 😁)

Didn't they have separate loos before? Mixed sex are a new phenomenon. What did they do before?

You can email them with Kemi Badenoch's guidance that female only provision should be provided. She's stipulating for all new buildings, but also mentions places like the old vic reverting back I believe.

There are some great men around, who would defend random women. I have a friend who once literally stopped when driving past a woman who appeared to be being harrassed by her drunk boyfriend in the middle of the night, even though my friend is five foot three and likely would have been beaten up himself, had it gone the wrong way.

But in general, I’d say women accusing or complaining about men are routinely disbelieved. You only have to look at the Wi Spa incident to see how this type of accusation pans out.

As others have already said, I think you should inform the pub. You need not necessarily mention that it was a male customer asking you to undress and urinate in front of them - that alone is harassment. That you were then abused by this person’s friends is an aggravating factor. Then you can mention that you abuser was male (you cannot assume what their identity was). You were picked on because of your age and your sex. It’s classic sexual harassment (perp enjoying the discomfort caused by exercising power based on both being physically stronger, with the ability to rape, and the dominant social position that comes from being male), and it is perhaps even worth speaking to the police about it.

The only times I have ever shared a cubicle with another adult were when I held up my SIL’s wedding dress so she could pee, and when I have needed a nurse whilst in hospital.

I often, however, go to the toilet facilities with other females (friends/family/etc) - sometimes because they need to go at the same time, and sometimes because we want to either continue a conversation or have a private conversation without the others!

Are there truly males out there who think that women going to the toilets together means that we go into the same cubicle and pee together? 😵‍💫

Jesus, wouldn't even use that cubicle with my sister, let alone a rando transwoman!

Exactly.

Phone the police and get it logged as a crime by the trans identified man. If he escalates your crime report might contribute to building a case.

In that situation, when he’s mouthing off about you, I’d would like to think I’d say very loudly “Why would I go into a cubicle with a complete stranger”.

That would take away the male/female thing and he’d have no response to it.

It's just validation. They just want validation. Gals share loos. It's what we do, apparently.

I don't think they even wanted validation.

The more I read about incidents like this the more I genuinely think they are deliberately being inflammatory so that they can shout "see, look at all the transphobia, bigotry and persecution we have to suffer!"

Agreed.

He's been watching some disgusting porn and has a fetish.
Or ;
He's on a mission to make women feel uncomfortable.
Or;
He is going to sexually assault someone.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this miserable apology for a man,