Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

Once someone has started down a particular path, a particular argument or position, it is incredibly hard to back track. To admit they were wrong. The boss may well be having second thoughts on his initial #bekind viewpoint now he’s witnessing how it’s unfolding in reality in his firm. Sounds as though he’s digging in, but this is entirely predictable.

Cognitive dissonance and all that. Shame given that he sounded like a brilliant boss. But haven’t we seen this play out in many organisations? It’s why gender ideology has swept through because the first targets were lovely, kind, well meaning people. Many who haven’t thought through the wider implications.

I wonder if the OP's boss has bought into the "TW are the most oppressed victimised minority" nonsense and wanted to help someone he thought to be disadvantaged. Therefore, any complaints about Ginny would just reinforce this view of persecution and victimhood.

One of the problems is that being a lovely, kind person doesn't automatically make you a good manager or able to resolve disputes. In fact, I'd suspect that "lovely, kind" people might find it MORE difficult to discipline their workforce.

TBH whilst I'd want lovely kind colleauges, I'd rather have a good, fair manager than a kind one.

I followed your last thread, now this with my jaw dropping further and further. I am so furious on your behalf but hoping you channel all your righteous anger into absolutely smashing your interview today! Let us know x

best of luck today, best foot forward, head held high.

Remember the MN Massive (and given the amount of Tunnocks products I've eaten this weekend, getting more massive by the mouthful) are stood behind you today waving pom poms.

Good luck.

Men like ‘Ginny’ do genuine TW a great disservice. I mean born males who really feel they should have been born female without other motives or agendas. I believe these are genuine people (Blair White for example). These TW I can have respect for as they have walked the walk and are truly living their best (female) life. I don’t believe these genuine TW would Lord it over their workplaces, bullying and threatening biological women. Blair White abhors people like Ginny, who are hellbent on trying to destroy women rather than actually being one. The Ginny type TW hate women.

The boss in this company seems to have painted himself into a corner. If his business collapses he only has himself (and his darling Ginny) to blame. If I were the boss’s wife I’d be shaking some sense into him or suspecting him of shenanigans with Ginny.

Hoping it all went well and the kids have stopped attacking your soft furnishings...

I’m very late to this thread but just wanted to offer support - you really do deserve a fantastic new opportunity and I hope today goes well for you.

Men don't sit around moaning about it, they just move

I found that workwise, once I started reacting like a man would, there was much less stress in my life. Piss me off? I don't stay there wringing my hands and wondering what's wrong with me and hoping the boss will be nice to me like I always did before, I walk.

Everything crossed for your interview!

This. It's hatred of women that is driving a goodly proportion of this (male supremacist) agenda. The motivations for it are probably multiple.

What is disconcerting is the lengths they are prepared to go to in order to demonstrate that hate.

The likes of Ginny are worrying. Like all abusive types, they escalate.

OP, I wish you all the best of luck today. The sooner you're away from this shitshow, the better (albeit it shouldn't be you and others being shoved out of your workplace to make room for this egregious behaviour).

Sadly it isn't the first time I've seen this happened and I suspect it won't be the last.

I was wrong about my friend's workplace. It was actually four staff members (three females and a male) who left because of someone who sounds alarmingly similar to 'Ginny'.

Makes me see red.

The men in the office had no emotional engagement. Their identity was not being challenged nor was their privacy. They probably did not care how Ginny identified, and indeed Ginny was probably blokey with them rather than trying to play "one of the girls".

They still left. They did not like the fact that a newcomer, possibly not a very competent newcomer, was favoured and immediately given the best contacts. They may have also worked out that the boss/owner seemed to have lost the plot and that they would be better off elsewhere.

I hope OP gets this job, and if not I hope that getting to second interview boosts her confidence. If offered the job she should take it for the same reasons as the men took other jobs. A step up and more opportunity.

when will we hear from OP do you think ? i cant stand the waiting
Fingers sooo crossed for her

This is someone’s real life, not a soap opera here for your entertainment

Just catching up on this thread…

OP, I wish you all the best in the world, hope the interview went really well!

sideways otter i was not being trite i really hope the best outcome for her

Yes whilst wishing OP the very best outcome for her interview, and hoping to hear back, she may also still be mopping up sick, and sponging soft furnishings. (I do hope not).

Or her wonderful parents have whisked her and the kids for an out door break for the after noon.

Or she's out getting nice new outfits for her holidays which I think start next week.

Or she's seen an even better job advertised and is filling in the application form!

This is so bloody true. The world at large basically relies on women to be endlessly self-sacrificing and loyal while rewarding men for doing the opposite.

If there's anything to take away from this whole sorry tale it's that just maybe we should 'be more man' when it comes to being utterly self-focused in the workplace.

Once someone has started down a particular path, a particular argument or position, it is incredibly hard to back track. To admit they were wrong.

The sunk costs trap.

Hello all, sorry I'm so slow with these replies.

Yesterday was so busy, thankfully kids were fine and happily went off to day care which was the first hurdle over. Interview was tough I won't lie, I was put through my paces and it wasn't a walk i he in the park. Not that I was expecting it to be really but I will say it was daunting and knocked my confidence slightly, but objectively I think I did well and I will find out Friday.

Went back to work after lunch yesterday and the atmosphere had absolutely tanked. It's hard to explain really, but you can definitely tell things aren't great. It's normally a very chatty / buzzy office and it was just silent and grim, frankly. I asked one of the women I'm friendly with if I missed anything, how the boss responded to the letters being handed in about what happened, she said he's been silent. No acknowledgment whatsoever and it's not been mentioned. I'm so disappointed but no longer surprised by anything.

It's my last day tomorrow before I'm on leave and I'm not back in until mid August. It can't come soon enough. Today was the first day in pushing 2 years of being there that I've put my headphones in and ignored everything because it just felt so horrible in there.

There's lots I could say about G, but it all sounds ludicrous and I'm embarrassed to be honest. I don't know why! It's not like I'm the one behaving like this, but for some reason I'm mortified this is happening. I think it's because I can see how it sounds and it just gets worse and worse, I actually think I don't want to depress you all! So I'll keep it brief.

In an attempt to lighten the mood G decided to play DJ and put on some music, it was all laughable. Moulin rouge, man eater, addicted to love, shakira. All accompanied by chair dancing and miming. Just cringe worthy awfulness. Shakira is ruined for me forever, I'll never ole ole ole again 😔

I almost felt sorry for them, I get this feeling they realise they've alienated everyone and I can sense them going a bit OTT to pull it back, attempts at friendliness and humour , but from what I've seen absolutely no one is receptive to it. But it's a case of gives with one hand and takes with the other. I won't go into details because it's ridiculous but there was an incident with a pool table and G excessively bending over it and showing far too much. So my sympathy was quickly lost. It's like they have moments of lucidity and attempt to be "normal" and courteous then get taken over by their need for attention and affirmation. I hope that makes sense.

The two guys that are leaving have been more vocal about their reasons, and they match up with suggestions here. One said to me today he's just waiting for his reference to go over to the new place then he plans on telling everyone what he thinks, he's really really had enough. What struck me is this whole saga on mumsnet is only MY experience of what's happening, G has had interactions with others that I haven't seen or been told about, I'm very certain at this point I'm not the only one who's been pushed to the brink with it all.

I'll try and read through more comments this evening and reply, but with tomorrow being my last day for almost 3 weeks I'm not sure I'll much more to update for a long while, and if I get the new job then this will all be relegated to some sort of distant fever dream that I'll try and forget about 🤣

Speechless 😮

OP, glad the kids are okay and good luck for Friday. This thread will fill up soon so it might be worth starting a new one and linking here sharpish - unless you want MN to blitz the whole thing.

Have a fabulous time on leave and all the best for the job hunt. I'm sure I'm not the only one wishing you well.

Well done for hanging on in there. Only one more day and hopefully you will have a new job by the time you return. Or if not, you will at least be refreshed from 3 weeks off. It will be interesting to hear what the guy, who is leaving has said. Fingers crossed for Friday.