Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

"I have had male privilege in the work place for 25 years, Cis women have never known the privilege so can't miss it like I do"

male privilege also equals male entitlement. But they have never had to fight for anything either, unlike women, which makes them quite stupid, pathetic and unable to see other people’s point of view. They always end up resorting to insults, mansplaining, or just good old physical responses - just like a man in fact.

tbh, much as i hate violence, sitting opposite someone who said that would provoke a punch to the throat.

I have been discriminated against and faced sexism and misogyny in the workplace since i started work at 18. it is not acceptable to have to listen to guff like that without saying anything

And obviously the thing to say (but not unless you have a secure job a long way away) is 'you still have it, you dickhead, how else do you think you'd get away with saying things like that and doing the things you do?'

Gosh just remembering now actually, they said something like "I have had male privilege in the work place for 25 years, Cis women have never known the privilege so can't miss it like I do"

See also: "I make a better woman than you"

Just want to echo the others really OP and say that you deserve to get away from the god awful Ginny and have an amazing new job with a boss that respects you. Good luck for tomorrow, I'm sure you'll do great.

It would be funny though if Ginny is the reason that you end up with your new job that is NOT above your abilities and pays more than you get now while he is stuck in a failing company

Weird that OP’s boss seems to be so infatuated with Ginny when Ginny’s conversation seems to be consistently all about their interractions with OTHER blokes. I wonder if he is going through an identity crisis or is so deluded that he thinks he is winning enormous social points by showing how “cool and inclusive” he is, and Ginny is simply a prop. Boss had been extra fabulous with women up until Ginny came along. Maybe the women were his first set of social points.

It is interesting that the two men found new jobs first. It is as though they knew something the women didn’t.

I wonder if he is going through an identity crisis or is so deluded that he thinks he is winning enormous social points by showing how “cool and inclusive” he is, and Ginny is simply a prop. Boss had been extra fabulous with women up until Ginny came along. Maybe the women were his first set of social points.

I used to work for a man who was right on and oh so understanding of women.

If you believe that men can become women then he is one now.

Or maybe he's testing out the waters to see whether having the bottle to be as stunning and brave as Ginny would have a negative effect on his livelihood?

I'm curious to know if Mrs Boss is involved in the day-to-day running of things and whether she has encountered Ginny yet.

My wild guess is Mrs Boss is as oblivious as she can be and have zero idea of Mr Boss late life crisis shenanigans. I feel sorry for the woman if that's really the case.

They may not have had the same emotional investment in the job that OP does. If you view work as a transactional relationship then it's fairly easy to make an arrangement to move elsewhere at the first sniff of trouble.

It would be interesting to know what the 2 men who left have to say.

It's possible they knew the boss and /or Ginny from some out of the workplace male-dominated networking environment - the pub, golf, cricket, masonic lodge - and could see what way the wind was blowing.

It sounds like the boss is heading into a period where his life will implode. I really really feel for his wife.

If he is shagging ginny, then he is installing his 'mistress' into his work life, which is also presumably meant to provide the economic security for his family. He's bringing this person into multiple aspects of his life - she can affect his marriage, friendhips, business, reputation, ability to pay his own bills - yet she's a nut job. An unpredictable person who behaves really badly if she wants. There's no telling what she'll do. He might get away with it but there's a risk that he's setting fire to everything by mistake. What a dick head he is.

I wonder if G behaved badly like this before the transition.

OP is so best off out if it. We'll done with the phone interview. Good luck with the next one.

He and Ginny might just be old pals, friends from school, who knows? People have networks, and within those can be loyal to toxic individuals. Old pals can be the absolute worst.

Hmmmm, he might not be shagging G herself but if they know each other and they have mutual friends and socialise in the same circles, it could well be she has some juicy dirt on him and has some kind of leverage over him. Hence he has no choice but to bend over backwards to appease her

Also possible they spent less time beating themselves up and asking themselves if they were transphobes, as women are socialised to do, and instead responded immediately to their instincts.

“she can affect his marriage, friendhips, business, reputation, ability to pay his own bills - yet she's a nut job. An unpredictable person who behaves really badly if she wants”

He… he’s an unpredictable person. And imagine how validating it must be for Ginny to have ‘out-womaned’ the Boss’ wife.

They saw the best client contracts be given straight to Ginny who had just walked in the door. It was an insult to them since they did not get a look in on these opportunities despite working there for longer.

Men don't sit around moaning about it, they just move.

@pinklama. You could well be right. This is all starting to make sense now.

Boss it too scared to say ‘no’. Why is this? Who told him he can’t? Clients aren’t sentimental. They will walk if they have to deal with someone wearing kid gloves and makes mistakes.

Yeah Ginny is a man ffs

Wishing you all the best tomorrow OP. Keep off MN and rehearse your answers and positive examples.

I don’t think for one second that G is a woman. I’m just pondering about the boss’s obsession with Ginny and refusal to even listen to the actual women who have been loyal to his company for a longer period.

Good luck today OP x

Good luck today, OP!